Health Anxiety for parents

[eyedw 1]

Hello,

 

Newbie here. just trying to share my pain and worries. 

Does anyone worry excessively about their parents? I mean, I worry constantly to the point If :

1. they call/ text  me in a weird hour My heart races

2. their last seen on whatsapp is not recent,  I will panic

I mean, It's really tiring and I guess there have been several trigger. 

one big one was my Dad's Emergency Heart bypass a few years ago. We were so lucky that we found it before anything bad happen. He did not have any symptom and was just randomly checking. We were so grateful that it was found without any heart damage and that now he is taking medicines to control his risks. The thing is, he was always super healthy even before the surgery: normal blood pressure, exercise 5 days a week, eats healthily, etc. he just had slightly (10%) high cholesterol . this really threw me off and I've always been super worried about him ever since. I always dread his bi-yearly check up. and am sick with worries if the time has come for him to do check up. I am grateful that his check up has always come out great but I still cannot stop worrying. 

2 years after that, My mom has developed piriformis syndrome which prevented her to sit too much. she is now so much better but it comes and goes. I know this is normal and she just needs some lifestyle changes. and again, I should be grateful. I just cannot shake the memory when Dad has called in the morning a few months back saying that mom is really hurting and needed to go to the Emergency room for this. 

This has come to a point where I cannot concentrate at work, I obsessed over every little "pain" they have and just overly worried about them all the time. I check on them all the time and I know this can be annoying for them as well. Furthermore, I am terrified if they decide to go the doctor for something, and this prevents me from reminding them it's time for their checkup!! this is horrible.  it is a good thing they want a check up. but I tremble every time and this is exhausting.

just sharing my thoughts. it would be great if anyone would chip in on how to overcome this and/or has the same experience. I'm quite exhausted.

 

 

 

 

 

[Bobnnat 496]

Hi Eyedw,

Welcome to the forum.  I can't totally relate, as both my parents have passed; my mom at age 76 and my dad just shy of his 98th birthday. You should take comfort in the fact that your parents live healthy life styles, and know the importance of regular check-ups. If it helps them by having you keep track of their upcoming check-ups then that's fine.

However, we all need to come to the realization that there are things in life we have little to no control over. One of them, is how long we, and our loved ones are going to live, and what if any ailments we or they may at one point develop. As noted above, you and they are ahead of the game due to their life styles, attitudes towards health and habits.

Most experts on the subject of worry say it comes down to this: when a worry surfaces, ask yourself whether there is anything you can do about the problem? For example, like keeping track of their appointments. If say one of your parents smoked (I know they don't), you could try your best to educate them and see if you could get them to quit.

Once the problem defies any actions on your part that will lessen the worry, fear, possible negative outcome, you are no longer experiencing what is called "productive worry", as there is nothing positive that can come of it.  Sharing fears with friends, other family members or on this forum may help.

The toughest thing to accept (believe me I'm certainly not there yet, and may never be) is that life is finite. If you believe in a higher power, then that entity is the only being that knows whether your parents will live to be 100 or pass sooner.  If you're not a believer, then the fact is that absolutely no one knows the answer, not even doctors. All your parents, or anyone can do is try to stack the deck in their favor by healthy living, keeping doctor appointments, avoiding obvious dangers, etc.

Hope this helps a little.  We're here for you.

Bob

[eyedw 1]

Thank you Bob . Yes I realise that my worry tends to "pretend" they are necessary when in fact they are a total waste of time if nothing positive comes out of it. 

I guess this also stems from the fact that I'm the only daughter and that my parents always come to me when they have health worries/problem. 

I'm trying to share with my brother but it just feels like he is not as "attentive/worried" as I am. 

i'm always the one accompanying them to the doctor's appointment and although I'm so glad that I can be there for them, I feel run out due to all the worries and anxieties that comes with it. 

I do take comfort in the fact that my parents live a healthy life and are very healthy-savvy. I just love them so much and can't bear to think I did not do my best to help them in any way. 

I recently got married and this has made my anxiety worst because I moved out and not necessarily "up to date" with what's going on with them .  . every free time I have, I want to spend it with them instead of doing my own things and hang out with friends. I will feel guilty about not having all my free time with them. 

Thank you so much Bob for your perspective. I do believe in God and I pray everyday for them . God has shown me and my family more mercy than I could ever imagined. I'm just trying to get out of this tiring mind I have. 

 

 

[AndrewF 37]

My mom and dad are 72 and 76, respectively.  Mom has numerous various small issues and some surgeries, dad has atrial fibrillation and is maybe 30lb overweight.  I swear he has "trump" genes.  This is not a political statement at all.  Its a man in his mid-70s who is overweight and yet has no other conditions or diseases one might expect.  I'm like WTF?!

They're slowing down, and ageing gracefully.  But I never know when "the call" may come.  (Dad fell in the garage early this year.  His own fault, tripped over something.  Got a hematoma in his throat.  All healed up from the mess that followed, but he is quite aware this stuff kills older people!)  An intractable chronic disease is discovered, a stroke, a heart attack?

They live 25 miles and 45 minutes from me, their only child.  So we did the best we could think of....we planned ahead.  They bought the house next to mine, not ready to move there yet, but I will operate it as a rental until they ready.  When "the time" comes it will be super convenient to have them next to their son and grandkids, good for everyone.  Or maybe an airplane engine falls on their car and they never use the house at all, so be it.  What I'm saying is we have a "plan."  

[eyedw 1]

That's amazing! hopefully your parents  will continue to age gracefully .😊