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Tom (boyfriend) is a little worried about me. he thinks i have a problem with eating. i admit that i do not eat as much as most people do or maybe even as much as i should. i eat maybe once a day and if i do eat it is not alot. i can have five grapes throughout the day and think im full. i can sit here and tell you i dont eat because im not hungry not cuz i want to lose weight but honestly idk if i am saying that to you or myself. i know i have low self esteem and very very very low confidence in my physical appearance. i step on the scale and if i dont like the weight then i dont eat or it changes what i eat. i eat very little because i dont want people to think "o she ate all her food cuz shes fat". im not sure what i am trying to do here but i guess im just trying to see if this is just normal. i dont want to act like im trying to get attention or something like that....and tom is worried and wants to change my diet plan to "help" me but i dont think i need help. im losing weight by this and being on weight watchers and i dont want that to stop....what do you think? i know you may not have an answer but i guess i jsut wanted to talk to someone about it rather than reading almost every article on the internet about it
Hi everyone. This is my first post. Just wondering if anyone has had this... I get a lot of physical symptoms. I worry at first when a new one arises but then deal with it and the anxiety it causes by just ignoring it, convincing myself it's just the panic disorder trying to trick me. I'm not ill or dying so I'm ok. Actually this site... panicend.com helped me heaps, along with some info from Dr Claire Weekes and cbt. I felt I was over it and had beaten it (as I had years before) it was over. My main problem was driving. Driving a block away was a big deal, driving to work an epic journey, long distance was never gonna happen. Now I feel great, I could drive to the moon without worrying about panic. My problem is now,a new symptom has popped up in the form of first, a dry mouth, then a too wet mouth & now a constant nagging thing where I am always focussed on how my mouth is. Sometimes my tongue feels huge. Sometimes I feel like saliva is just pouring out & sometimes my mouth has felt so dry it's hard to swallow. This led me to worry about how I would eat. Now I know I'm fine. I know it's just the disorder but I can't stop concentrating when I eat! I chew and chew and chew and concentrate and then swallow. It gets so tiring I get a sore jaw and mentally drained so I don't eat much, especially if it's chewy or dry food. I know I will get over this somehow! But it makes me wonder... If I get over one thing, is another going to pop up! Uggh! I finally can drive, I have no fear of panic, I am finally free and then this mouth thing jumps up to stop me! When will it end.
My name’s Holly and I have been dealing with anxiety for 11 years now. Basically the only uncomfortable sensation that I experience is nausea, which has developed into a fear of throwing up/vomiting. This fear is obviously a result of me throwing up during certain panic attacks or at least my specific “version” of a panic attack. I've found most people have panic attacks where they cannot breathe, think there going to die, have a heart attack ect. I don't get that, I know I won't die or suffocate, I know anxiety too well, its just the intense nausea that overwhelms me and I cannot control. I have only ever experienced extreme nausea which has in some cases resulted in me throwing up. Over the 11 years it has only gotten to that bad of a state on a small number of occasions, probably under 20. It is usualy just bad gagging and dry heaving, which is as bad as vomitting for me. I might aswell always be vomitting! With me personally, it doesn’t need to get to the stage where I physically throw up in order for anxiety to have an effect on me, and for me to therefore fear it in the future. Don’t get me wrong, I have also experienced sensations such as an accelerated heartbeat, sweating, shaking, and tingling, but I do not fear them like I do with throwing up around people. When I was first going through anxiety the nausea was especially bad, like two straight weeks of not being able to keep anything down. As a result, I developed a bit of a phobia in relation to food which I still have to this day, but it has now extended to just being around people, which is a lot more concerning. I’m much more anxious around people in comparison to just being alone, because of the social embarrassment that throwing up might cause and therefore fear what people might think of me. I’m becoming more of a recluse/prefer to do things on my own and don’t really enjoy being around people. With me it’s the social embarrassment and the fear of what people might think that is far greater and outweighs the act itself. I don’t fear throwing up specifically, which is why it’s never really an issue when I’m on my own. If I lose my concentration for just a second or am not in the right mindset, then things can get out of control very quickly. My first anxiety/panic episodes was when I was about 14/15, where when I was eating at a family friends house and my on/off boyfriend at the time turned up to see someone who was in the house at that time. I remember seeing him and having an overwhelming feeling of panic and nausea, I pushed my plate away , started sweating and ran to throw up, like completely out of the blue, i had never felt this or had any issue with food/nausea before this. After that first episode, this happened a few more times with food and him, but I didn't even know what anxiety was back then, so just thought I had food poisoning or something. Cut a long story short, it slowly got worse over the next few years and seemed to developed into mainly involving food/eating. I constantly felt nausea, anxiety, weird about eating, food making me feel sick and then that turnt into social issues, which is what is ruining my life today. I now feel unable to to eat with people, get anxious if I have to, cant always eat, want to run away and eat Alone ect. In the early stages, i got so anxious about food that I stopped eating really, i ate bananas and toast and stopped leaving my house much. Yet I want to eat so badly, I hate losing weight, not eating really gets me down. After the intial first years, I managed to go off to uni still, although it was very tough, but I got through it, managed to hide most of my issues from people and graduated ect. But the eating thing is still major for me, i can only eat around few close people and literally have a small panic attack if I'm ever put in a situation where I have tho eat with anyone else, I just cannot do it, I immediately start gagging and dry heaving. Which also means no cannot eat out at all, restaurants terrify me. Eating is the worst area for me, but is by no means the only area. I now struggle with most social situations, any that involve people really, but specially where I feel I may be trapped in a sense in say a conversation with someone, bump into someone I know and have to conversate, meetings, especially one to one, hospital appointments, travelling, nights/days out, anyany social really. Yet I can go about my day alone, in and out of shops etc as I need to fairly normally, but if I have to go with someone, its causes complete nausea and anxiety. Its so annoying and frustrating, as I am actually a naturally outgoing confident and wild kinda fearless person, until this. Its soo against my real character! It seems any situation where I feel 'trapped' and unable to just leave/hide if I need to, gets me going. It can be as simple as a conversation with someone, to being in a lift/plane ect. But like I said, the sensation is always nausea, where when its bad I'm gagging and dry heaving and in extreme cases I vomit. But the nausea is killing me and making me hide away and I hate it! Its so embarrassing! Although I remember the first times I had this sort of feeling when I was 14/15, I still can't work out why that actually happened or what the trigger really was. I had a pretty bad childhood, was always down and unstable at home, mum, wasn't around like she should have been and my dad was and still is a bad alcoholic, yet I have a great relationship with him x so I guess the trauma of my childhood could have had an impact? Yet I don't really feel that way, it doesn't bother me in an anxious way, I was still always confident and well balanced thru all of that and dont consider that to have caused such strange issues today, but who knows. I would just realy like to chat to others about this. I have seen a few psychologists in my time but nothing ever seems to work. Does anyone else go through this? With the intense nausea? Anyone got any tips to help? Id like to try some decent anti nausea tablets for the times when i really need it, any suggestions on some? Would be great to chat to peope :-) Many Thanks, Holly