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About miserylee

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    Thrifting, Art, and DIY projects

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  1. It is. My anxiety just seems to try to make up so many excuse that I just can't get past. I have so many ideas but I can never start them. I really need to push.
  2. I freak myself out a lot. I was a museum custodian and my ex mother-in-law fired me 3 times for no reason. I know I can clean. I signed up for care, but when I was looking I almost passed out looking for something I really liked. I reverted back to rely on my art. And thinking of stay at home jobs. Like thrift store flipping, but I always freeze up. Don't know how to move pass.
  3. Luckily I can push for baby steps. That's how I pushed myself out the door for high school. Everyone here is so supportive and it's what I've been waiting for. Thank you for understanding. If you don't mind me asking, how did you make it through work? I try my hardest to hide I'm scared and research so much about my jobs, but somehow I always get fired.
  4. No matter what I'm feeling, I meditate every night to feel at peace. :sleepy:

  5. Many people recently made me scared to open up. I feel like I have to hide and fix myself before I'm really accepted back into society. I've spent day on Instagram and Pinterest typing in "Anxiety" just to see some people do understand, but I don't know them which sucks. When I was little, my grandmother said I was never that happy, I was always sad. I remember going to school and trying to talk and help everyone I could, but I stopped after I turned 7. I stopped trying to make friends. However, I did still help people with their problems. After I helped I was alone again because they moved on to their friends who weren't helping. High school came and I couldn't wait for that bell to ring to go home, back into my room, waiting for the next day to come and go. Never looking forward to nothing. Soon I developed a fear of meeting/talking to people, messing up, public humiliation, leaving my room, going outside for anything. I didn't think too much of it. I thought I was just scared all the time. After giving birth to my daughter, a social worker caught me crying and asked why. I told her I was scared and sad all the time. I got therapy after that. A few months ago, I lost everything. My fiance, my home, most of my friends, my job (that I was forced to get even though I wasn't mentally ready), and my medical. My family made me feel worse. My ex makes me scared to go outside or move on. My friends aren't that supportive. After so many panic attacks, I feel as though I'm not strong enough to make it through. I just don't want to be alone anymore.
  6. I've been an artist as long as I could remember. In high school, my depression got the best of me and I drifted away from it. After graduating I got pregnant and didn't have time to do anything, but take care of my daughter. I recently lost medical assistance since I can't hold a job. I was let go because I wasn't strong enough to be in costumer service. I want to tap into my anxiety and depression feel some relief again. (and possibly sell some to relieve the fear of financial stability) I have so many ideas, but my anxiety blocks me. I remember all the times being bullied for being too emotional and it scares me away. And then the depression sets in and I feel so physically drained. Thoughts of... Not being good enough (But practice makes perfect) What if I don't have time, What if I'm wasting time (I don't have a job or anywhere else to be) All the criticism (But art always comes with critics) Having no support... If I did get passed this anxiety block... Will I actually be happier? (I won't know if I don't try) Will people like it? (If it makes you feel better, who cares?) Was it all overreacting? (Most likely) All the flooding thoughts just leave me crying, paralyzed, and panicked. I can't talk to anyone about it cause their answer is "Just Do It." I don't know if I need these thoughts out there, just thought I would share what was on my mind. Do you have any thoughts or an art story to share?