The Poetry Thread

[jonathan123 2367]

"Life is great! --- whatever happens,

snow or sunshine, joy or pain; hardship, grief or disillusion,

suffering that I can't explain.  

Life is great if someone loves me,

holds my hand and calls my name."

 

Brian Wren.

[thehipsta 8]

Heres one for us all

 

[Nicolette918 4]

These cotton candy bunnies and starburst skies. Damned are the ones with rabbit ears and beady eyes damn them and their fluffy furs! Reptile mints and purple trees and what about the fucking bees stepped upon they kill you dead on this snake you shall not tread but if the damned see right through you perhaps you should fill the hole with a bowl or eat some cheese if the cat says please. The perfect bodies and wavy locks, the damaged ones who walk in flocks. The toads they hop but go unseen. Why is everyone so mean? The light is bright to the deer the one who leaps away in fear.  The fluffy grass is oh so blue but doesn't wine its stays like glue. With the days we sit and wait what will be our own true fate. You may ask what's wrong with my head but darling dear do not fear captain crazy is surely here for she sleeps at day and prowls the night watching the town while on her flight she for sure knows the truth but is kept silent since her youth. The stars they shine in the sky but the rest is dark there is no light for dragons cross the embers path and wait till dawn to store their stash. But what now is there left to say for all is blank is this thick deafening sea. We are made to believe there lies but I can say I know I’m right. Maybe one day we will all see this same light and you will know I was right but until then these words are over and will float away until next time my brain sets upon the bay. Did you finish until the end and did you start where is all begin?

written by Nikki yes me. read with an open mind there are any disguised metaphors about life and the way things are now  

[Nicolette918 4]

warning- possibly triggering to some

Hope clipped each wing but to fall hard upon the ground, Behind each door tears fall down without a sound. Another passageway soon to find it's place, An end to life that shadowed through distaste. A blade soon to be the most trustworthy friend, Never once denying or declining the pain soon to engulf. Each cut so desperately made though an artwork soon to create, Be it life or yet another play of fate? One turn left and two turns right made but all wrong, For every action seemed to be another bad one in high pitched song. Doused so deep within where tears but fall so sweet, Only to burn upon the floor as they meet. With each cut it sent a message, That none really cared for another's passage, And every single time ever sacrificed for everyone else, A waste it seemed to take it's place. Effortlessly the blade cut deeps within her skin, Finally the pain she feels everyday seems to win, Another heart and soul to the devils call, Time cannot even comprehend or measure the guilt or agony from them all. Within a home that once used to be, Feelings no longer linger as darkness be seen, From those whom life was once worshiped and their every step measured, But soon to delve far from those whom she once treasured. Yet the reality is as such that she cannot now hide, That support or encouragement were things not to find. Beneath each dream was no pushing force, No belief was there to alter one upon the right course. Everything ever done made no difference, As though within life there remained little indifference, To what was real and far from wrong, To the place wherein no one could belong. And now clutching to a blade seems to help some more, To remember nothing but welcome death to ones own door, And so shall it be..... Contemplating s****de.

[Nicolette918 4]

warning possibly triggering-

code blue

Just one last pill
nothing more to feel
Just one last time
Coming in and out of conciseness,
Code blue.
My heartbeat goes insane
But there is no more pain,
Code blue.
The room starts to spin again and again
and I begin to visit all of the places we have been.
Distant screams or so it seems,
Code blue.
A buzzing in my ear
A sudden jolt of electricity,
Code blue.
I can feel you holding me. In your arms is where I am meant to be.
Then you disappear, the very thing that was always one of my worst fears
I lay silent suffocating in my own tears,
Code blue.
My soul feeds on my hearts intense speed
Just one last fear
Just one last tear
just one last breath
an o******e to my own d***h,
Code blue.
Flat lining on the cold hard floor. A voice of pain screaming out… I was too late. A faded whisper soft behind you saying, this was my fate.
 

[Nicolette918 4]

alice in wonderland-

Living in a shattered world I sit here feeling like a character from Alice in wonderland. Confused and lost, damaged beyond all belief. I lay a broken frame hollow and alone, with pupils taking over the color of my eyes,body shaking,my mind in a daze. Burdened by life and fear of what I have become. Like a milk carton I appear strong and great on the outside just a bit banged up but on the inside I'm as rotten as it gets once I'm opened up It will make you sick to discover what's inside this seemingly perfect shell.
I Long for sunshine but I built walls of stone to surround my pretty little damaged mind and trapped myself in this dark trench. With my face to the floor I begin pouring tears the blackest of red,arm going numb, body growing cold. Here I wait for the rest of my disgraceful life too slowly unfold.

[Nicolette918 4]

warning may be triggering

lets settle the score-

Hallucination's kicking in
Something's crawling on my skin
I hear Someone talking but nobody's around Just me and the silence , my rig on the ground.
Whispering voices are getting louder
Or it's just my fucked up mind
I can see my hair grow but maybe I'm just blind.
From the corner of my eye
I see a moving shadow
This is it now I think I am done
Please Remind me why this is fun
I heard a knock at the door, nobody's even there My minds fucking with me
I have lost it. Now comes the blank stare.
Looking out the window I see a falling purple tree.
This isn't even possable what's happen to me!
My lips are blue. My skins to white.
My body is shakeing who turned out the light? From a distance I hear a question that gives me some fright,
Is she still breatheing? Make sure she's alright. A feel a little pinch just ever so slight. The rig is gone I am awake now its still night.
Dripping in the essence of silence
Has become a rhythmic routine.
I have to wake up now I need to pop a bean. Where is that blade I know it's here somewhere. Don't look at me like that the pain is a lot to bear.
Every corner I turn you seem to be!
Why won't you go away I want to be free. Please stop. your killing me.
I feel so empty, I feel so sore.
I thought it was fun keeping score.
But My veins are busted, my skin has tore.
I know i can't do this anymore.
I am collapsing death is close to my door. I can't feel my lungs let's settle the score.

[Nicolette918 4]

possible trigger warning

about my mom the name of this one is time is up for you.

Your smile faded You breathe no more Your skin shed light Your muscles tore
I sit and watch as the days and nights move past ,I know time is nearly up. your hair is gone at last ,A tiny frame has become of you. You seem to wither as a feather does unto the wind. I know your time is almost up. It is nearing the end. Pain creeps over you more than any person should ever have to bear.all I can do is watch as the illness takes its toll. Time is running out.As you grow weaker and thinner the light in your eyes has become a blank slate, gazing at what the future holds fear of knowing its to late. Tears fall fast down your sunken cheeks from the fear you try to hide but ma I heard them fall before you died. Time was running out. The amount of agony upon your lips as your speech left you dry afraid of leaving this life knowing soon you will die. like that of a peach ,You where full of life plump and pretty waiting to be picked you had grown to a true beauty at last. But you fell from your limb left only to be devoured by fate to wither unto a hollow dried up case. You sank down into the earth the only thing left of you a seed. You had made life but yours was ripped apart by an overwhelming sickness that lies unto our feet. The stars guided you home amongst the streams of life that churned by like sand in an hourglass. Time has come to a end for you.Seasons, holidays, months have passed without you here I will never forget the times we shared last. As the candle fire extinguished within this life, you where the bravest after all you had become someone's sister, someones wife,you where a daughter, you made life. You where a mother who taught what was right. You where an angel who gave others the light. You where the greatest of fighters after all of your time even upon your bed you didn't show the fear and worry in your head. Ma I will always love and miss you forever and more. Time is up for you now but ma promise me please that you will wait for me at the golden door.

[Nicolette918 4]

momma-

Frigid air, frostbites the tip of my
whispers to you.
Messages frozen in time,
you are the woman
who gave me life.
You where a true gift that I am forever in gratitude, but I wonder
if you know that I miss
your laughter in an evening
when its our time.
Give it all you got,
dig deep, let the all
mighty know that it simply was not
your time to die.
I havn't finished showing you
the dance under the umbrella,
we still have margarita's to
sip, and I need you.
I watched as your body wilted, your color seemed to fade, your smile slowly vanished, your voice began to shake. The fear of what was coming ate at both of our hearts, your tears fell as quick as mine. Months before you left you knew the time was coming soon. I heard you cry at night from fear of what death would be. I cried too because I didn't want too lose my best friend but most important my mommy. There was a chill in the air ever so piercing it came. The light in your eyes was now a gazed shade of grey. There was so much more I needed to ask so much left to say. I never got my answers because you didn't get to stay. It's been 7 years now since you past and I still miss you the same. I cant wait to hold you again and feel your warm embrace. Too see your lovely golden glowing face. One of these days I know I will again be blessed by your ever loving grace and when the oceans meet and the sun begins to set upon our place I will be waiting for the dolphins to take us for the race.
You are greatly missed momma
I love you forever and always
Sincerely ~your little sunshine~

[Nicolette918 4]

warning possible trigger for some.

~a call to late~

The days pass me by. The nights drag on. The hours spent alone are far to long. I reach out for help but I'm pushed away. My thoughts are endless and I wonder if there is even a reason left to stay. The leaves change and the colors are gone, I sit and ponder on what went wrong. Why did you leave. What have I done. Is it my fault. And am I the reason you chose to turn and run. Why must everyone leave me here alone with this hurt and pain. Is there really any happiness for me to ever gain. My mind is deteriorating I'm falling apart inside. Did she even here me before she died. The seasons change from winter,and fall but still no answer from you when I call. you let me go, you left me. Was there ever a reason to be. I reached out but you pushed me away. I guess you never wanted me to stay. My body has grown tired and I'm to weak to eat. Walking around but not on my feet. A hollow shell of a girl who use to be happy and fun was pushed away and abandoned until she started to come undone. Now everyone wonders where she has gone they all say they miss her and wonder what went wrong but they will all forget again before long. A whisper in the wind,a shadow on the wall why was she left to drown when all it would have taken was that one call. Why was she left alone all this time to handle her pain, why was she left to drown in the rain.
Pushed aside she went to hide and that same night the rest of her died.

[Gilly 1086]

These are very good nikki, you should keep writing, it's therapeutic and will be good for you. Your writing style is vibrant, the content may not be for everyone but you are expressing yourself so well, I'm really impressed.

[Nicolette918 4]

thanks gilly

 

[jonathan123 2367]

Hi. nikki. Very moving. Whoever reads must read between the lines.  The feelings you express so well are common to all who suffer the agony of nervous and mental illness. Heart rending stuff. Moved to tears but that's fine.   Bless you.    J.

[Nicolette918 4]

john I do have some very odd forms of writing. most are due to either how I feel or what I have been through. a lot of it comes from my experiences and helps me to tell others what I am thinking and feeling. the things I have posted so far have been written from last year through this year. the most current one was the one about life and the government where I kind of through in hints as to what I meant but it takes a strong mind to read beyond the words. the two about my mum were back in February of this year. most may or may not know but my mum passed when I was 13 from c****r. she was diagnosed when I was 11 and I took care of her during this time mostly on my own. her passing was February 3rd of 2007. I am sorry it made you cry and I do apologize if any of it was triggering for you or anyone else. just as a heads up I plan to post more soon and all of the things I write may be triggering to some. I also plan to put up a small portion of a draft of my life story but am still unsure as to where and how to go about it being it may be very hard for some to read about my experiences being that some is a bit detailed about certain abuse and pain that I have undergone. I would also like to post another item that may be funny to others and a bit odd but its about me and just the things that make me who I am such as funny things I did as a child one of them being eating a bar of soap from the shower and burping bubbles and also I guess this goes along saying babies eat everything they can fit in there mouths but I also ate my rubber bottle top and shit rubber into my diaper for days lol I also went streaking after a bath my mum said I ran right out the house and through the neighborhood in nothing but my shiny little butt and ran strait to the mud lol hopeing to get more things posted as soon as I possibly can. take care Jonathan  love nikki 

[jonathan123 2367]

Hi nikki. No need whatever to apologise. I said it brought tears to my eyes not made me cry. It never ceases to amaze me the courage that people show when confronted with the problems and heartache that our troubles cause. You are able to express yourself in words; something which a lot of folk find difficult but that is good therapy, as Gilly says. I would not worry overmuch about 'triggering'. You are sensible enough to put that your writing may cause a problem to some so they need not read it, but I find nothing offensive or disturbing in it. But most important of all your writing is from the heart and THAT is rare. You know, nikki, when we suffer a lot of withheld emotion in the unconscious is released which would otherwise remain hidden. It is as if the suffering is a catalyst. With most people, when they suffer, they tend to 'turn off' so that the frightening thoughts wont harm them. Understandable but not mentally healthy. You, on the other hand, are facing your thoughts and expressing them in your writing which is good. Keep doing it. I worked with a Jungian psychologist for some time and he felt that any form of expression, art, poetry, writing, singing, acting etc was good for the emotional health and I now know that to be true. Jung used to hold art exhibitions for his patients and some of it, like your writing, could only be understood by those with that particular insight. So keep writing nikki, and the best of luck to you. And thanks for the 'love'. THAT is something we can all do with more of!  Blessings.  J.

[Nicolette918 4]

~warning may trigger some~

I can't bear the hurt; I can't stand the pain a feeling of sadness I can't explain. This is a life in which I walk alone shattered and broken Always angry for no reason at all Constantly wanting to end my pain Fighting with myself again, and again, Nothing I do can make her proud There’s no silver lining on her clouds I’m a rainstorm filled with dark black skies And a haunting rainfall full of lies I only wish I could make her see I’m trying hard so I can be Someone she that can trust and love Instead she tells me I'm not good enough Everything I do is a wrong decision She constantly tells me I'm not living The path that she truly wishes I'd take But she doesn't understand I'm just one big mistake If I could I'd erase myself from here I wouldn't have to live this fear want to be skinny And always happy, fun, and pretty Instead I look at myself in the mirror Disappointed in the reflection that appears It’s hard to live when you don't love who you are Wishing that you could change it all Every day I make a mental note How much would I actually be missed, if I decide to go And how much more I can take before I fall over the edge How much longer can I last? Before my life becomes one of the past. When the blade slices deep across my skin all the pain and all my thoughts and worries slip away everything is calm and I feel at peace when I see the blood I feel free and when the cuts start to heal it makes me hopeful that I will someday heal it feels so much better to feel at ease everything just seems to go blank and my head starts to clear and at times I completely fade out and then I’m at full ease but it’s a complicated task to pull off unless I go deep the only way I can truly be free is to take the leap and end what’s left of me

[Nicolette918 4]

WARNING MAY TRIGGER SOME

                                                           ~comatose~

I feel so very empty,
I feel so very alone,
I chew nervously On my cold bottom lip
My pupils have consumed the light of my eyes
blurred my world so it seems
arms bruised,feeling used
But I just smile as if I'm amused.
blood stained sheets,torn flesh, silence left at its best.
numb scars,feeling too far lost, blood pumping through a small single heart.

If that heart were to stop,
Were to give up and run,
There is no hope,
The deed would be done.

Just like the heart a person can die.
Though there are many ways that a person may try,
The worse way to go is dying inside.

What is the pain to the numb?
Triggering blood to flow and to come,
It makes no sense, bleeding to realize you can still feel,
Its like ending a story that never began.
comatose release.
Lost..
I am here,
But I can't see you,
someone says I'm numb,
That I can't hear you,
but They are wrong...sometimes I can.
I see the tears
Roll down your face,
I want to wipe
Them all away.
But I am stuck
Inside this body,
It's like a dream,
But it's not ending.
I feel your touch...sometimes.
Your gentle kiss,
It's what keeps
Me holding on.
I know your hope
is fading quickly,
your voice is shaking.
"I love you,
Please stay with me"
I never wanted to hurt you,
Your hand's in mine,like a fire against ice melting me.
Don't be afraid my love,hold me close.
One day I'll wake up, one day I will be ok
You'll see, one day you wont have to save me from thee.
one day I will feel again and be happy.
for now it's just you,me and comatose.

[Nicolette918 4]

warning may be very triggering for most warning

THE TICKING TIMEBOMB

1:20am... The tension is building

1:23am... The temptation is overwhelming

1:25am... Just do it                                                                                                                                                                                                

1:26am... The knife is pulled from my pocket

1:29am... My mind sinks even lower

1:31am... Tears begin to flow

1:34am... The knife is turned over and over being pondered

1:35am... Last chance, no turning back

1:37am... The knife is raised and switched open

1:38am... The knife is pressed to the vain

1:40am... A flash of thoughts

1:40am... A sudden surge of pain

1:50am... Everything is now numb, cold and empty

1:55am... The complete silence of death

 7:30am... Found lifeless

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Nicolette918 4]

_{WARNING MAY TRIGGER MOST-} 

I WOULD LIKE TO ADD AHEAD OF TIME I HAVE NO PLANS AS TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS. THIS IS MY STYLE OF WRITEING AND HELPS ME TO GET OUT THE FEELING AND THOUGHTS IN A SAFE MANNER WITHOUT DOING MUCH TO ANY PHYSICAL HARM TO MYSELF. IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW NEEDS TO TALK WRITE IT OUT. ON A SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO ADD ALSO THAT I AM HERE FOR THOSE THAT WISH TO ASK ME QUESTIONS AND WOULD JUST LIKE TO TALK.  PLEASE IF YOU ARE IN A BAD MIND SET DO NOT CONTINUE READING RIGHT NOW GO AND TALK TO SOMEONE OR WRITE IT OUT.

_{My mind- always distorted- has reached the point of no return.I wish for a farewell kiss, not from you, but from this.My neighbors will hear one g**shot, but to me it will be a silent whisper, "rest."Su*c*de is not centered on weakness but on absolute power.How many can grip a g*n to their skull and pull the trigger.A worthy expense for an unceasing agony, at least in my case.Others wait for something or someone to save them, something that doesn't exist that someone that is always to late.For me I choose a lesser movement, just a squeeze of a finger, as this bullet whispers in my ear. no more pain. no more fear.}

[Nicolette918 4]

warning may trigger some

just going to say I kinda threw this together I did not worry about the flow but its actually a 2 in 1 thing I have written but very similar so I figure they may work as one.

I've cried a thousand tears now my walls are caving in. I don't know where to start or how to begin. I continue to wonder if this will ever end. Days pass by while nights drag on. It's been this way for far to long. Sitting alone in agony and despair I wonder what it would be like if I still had you there. There is no light at the end of my tunnel as far as I can see. Through lonely hours I sit and wonder, why me?

In the light you think you see me but I'm not really there I disappear in the wind and leave you holding onto fear the final  breath I took was just another step in my mind. Im like ticking time bomb ready to explode slowly slipping farther through the night but the words I always speak to you are that I will be alright. If only you could see right through the sleeves I wear you would see what has become of me.behind closed doors the smile fades and the tears are all that's left but if you only new the truth my tears aren't like the rest when the cloth is removed you will know my mind has been distressed

 

 

 

[jonathan123 2367]

Hi nikki. When counselling I met so many who talked about the ultimate solution' which is no solution at all although it may seem so at the time. I often met the same people months even years later who were recovered. HOPE, there is always hope. There is you know nikki, however deep in the pit we may have gone. This may not mean anything to you now and I can feel the despair in your words, but in the midst of them I see sparks of light. Little sparks but sparks nevertheless. Sparks can turn into fire. The blazing light of recovery and redemption. No one, absolutely no one is beyond repair. However long we have suffered and in some cases for tens of years recovery is possible. Don't believe me? I can only speak from experience and that is my understanding.  "One day I will feel again and be happy". YES. You will. Uphill? YES. Difficult? YES but POSSIBLE.   Blessings.    J.

[thehipsta 8]

TEA DANCE


She’s there week upon week
But never speaks
To the men she holds
Aftershave close and cheek to glowing cheek
But she dreams
Of a life with any one of them
Of any life but hers
Of any life not spent alone
With only the fire
And Richard and Judy
For company

And as she’s spun
By this man in his best suit
Still worn at the cuffs
She closes her eyes
And is dancing the first dance
Dressed in white
And beautiful
All eyes on her and the man who will make her complete
Fill her empty life with fulsome conversation
Who will sort the morning post
While he
Puts just the right amount of jam on her toast
And just the right amount of sugar
In her tea

As Glen Miller fades
And polished shoes drift into distance
She heads for home
Alone
Stopping only briefly at the corner shop
For milk 
And at the bus stop
To talk to Elsie

That night
Fire on two bars and
Tea with just the right amount of sugar
In her hand
She once again allows her leaden lids to close
And once again
She dances…

[jonathan123 2367]

Wonderful!  About loneliness, isn't it. The curse of modern society. You can be so lonely in the middle of a city of ten million people. Sad!  J.

[thehipsta 8]

FOR THE LOSERS


Life is dealt from the bottom of the deck
By some god in some distant casino
It’s all fives and threes
Unless you believe, and then
You only see aces and queens

But me, I’ll take the hand I’m given
And see it for what its worth
And accept that I’m not going to win
That does not mean that I give in
I just understand my position at the table
And am able
To reconcile my soul with this

[jonathan123 2367]

As always a little gem. Acceptance. Losing doesn't mean you don't win. That's a strange paradox but true. Someone once said you have to lose your life to gain it.  Bit deep? Worth thinking about.  Thanks.   J.