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momof3

Another bad day.....

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I can't snap out of this.  I am SO depressed and anxious.  I cannot shake the thought that I may be sick and my kids will have to grow up without a mother.  This morning, after I left for work, I got a call from my oldest child telling me that the other two were crying and I could hear it in the background.  For some reason, this makes my anxiety worse - like if I'm not there, things will fall apart.  I hear my daughter yelling "I want to see mommy" and all I can think of is what if I wasn't there for her.  It's tearing me apart.  The only relief I get is sleep and the minute I wake up, my stomach goes into knots and the anxiety of the day starts all over again.  I'm exhausted.

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Oh dear, mom, what can I say to you to make you understand how ill founded are your fears. Is it any good my saying that anxiety has become your habit? From the moment you wake up it's there, isn't it? Look, you devote your life to your kids, you love them, care for them and try to understand them. What more can you do? One thing I am sure you would not want to do is to pass on to them all your fears and worries. Children pick things up so easily, and an atmosphere can have an effect on them. What makes you think you will not be there for them? This is the old enemy, anticipation, which is a real curse in anxiety. You can't and won't 'snap out of it', it's not that easy. But you can challenge every thought that comes up.

'I might die and the kids would be left alone'. WHY? WHY would that happen. Are you reasonably fit? Then why?  Question, challenge the thoughts, and remember above all else it is the anxiety talking and frightening you. You are responding to fear which breeds more fear. Try, just a little bit at first, but try to accept the way you feel. Stop struggling with the feelings and stop trying to 'snap out of it'.     Jon.

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Try and think if this a different way. While you are here for your kids you are worrying about being sick with something that will leave your kids without their mother. But while you are alive, do they really have their mother? Instead if being in the moment, making good memories. You are spending your time worrying about them not having you. You have to tell yourself that it is anxiety and it is robbing you from fully enjoying your kids. Not only that but it is robbing you of enjoying your life.

Are you in any kind of therapy? I think that would help you greatly. Are you on any kinds of meds to help give you some breathing room from your anxiety/ thoughts? If you have been to the dr and they found nothing to be wrong with you, you HAVE to believe it. Tell yourself that you have gotten checked and everything came out fine. It's just anxiety tricking you.

You can do this!!!

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Thank you so much.  I am in therapy and on medication right now (as of 3 weeks ago).  I'm hoping that it is still "kicking in".  KH84, I think you are so right.

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Try and think if this a different way. While you are here for your kids you are worrying about being sick with something that will leave your kids without their mother. But while you are alive, do they really have their mother? Instead if being in the moment, making good memories. You are spending your time worrying about them not having you. You have to tell yourself that it is anxiety and it is robbing you from fully enjoying your kids. Not only that but it is robbing you of enjoying your life.

 

 

KH is so right. I know it may sound harsh to hear it, because anxiety can be so cruel and horrible to live with, but I know it did help when I finally accepted the reaslisation I wasn't even living anyway. I worked harder, and it is work, it's hard work but we have to grab it by the balls and fight for ourselves, fight for our lives. And I know Jon, before you say it lol I don't mean fight it in that sense, but fight for ourselves by accepting and changing what we need to change. Be positive, fill your days with things that are positive, after every negative thought, think a positive one, it doesn't have to be real, I deluded myself many, many times but who cares? Anxiety sure doesn't care it's tricking us, so why can't we delude anxiety? 

 

you CAN do this mom :)

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Thank you thank you thank you.  You guys help me SO much.  xo

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Yes Gilly. We have to be careful about the word fight. I agree with you, but I would call it determination. To fight to get rid of anxiety is self defeating. It means a struggle which is not helpful, but to fight with a firm resolve to study and understand is a different matter. Yes, there is a distinction.      Jon.

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Hi momof3, I have exactly the same problem as you. I am the mom of a 15 year old girl, and as I have been divorced since she was a baby, we are very close. She is a truly beautiful person and I want so much for her to be happy - for the past ten years I have lived in fear that something will happen to me and she will be left behind alone without me. After I finally cracked under the strain, last month for the first time, I started therapy to try to get over my worries which just keep on and on coming at me. I miss the person I once was and although I do my best not to show my daughter how I feel, I think she picks it up. I just want to be free and trust that everything will be ok. I read that we need to start thinking of two options: Option A says that we have a terrible illness; Option B says that we have an emotional illness. If we can start to see that Option B is the one we are battling with, then slowly our minds will take on a new way of thinking. 

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Hi Ann. Welcome to AC. Sorry to hear of your problems. Of course we must clear our minds of the possibility that we may have a physical illness, and the only way to do that is to see our doctor. I believe this applies to anxiety also. The initial response should be to have a chat with our GP and, once having ruled out any physical problem, we can get on with tackling anxiety. Everyone on this site knows and understands as we have all been there so you are in good company. The feeling that you will leave your family behind and that something terrible will happen is so common in anxiety that I suggest we have all had it. It is good that you are having therapy. To me therapy in the form of one to one counselling and mild medication can work wonders. If you don't want to take meds then that is OK. Many do without and succeed. Can I suggest you look at the articles on the site and especially 'Recent Articles' under RESOURCES. You will see how others have coped and won through. You use the words 'battling with'. May I suggest that fighting and battling with 'IT' is not the way to go about it. Fighting and battling creates more tension and thus more anxiety. You get caught in the fear/anxiety/fear cycle. Anxiety is a good conjurer and a liar. We are led to believe things that are, in effect, an illusion, just as in a conjuring trick. But being bewildered and confused we believe it. What sort of therapy do you have? Come back and talk to us whenever you wish. Good to have you here and I hope you gain something of value by being with us.    Jon.

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Really get the feeling of leaving children behind to cope at a young age.  It is a fear many of us have. Agree with the comments of making the most of the time you have. Sometimes I think if I live to the ripe old age of 90  plus how much will I kick myself for worrying so much :(

 

Wish I could remember that when having issues!!!!

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Thank you so much Jon, and yes I agree completely, and after reading some of your earlier posts yesterday (before I saw your reply), today I tried to practice not trying to fight or block the thoughts, but just to let them come and then to deal with them logically, even writing down the points. When the fear came back, I let it, but thought those logical thoughts as hard as I could.

 

I have been in and out of doctors for years and years. Last week my doctor looked me in the eye and said "there is nothing wrong with you - these feelings and thoughts are like nasty "demons" in your mind" and I am trying to remember that too. 

 

I am also on medication and my psychologist has taught me some breathing exercises.

 

Thank you all on this site - it really helps to realise one is not alone in this, especially that so many moms also suffer the same fears that I have.

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Hi Ann. Thank God. Just when I was losing faith in the medical profession you have found a doctor with some common sense!   Demons! Oh yes, that is just what they are, and like all nasty animals they have to be trained to obey their master. YOU. Did I mention to challenge the thoughts as they appear. 'I might die'. Why would you? You are fit aren't you and young? What are the odds against this happening? Must run into millions to one. Better chance of winning the lottery. Get the thoughts out on paper. Write answers to them. Constantly challenge them. Anxiety is a liar and a cheat but he is good at it, in fact a master. He has practised for centuries and goes on, but only as far as we let him.

You will be OK Ann because I believe you have the right attitude.      Jon.

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Thank you Jon, I hope and pray that I will be ok. I still get overwhelmed by fear quite often but I am trying really hard to challenge my catastrophic assumptions. 

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