Insomniac musician with OCD and more!

[Steve4AM 14]

   I've been on almost every medicine, and visited multiple psychologists.

Actually, I know a lot about OCD now, except how to cure my own situation!

( Actually, there is no cure, you just have to deal with it in some way that suits you. )

   I'm a musician, and actually kind of popular, or at least I used to be,

before I quit drinking ( great! ) and my alcoholic friends abandoned me. ( wtf? )

I'm naturally antisocial, but have learned to pretend to be social in public!

The problem is, I can't admit my OCD, hoarding or other symptoms to my friends,

( I've tried, it just scares people away.  This is a cruel world. )

which means that I only have a few close friends and family,

and a girlfriend who has her own issues, probably causing us to break up soon.

   In truth, I am very lonely, depressed, and you might notice, somewhat bitter about it,

and I can't admit it, because nobody wants to hear it.

   But I can tell you people, in the middle of the night, because we don't know eachother IRL!

Please offer suggestions, and I'll try to do the same for you.

 

-Rockstar Steve

[JungleJulia 235]

Hi Rockstar Steve Welcome to Anxiety Central! Sounds like you;re going through a particularly rough time at the moment, sorry to hear that. I wish I had some great advice but like you said, there are no real cures. It's a good think that you're sharing, even if it's just with us here, there are lots of us who are in similar situations. It helps to know people who have been through similar experiences, its much less lonely! Be kind to yourself, come chat if you see people in the chatroom. Take care x

[Gilly 1086]

Hey Steve, welcome to AC A rockstar eh? That is so cool, you will fit right in here, we call ourselves rockstars when we kick anxieties butt!

 

It's difficult to open up to friends and family, it's hard for them to understand, and yes it can be incredibly frustrating. We do know how you feel. Even though the stigma surrounding these disorders is improving there is still a lot to learn for most people who don't suffer from it. We do understand though, we totally 'get it' I hope it helps to vent to us, or just to come chat, hopefully that may alleviate some of the problems you encounter IRL making it less stressful for you. 

[Steve4AM 14]

   It might seem egotistical to call myself "a rockstar", but I really feel that that I "could have been" or "could still be" if I didn't have these issues holding me back!  At the show they were treating me like I was "somebody", instead of the crazy recluse I might seem at home.

   I just don't think I can be truly happy without being famous.  Obvious obsession talking, if not delusions of grandeur, and yet most people who manage stay in the limelight for more than 15 minutes must devote significant attention to the matter.

  Perhaps I am "trying too hard", or not actually believing in myself enough?  My personality is a mess of self defeating behaviors which I am trying to identify and train away one by one, but it's not always easy.  ( For example, when I quit drinking to be more focused on success, but then was overrun with OCD increase. )