Looks like my worst fears are materialising

[Ironman 138]

5 hours ago, Ryn079 said:

@MARC and @Ironman thanks a lot for your kind words.  

I'm a mess. I can't understand why this happened to me. I don't drink, don't smoke and don't eat rubbish. 

 

I just can't understand why...

It could be anything - genetic, or just something that happened.  It's not because of anything you did.  The great news is that the issue was found and that it is taken care of.  

What you are going through is something anyone would be going through - with or without anxiety disorder.  I would even look into places where others who have dealt with this can communicate to be specific.  

Again, your anxiety at this point is completely understandable and normal.  You will be okay no matter what.

Sending prayer for peace and fast healing.

[MARC 425]

As you know, things happen for no reason. My wife's friend this past Monday, just dropped dead after a walk with her husband from a massive heart attack. She exercised every day and was not under a lot of stress, so go figure. 

[Ryn079 9]

Good evening guys. Short update. It was kidney cancer. Kidney has been removed for a week and oncologist visit next week.  No spreading of cancer.

 

I feel very strange, like I can't trust my body as it tricked me, and every ache now is cancer.

Don't know how to proceed.....

[MARC 425]

Sorry to hear. My former boss had kidney cancer and he had his kidney removed and he was fine. 

[MARC 425]

Don't be too hard on yourself as the diagnosis of cancer would make anyone scared.

[MARC 425]

One positive is that the cancer did not spread. 

[Total Eclipse 89]

On 10/27/2022 at 4:14 PM, MARC said:

As you know, things happen for no reason. My wife's friend this past Monday, just dropped dead after a walk with her husband from a massive heart attack. She exercised every day and was not under a lot of stress, so go figure. 

How are you and your wife holding up?

[Total Eclipse 89]

On 11/25/2022 at 3:11 PM, Ryn079 said:

Good evening guys. Short update. It was kidney cancer. Kidney has been removed for a week and oncologist visit next week.  No spreading of cancer.

 

I feel very strange, like I can't trust my body as it tricked me, and every ache now is cancer.

Don't know how to proceed.....

How are you feeling? I'm so sorry you got the C dx, please keep us updated. There are people here who have gone through cancer and still in treatment. The trauma from having cancer is real. We are here for you!

[Ryn079 9]

I'm a mess.  Everything I feel is now some kind of C.  I have had full CT scan, colonoscopy and stomach endoscopy but I am thinking that my nausea is C.  Operation was a week ago, and had tube in my nose, yesterday I noticed a point on my nose hurts, so I am thinking I have C in my face.

Surgeon is super happy with outcome but to me, I have short time to live.

I only want to stay in bed and do nothing.  I am very anxious and getting a lot of hot flushes.

I never thought I would have to face this and sincerely I do not think I am coping at the moment.

 

[Ironman 138]

23 hours ago, Ryn079 said:

I'm a mess.  Everything I feel is now some kind of C.  I have had full CT scan, colonoscopy and stomach endoscopy but I am thinking that my nausea is C.  Operation was a week ago, and had tube in my nose, yesterday I noticed a point on my nose hurts, so I am thinking I have C in my face.

Surgeon is super happy with outcome but to me, I have short time to live.

I only want to stay in bed and do nothing.  I am very anxious and getting a lot of hot flushes.

I never thought I would have to face this and sincerely I do not think I am coping at the moment.

 

Is there anyone who has been through this who can help you?  

This sounds like a form of survivor's guilt.

[Total Eclipse 89]

On 11/27/2022 at 1:43 AM, Ryn079 said:

I'm a mess.  Everything I feel is now some kind of C.  I have had full CT scan, colonoscopy and stomach endoscopy but I am thinking that my nausea is C.  Operation was a week ago, and had tube in my nose, yesterday I noticed a point on my nose hurts, so I am thinking I have C in my face.

Surgeon is super happy with outcome but to me, I have short time to live.

I only want to stay in bed and do nothing.  I am very anxious and getting a lot of hot flushes.

I never thought I would have to face this and sincerely I do not think I am coping at the moment.

 

It's a hard wait. And I know each check up to make sure it hasn't come back is going to be scary. We are here for you. Know that you have to keep moving forward. Where they able to remove all the cancer?

[Ryn079 9]

All cancer was removed including adjacent fat and lymph nodes. It looks like no spreading had occured, except for some leakage in the adjacent fat tissue, which was removed.

I am currently freaking out about pancreatic C, as sometimes I get a slight oily residue after passing stools. 

I really can't take it anymore.

[Ironman 138]

@Ryn079 - they checked for that, you are fine in the C department.

As for the stool, that's something else - likely exacerbated by your stress.

[Bobnnat 495]

Oily residue is common. I get it on occasion. Means nothing. Like Ironman said, when you get a cancer dx they do scans to assure no spread occurred. Plus as long as the margins they took are clear, and I believe they get the path report on that while you’re still under, then spread is not possible.

It OK to be sad and scared. BUT and I mean this with peace and love, the pity party will need to come to an end. Sounds like early stage, good cure numbers. Just do what the docs say, of course keep your follow ups, eat well, stay hydrated, take any meds they Rx. 

[Ryn079 9]

I would like to thank each and every one of you. Just a small update, my crp is down to 20. All other bloodwork parameters are excellent. Doc is super happy and so am I.

I just need to get over the scare......

[Ironman 138]

8 minutes ago, Ryn079 said:

I would like to thank each and every one of you. Just a small update, my crp is down to 20. All other bloodwork parameters are excellent. Doc is super happy and so am I.

I just need to get over the scare......

They will monitor things; you will be fine now.  You are lucky to be where you are, so start thinking about positive things.

[Total Eclipse 89]

20 hours ago, Ryn079 said:

I would like to thank each and every one of you. Just a small update, my crp is down to 20. All other bloodwork parameters are excellent. Doc is super happy and so am I.

I just need to get over the scare......

It might take a little bit to 'get over it' (cancer can be quite scary); and after a few scans of everything being okay, things should settle down. One day at a time! I'm glad the doctor is super happy about your blood work. 

[Ryn079 9]

Hi guys,

Just wanted to let you know that all my blood work is ok, crp is 4. Doc doesn't see the need of getting more bloodwork done. And I'm starting immunotherapy coming week, which will consist of bloodwork too.

 

Thanks for the support.

[Ironman 138]

5 hours ago, Ryn079 said:

Hi guys,

Just wanted to let you know that all my blood work is ok, crp is 4. Doc doesn't see the need of getting more bloodwork done. And I'm starting immunotherapy coming week, which will consist of bloodwork too.

 

Thanks for the support.

That's really good news.  You'll have to describe what the immunotherapy is.  

[Ryn079 9]

Instead of chemotherapy which from what I heard kills all cells both bad and good, immunotherapy boosts the immune system to fight any cancer cells which might still be around.

It can be a pill or supplied by drip.  Mine is drip.

[MARC 425]

Sounds good. 😀

[Ryn079 9]

It's been a hard couple of weeks. My anxiety skyrocketed. Been to my GP every other day, went to ophthalmologist due to blurred vision, he couldn't find anything wrong and said no need to scan head. Now I have a blocked ear, have had episodes of blockages for the past year and a half, but today I'm freaking out. GP was never bothered with ear blockage, but I feel I'm going to die.

[Ironman 138]

1 hour ago, Ryn079 said:

It's been a hard couple of weeks. My anxiety skyrocketed. Been to my GP every other day, went to ophthalmologist due to blurred vision, he couldn't find anything wrong and said no need to scan head. Now I have a blocked ear, have had episodes of blockages for the past year and a half, but today I'm freaking out. GP was never bothered with ear blockage, but I feel I'm going to die.

It's stress.  I have a semi-blocked ear (my guess is fluid from a cold).  I have had it long enough to know it's not going to do me in.

Be careful about what you thinking about - it is causing the panic and stress.  That's not good.

[Bobnnat 495]

I agree with Ironman. You’ve been on high alert ever since your diagnosis. Rather than accept that it was caught early, I’m assuming Stage 1 and moving on with your life, you’re assuming that every normal or oddity that occurs (to everyone) is sinister in nature. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that and wonder how I, as one with HA would react in such a situation. 
 

I guess I would eventually come to the realization that I need to move on with my life, with my loved ones and persevere. After all, what’s the alternative, being miserable every day?

We are here for you Ryn. I might also suggest that you visit anxietycommunity .com which is much more active than this site. Between these two sites you should get good and timely responses when you post. Also, like this site in its heyday, the other site is full of good caring people, like Ironman.

Bob

[MARC 425]

Whenever a person is diagnosed with a serious illness, it can weigh heavily on your ability to cope. A client of mines husband has a malignant brain tumor and is terminal at only 47 years old. He has had the tumor since March 2020. He has crying spells periodically and is medicated, although he is still alert and can communicate well and walk around. Another friend of mine who is 68 has had 3 very stressful events in the last 2 years. First his wife passed away from bone cancer. Then he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and has recovered. Lastly, he had a benign brain tumor and had 9 hours of surgery at Hopkins and the tumor was so large that all of it could not be removed. He is monitored by MRI every 6 months. He was very depressed for a while but is doing better now as he has developed more of a social network, which keeps his mind occupied. So don't be too hard on yourself.