Ellebel 67 Posted August 9, 2021 Hello fellow worriers (warriors?!), Over the years i have received help from many of you and this site and you guys have my eternal grattitude. I would love to say i am doing better. I am not though. From all kinds of fears over my health of my sons health, i worry about the world and i even have had a bad case of existential depression. I will not go into detail because i wish this upon no one and it might trigger. So, i want to give back. I want to help you. I have noticed also i can be much more realistic when it comes to YOUR issues, not mine. Anyone in need of some advice or realism? Hit me! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PennyPanic 276 Posted August 9, 2021 Ellebel, I feel the same as you do. I've been on here off and on through the years and can see things so much clearer for others. I too went (am going through) a horrible existential depression. I also share your concern with the state of everything right now. But...since you asked... here's where I need help getting myself back on sound footing. I went for my annual skin check. Doc was sending me out the door with "all clear, everything's great." when I said "no wait, you haven't looked at these other spots." He was very quick about it all and I felt like this year he barely looked at me. Long story short, the 2 "spots" I insisted he look at he diagnosed as actinic keratosis...benign...but precancers. I'm having trouble dealing with that "precancer" lable. He burned both areas off...which I have since learned is the "gold standard" for treating these types of things to prevent them from become something bad later. However, I also learned that once you have one of these things it's a marker for damaged skin and more of these things are in one's future and yada yada yada (yes, I've googled) In 2012 I had a dysplastic nevus removed (also a precancer) Actinic keratosis can turn into a nonM cancer...of course, not all of them do. Some of them even go away on their own. Anyhow, my derm said I only need to see him once a year. He was very cavalier about it telling me that he's had them before himself (I was starting to freak out in his office). He told me overall my skin was "in pretty good shape." Because I don't think this otherwise very trusted derm gave me a thorough look and I needed some peace I went to another derm for a second opinion. I explained everything to him. He gave me a full skin check. Told me my skin was good. Confirmed that the spots were properly treated and sent me on my way. Anyhow, I'm feeling like I'm doomed to continue to get these things (that's what Google says). I feel like I'm old and wretched and my life is over and it will now here and forever be a never ending battle of burning scary stuff off...or worse. I was pretty inconsolable until I saw the second derm...I do feel a little better now...However, I don't know how people assimilate these things and move forward. It should be noted that I was diagnosed with an "incurable but controllable" disease 30 years ago. I dont' want to trigger anyone. What that is is irrelevant. I mention that because I know what it's like to fight day in and day out. I somehow assimilated that diagnosis. I just don't know how to deal with this because I view skin cancer as absolutely deadly. Any help, virtual slap back into reality, or wise words would be appreciated. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ellebel 67 Posted August 9, 2021 Hello @PennyPanic so sorry to hear you have the same issues as me. Big hugs!!! first of all: dont worry about the precancer label. It sounds worse then it is. That stuff hardly ever turns into something and even if it does it is highly treatable!! As for burning them off: if its the gold standard, how bad can it be? can u imagine how many people have that burned off daily? with zero bad consequences? Anyway: its off now! no point in worrying ;) Okay: your feeling of doom. I get it. I disagree, but i get it. Let it pass. If you have to burn off stuff often; do it. Dont sweat it. Worse? With your vigilance? never! You're life is not over. Time is very relative. Your life is NOW, whether 20 or 70. Live it! How bout that for a virtual slap? lol. So now i can go back to my absolutely ridiculous fear of ALS ;) 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MARC 431 Posted August 9, 2021 I had basal cell carcinoma around 13 years ago. I saw a shiny spot on my upper right nose that did not look quite right. I went to my dermatologist and he looked at it briefly, grimaced and then biopsied it. Once I saw him grimace (he could never play poker as he would give his hand away) I knew it was bad news. He called me and said it was basal cell carcinoma and sent me to a Mohs surgeon for removal. I went to see the surgeon, who talked to me briefly and we went back for the surgery in his office. He sat me in a special chair and hooked a BP and heart monitor to my arm and he then proceeded to give me a needle in my nose to numb the area. I was awake the whole time and when he went in to remove the tumor, he said it was deeper then it appeared, so he had to go in a second time. When it was done, he told me there was a 99.99% chance it would not come back and it has not. When I get my annual skin exam, he does it pretty quickly too. Dermatologists see skin issues all of the time and if they thought there was the least bit of risk, they would biopsy it, so I would not worry. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jonathan123 2368 Posted August 10, 2021 Hi. PennyPanic. Let's stop looking at symptoms and get down to causes. It may seem strange to us that a doctor can just take a passing look at something and dismiss it as anxiety. I was an electrical engineer before my counselling days, and I could recognise instantly if there was a problem with supply, where a layman saw nothing. They are at it all day and see so many patients. As MARC says, if there was real problem they would not let it go because these days so many would sue them for neglect. But it's not as simple as that is it? Existentialism!! Why am I here? What the hell is it all about? We ask ourselves unanswerable questions and panic and become depressed because we can find no answer. Religious people think they have the answer, and so many theories have come up over the years. But the fact is we are here alive and able to enjoy this one off life if we can and are given the right circumstances. But anxiety can dim any enjoyment and make us think life is not worth the bother. Depression so often follows prolonged anxiety. Once again and always we come up with this Googling problem. In anxiety we are so open to suggestion and Googling will do that. It plants that seed of doubt in the mind which grows if left unattended. On this site over the last nine years we have always advised not to Google. It's very difficult not to be curious and want to know, but Dr. Google is not the place to go to. Your doctors should be the only ones you take advice from. They know you and your symptoms and can act accordingly. By frightening ourselves we just make matters worse. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davide.h 26 Posted August 10, 2021 Hi Ellabel. This has been the hardest year of my life. I don't really have much to live for anymore. Nothing makes me happy anymore! I am either filled with hopelessness or dread or some combination of both. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MARC 431 Posted August 11, 2021 I have a client who helps disabled people. There was a young man in his 20s who had no arms and had fingers out of his shoulders. He was at the lunch table with me eating lunch. He stuck his head in the bowl and ate like an animal would. He picked up his drink with his mouth and drank. He has a job answering the phone for a law office off hours. He seems to be happy or at least accepting his situation. When I think I have problems I look at him and my problems are nothing compared to what he is up against. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ellebel 67 Posted August 13, 2021 On 8/11/2021 at 1:25 AM, davide.h said: Hi Ellabel. This has been the hardest year of my life. I don't really have much to live for anymore. Nothing makes me happy anymore! I am either filled with hopelessness or dread or some combination of both. @davide.h im so sorry for your predicament. How come its been so hard? lots of hugs! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davide.h 26 Posted September 6, 2021 On 8/13/2021 at 3:41 AM, Ellebel said: @davide.h im so sorry for your predicament. How come its been so hard? lots of hugs! Sorry for the late reply. Because my life's fading away and I haven't done all the things I want to. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
