Opened myself up to love for the first time in my life and now deeply regretting it.

[cutecat25 14]

I've had anxiety surrounding relationships and commitment my whole life, and as a result never allowed myself to get into a relationship.

This year at work, one of my co workers started showing interest in me, by asking for my number, talking to me a lot at work, texting and calling me and suggesting we hang out outside of work.

At first I didn't have feelings for him, but then I had a dream about him and that changed everything. After that dream I became obsessed with him.

We hung out at his house twice recently, and sorry if this is tmi, the second time I went to his, we were intimate with eachother.

Now since that day he's only called me once.

I don't know if he's lost interest as over the last couple of months he's usually been the one to make the effort my calling and texting first and when he would call i would usually not answer due to anxiety, and call back later.

There were also a couple of times I cancelled/rescheduled us hanging out.

So maybe he feels i'm not interested?

I saw him at work yesterday and it was so awkward. He didn't really say much, but I guess I dont blame him as there were other staff members around, but if wouldve been nice for him to call or text me to explain why hes been so silent lately. 

Our last interactions together were fine, we never fought or argued and he seemed to be enjoying his time with me. Now i'm doubting that.

I feel so anxious and depressed.

My life has been unbearable lately with health and financial problems, and having him show interest in me bought me a glimmer of hope during a really dark time. Now instead of helping me through this painful time in my life (he has no idea of my personal struggles) he's just added to the pain, making it almost impossible for me to get through the day, because my anxiety is so intense.

My obsessive thoughts have been hell.

I can't stop doubting he ever liked me.

Re reading old messages, replaying memories of him in my mind. My mind tells me that all our positive interactions with eachother never happened at that I made it all up. 😞

I can't believe I finally open myself up to love for the first time in my 27 years of life, and end up getting hurt like this. 

I truly like him, and I hate that i've invested so much time and emotional energy into someone that obviously doesnt like me back. 

Everyone else I know are in happy, stable relationships, I finally get a taste test of what that's like and it doesnt even last more than a few months. It's so cruel.

Im not like other girls where I can easily develop feelings for a guy. It takes a lot for me to feel something, and I can't imagine feeling this way about anyone else again. 😞

 

I'm not sure what to do.  The fact that there's no genuine reason for his loss of interest, and how our last experience together was a positive one, is what kills me the most.

If something happened to make him loose interest, then I could be a little more accepting of the whole situation, yet, there's something inside of me that still hopes that things will work out between us, which I know is wrong. 😞

Friends have told me I should call him and ask him for an explanation, but I've always had trouble being the first one to reach out.

 

Sigh....sorry for the long post. Just not sure where to go from here.

[jonathan123 2368]

Hi, Cutecat.  I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Relationships can be the very devil at times, and coping with the ups and downs can be very trying. By what you say it would seem he may be one of those guys who gets what he wants and loses interest.  I don't know you or him to make any firm judgements. 

It may be a good idea to face him and ask what the problem is. But if you are a shy person that can be very difficult. Please don't give up on love because of this experience. You are young and there are many sincere and honest guys out there. You sound inexperienced about male relationships. Where women have an emotional response, men sometimes have only a desire for self gratification. I have found it difficult for women to understand this. It's not so much being naïve as not understanding. Only life can teach us about relationships, and we should try to be open to learning. It's not your fault. You found what you thought was love and  now feel let down, even rejected. It may be that he thinks you have lost interest if you delay answering his calls. Can you pluck up enough courage to ask outright what the problem is? By email or text? For your own peace of mind this has to be resolved one way or another. 

Take care and try not to flog yourself with guilt. It is in no way your fault. Best wishes.    John.

[cutecat25 14]

Thankyou John! I will reach out to him, and hopefully he can give me an explanation. Appreciate your response!

[MARC 429]

I have been married over 33 years now. I was also married once before for 3 and half years. My first wife and I just got back from going on vacation in Toronto and we were in our apartment about to have dinner. My wife handed me my plate of food and said by the way I am leaving you. Boy was I shocked and devastated. I remember having this girlfriend in college and we were going out for a year and then we were out to dinner one night, when she dumped me. You are still young and will eventually meet someone who cares for you, so don't let this one episode put you in a tailspin. 

[Lauren_Green20 0]

A little late to see your post but I hope things worked out for you. 🙂

[Doug97 19]

On 5/6/2021 at 7:04 PM, poulwalker said:

In the early years of my career as a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist I often struggled to find a way to help some of my clients cope with their thoughts and feelings of regret: “If only I had recognized my cheating boyfriend for what he really is,” or “I wish I’d been a better and more patient mother to my son,” and “If only I’d studied harder I would have done better in life.”

No way are you a clinical psychologist. You are a fantasist, a liar and a fraud.