I hear them. Where I go, no matter where I am. I hear the voices. Voices of people speaking about me, not in the best way possible. I hear mostly about the same things over and over again. I hear about them mocking me, ostracising me, patronizing me and putting me to shame. I am struggling with it for 1½ years now and I'm slowly losing myself in the process. I don't know what to do about it, or maybe I don't want to, I'm not quite sure. I have anxiety in public places and I have trouble keeping myself calm and having a good time with my family members. Sometimes it causes a misunderstanding between us when our insecurities blind our sight. I wanted to be free from what I thought the environment that was poisoning me. I was out from it but I guess it's all in my head. I've been thinking about s****de but I read somewhere that it only eliminates the possibility of getting better. I hear voices again. It feels like being haunted by a ghost. Even when I'm listening to music, I could hear it insulting me. All of my flaws, out of the box. Sometimes it plays the voices of people who had humiliated me over and over again. It's.like a recording tape. Automatically playing pause and play whenever it wanted. I had no control. Right now I'm unable to see the possibility of it getting better. I don't have the strength to move my feet and walk in these public places; it's like walking on thorns for a thousand miles, unable to find another way to go through it. I feel alienated, like I shouldn't be who I am, for the sake of society, for what people want me to be. I'm aware that I'm different, I mean, everyone is different. But somehow they managed to live with each other in peace and harmony. I seem to be unable to do that, because I can't bear to sacrifice myself to do such a thing. It pains me inside, the agony, frustration and confusion. I let people define me sometimes because I'm unable to see the worth of defending myself. A waste of time and a waste of breath. I'd rather get hurt. I mean all wounds heal right? Except for the annoying voices that I keep hearing inside my head, that's another story.
I hear things. I tried to ignore them, I tried. I wonder if there are people who's experiencing the same thing as I do. Let's support each other in any way we can?
