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About lost_kristen

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    I love spending time with my family and friends.

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  1. This is amazing! Loved reading it!
  2. Thanks everyone. Its just so hard bringing ourself up over and over again. I know you cant look at it like a battle but on the really low days/weeks it so feels like your facing and never ending battle with just little spurts of breaks in the middle. ANd y do we fear the thoughts we know will not occur. even on my worst days i cant be sure that not none of the will become reality but yet it still sends a overwhelming streak of fear through my body. My migrains have begun yet again i know its porolly just my mind being overwhelmed without a shut off switch. I just feel like im gonna bein a constant state of fears orwhat ifs for the rest of my life. i know another good day or week will come by ijust wish i can make it last longer. Thanls everyone for the kind words they really mean alot! sometimes i think i would be lost without this site. Thanks, Kristen
  3. Truly at a lost. Im so broken right now. Its like as soon as i feel i got a handle on this it knocks me down to the point i cant get up. Ifeel so alone. My thoughts are a million a minute. My reality is now starting to feel like im not in it. theres no words other than broken. i just wanna cry a constant cry and crawl into the ball. My family is trying to help but dont fully understand and believes there is like a way i can just shut it off. I can honestly say i have never felt this down andpushed into a lil corner since all of this started. I see no way out of this misery. Is my thoughts gonna scared me forever and sendme into a downward spiral. am i always gonna feel crazy like there has to be something severly messed up upstairs. i feel lost and so disconnected anymore. i just wanna beable to breath again. live again laugh again with atrue smile on my face. just wanna feel okay hell noteven great just wanna feel safe in side my self if that makes sence......
  4. Wow Jon, that was amazing! Totally understood!
  5. Days like those are the worse. Happy birthday fisrt off. I hope all is well and you made it through the day. A parent passing can add alot of emotions on top of anxiety it can trigger alot. just remind yourself its all anxiety doing this take deep breaths and dont react to how your feeling go on about your day . Yes alot easier said than done but if we react to what anxiety whispers in our head it just growws and over powers. I hope things work out for you Good luck!
  6. omg i fear myself to and my thoughts everything you explain about your thoughts sound just like me! my thought are not about cheating but of something else that i find horrifying. i got alot of real good advice here. Its alot easier said than done but try to just accept them. When your having these thoughts no matter what they are dont give them any attention and continue about what you were doing. As i said before aloteasier said than done. Or you can try self talk. You know deep inside you would not cheat right? just like i know deep inside i would not act upon my thoughts. so let them play out. they fear you becuz in this life anything is possible for anybody yea u can cheat yea i can act on my thoughts. BUTTTTT we are not those people. Its hard and on my bad days i am a complete mess and they bring my fear up to a level like i actually already acted upon a thought but i remind my self this is just anxiety thats all it is and go do something or just let the thoughts play out without reacting. You also may want to look up OCD its a symptom of anxiety. It has alot to do about certain thoughts that some people may have and it explains alot. the thing about ocd is the thoughts usually attack the ones we love and care for the most. Your gonna be okay and your not alone. ITs hard im still trying the acceptance and its working little by little.Deeep down you know who you are. People can have a million thoughts like say their gonna be rich and hit the lottery or loose 50lbs??? does that always happen???? NO! is it possible yes but its all up to the person. What im trying to say is sometimes random thoughts pop up sometimes we cannot control what we think but for the most part we control how we react to them. You will be fine!
  7. Thanks Gilly! I have looked into CBT. The feedback for it seems great. Its just the nerves and the fear of telling someone what goes on in my head and them thinking I'm crazy that stops me. I just have to get over the fear!
  8. Thanks your right. I need to stop letting it take me over and just get up and keep busy instead of waiting until it really gets to me and then its just to late. Thanks
  9. Thanks for the advice! I will look into it. And thanks for the kind words it feels good to have someone understand
  10. Thank you so much. I'm going to talk to my GP about certain option. I terribly afraid of drugs but I'm at the point where I need help I truly do. I feel like i have lost my self completely to the point where I can't even remember who I actually was other than not feeling the way I do now. I have never felt so alone in my life and so afraid. I'm ashamed of myself I have a son a family and I can't look past this for him Or them. My son alone in my mind should make me strong enough to get thru this. I feel like I'm letting him down and my loved ones. That all see a change in me and remind me daily I'm not the same person I use to be. My son is only 2 and they say to me he should be enuff for me to get over this funk. Now I'm left with guilt and so angry at myself. Like I'm just alone in it all
  11. OK I'll give it a try. I just want to feel calm even a little bit that's all I want!
  12. Thank tou so much. I knowi will make it through this i just have to find my strength again
  13. jon, i am not on medication i keep thinking about that my GP has offered some meds. Im scared of the meds becuz im scared they wont let me think stright and what if i loose control on them what if they bring the irrationale stuff out i dont know
  14. Thanks Jon! the hardest part of this whole thing is i was in the road to acceptance i wouldnt say i was 100% there yet but i was making it through. This time anxiety has knocked me down to a level i never been before. I will feel completly fine and still have the insomnia at night which leads to anxiety becuz i feel something is mentally wrong with me becuz i cant sleep. Than thoughts enter my head scary irrational thoughts like cuz my mind is trying to make me believe im insane becuz for some reason thats the only rationale thing it can come up with for me always feeling the way i do. Im so afraid that i am crazy like how can any normal person think and feel the way i do How can thoughts so horrifying enter a sanes persons head. I feel like i was half way up the mountain to being me again and got shoved all the way back to the beginning but only this time its worse no word can explain how bad it is i would even use the words crippling. Everything that I told my self about acceptance everything i worked on is gone.Now i feel like how can i accept this mess of a person i have became or these irrational thoughts how can i accept such things......Im trying to start over but i feel so far away