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Thanks for the responses! Since I have posted that, I've been feeling somewhat better, but there are days I just want to get under a rock, to. I'm so sick of my mental illnesses. I'm tired of dealing with it. Why can't I just be "Normal"? Ugh.

Btw, I'm trying to find counseling, as you guys know, it's expensive and I don't have a lot of money...so I've got too get on waiting lists to see one!

Thanks for taking the time to reply you guys. I have had depression for a long I can remember. For the past year or so, I've had bad anxiety. I just feel so helpless about this. I don't know why I just can't be satisfied with one man. I know that I do need a lot of attention for some reason. I do need counseling, for this as well as other things, for sure. I'm just so disappointed in myself. Just wish I could understand the why so I could fix it. Our at least try. Thanks for the kindness. I really appreciate your thoughts.

Not sure this is the right place tho post this but here goes...This is embarrassing enough and I sure don't want to get bashed on here. There is something wrong with me, I cannot stay faithful to a man. Idk why. I get bored, lonely. I really have no clue why I do this. I am extremely attracted to men and then I start thinking about what sex would be like. When I am in a relationship, its very hard for me to stay faithful. I'll get a desire for another man,only twice have I actually gone THERE, while being in a relationship, which is bad, very bad, I know. But I usually just break up with the guy,just so I can sleep with my current "Fantasy". What the Heck is wrong with me? It causes me a lot of anxiety. I have no clue what to do? Am I stupid? Has anyone ever heard of this? Like self esteem? Boredom? Both? Anyone have any thoughts? Please be nice, if you aren't,I guarantee you, I've heard it already from my past abusive relationships. What is wrong with me?

I have bad anxiety, too. I have just one really good friend, but most often he's busy. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy in my home, going crazy at work, going crazy in the car. I'm having a really tough time right now. But I always know I can come here and get some good advice about how to deal with this non stop, incessant crap that I go thru every day. I just put myself back on celexa. I hate taking psych drugs. Anyhow, good luck!

I'm having such a bad problem right now with negativity, great advice, Gilly, thank you.

So Adam was your lady hard to deal with?

For years and years I have suffered from depression and anxiety. Everyone says, oh, just think positive, stop Worrying. Do this, do that... what?? How in the hell do I do those things? People are full of advice, but they can never tell me how to b do . They say this like, well I just choose not to think that way, I choose to do this and that, but HOW? HOW? can u do it? It's so easy for them. But they do not know what it's like, so therefore they take on this better than thou attitude. It makes me sick. I don't even know where to begin to make myself think more positive. Do I do it? So I make myself stop having panic attacks? Smh

Yes yes . I always feel like I'm going to die. Sometimes, , I wish no I can't say that, but yes u feel like I'm going to die all the time.

Thanks Gilly now I've got to convince myself that I deserve him. :/

Hi Gilly thanks for answering. Those are all good questions. He is not controlling. No he does not lose his temper. He is giving. He says he's sorry, when he's wrong, as do I. I know it is, all me. I just don't know how to handle a good guy I guess... but I have to quit worrying so much and I don't know how. That's so sad and stupid. But thanks for giving me the v right thing to think about, because I didn't.

Hey there guys. As some of you know, I suffer from anxiety and ptsd brought on by abusive relationships. I have a normal, I think?, good, loving relationship now. The trouble is, I am constantly thinking about hidden motives, mistrust and just general feelings of being lied to FOR NO GOOD REASON. I think because of my past crappy relationships, that I don't even know what a real, loving, good relationship is! I don't know how to act with this guy. I am used to being used. I am used to be lied to, hit, and all the other things that go with abuse. I don't know what to do. I seriously, honestly do not know how to have a normal relationship. How do I know if this is real? For some reason, I don't really believe he loves me. I just think guys just say that to keep me at bay, I guess. For lack of a better word. Ugh. This causes me constant anxiety and I really like this guy but I believe I'm going to push him away. At the same time, I don't see how he could really love me in the first place, but I don't even know how to behave in a normal relationship. I don't know if this makes sense. I hope it does, because I'm not sure what to do. Does anybody know? Ugh. It runs thru my brain most the day. It drives me crazy Linda

Yes we do eventually come back, somehow. I sometimes wonder are the s****de victims the ones who don't/can't/unable to come back? Sad.

Actually, i meant WE HAVE BEEN TO HELL AND BACK SEVERAL TIMES!!

Gilly. That is the way I feel, half of me is scared and anxious and the othere half is confident and can do anything. We are both survivors, you know. We've not been to hell and back. We did make it and/our making it. love you guys!