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Emilycharity

Fear of death when young stuck.

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For a while I've noticed a lot of young people dying and it's really scared me. I feel as though I can imagine it happening to me as I can imagine myself dying before my grandparents do. I literally can't plan anything for the future as I feel as though I will die soon. 

It's worse at night and I'm scared to sleep. I read yesterday that someone actually said they were going to die young, and they did. I'm terrified now as this could be me. 

Every pain( which I get a lot of) means I am dying. What are the chances of a 19 year old dying? My life is being ruined by this 

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I think you definitely should not waste your time worrying about this. The odds don't matter because it can and does happen people of all ages, of all backgrounds, of all circumstances. Life is too short to waste it worrying about the inevitable. Thoughts of death are normal, in that everyone thinks about it at some point, but it's not normal to put your life on hold because of it.

So what if you, or any of us, die young? We should enjoy our time here while we have it.

On the other side of things, what if you live another 75 years and you spend most of that time not living your life? Chances are you'll be 90 years old regretting not living your life because of fear of the inevitable.

I know exactly how it feels. I feared it for a few years. It was so bad that I would be up late at night, unable to sleep, because I was obsessed with the idea that I may die young. No more, however. Sh*t happens. And while I don't want it to happen, I want to be happy in the off chance that it does.

By the way, I just turned 30 this year.

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I'm even worse tonight as I've just broke down, terrified and begging to speak to somebody about this. I've sat down and made a list of when all of this started which was 2014, and wrote all the illnesses I was positive I had and the outcome. 

My boyfriend says it's all in my head but for some reason I just can't believe him because of my symptoms

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@Emilycharity Your boyfriend is correct to a point, yes, it's in your head but it's also physical, the symptoms are not just figments of your imagination, they exist just like any other symptom, it's just the case of the symptom is different.  Anxiety can easily create every and any symptom you have felt so far in your journey through anxiety.  All it takes is your fearful thoughts and analysis and anxiety will fill in the blanks and provide you with the sensations you fear.  Never underestimate the power of your mind, like i've said before, it interprets the very reality you experience.  Now thats a lot of power right?

It's clear that your underlying fear is death and i would say the most anxiety sufferers have the core fear as death.  It's the most certain yet most unknown natural phenomenon and the fear comes from the not knowing, the unknown.  I was in the same fear set as you for many many years, i would make plans in my mind as to what would need sorting for my family after my death, i would sit up and think of all the missed opportunities and how my life could have been so much better should i have not been so close to death.  It's all the fear of the unknown and it manifests this way because we react to fear, it's the reaction.

When i was in counsellings last year, one of the sessions came along and my therapist said.. "i see that you try to avoid a certain topic a lot" i replied with. "i know exactly what you're going to say" It was death, even then it petrified me and i struggled to even want to think about it, i was trying so hard to suppress it for all these years so my therapist needed me to discuss it and i did. Here's what she said to me.

Therapist: "what do you think happens when you die"

Me: "I've never thought about it, i've never wanted to".. "i suppose it goes with what you believe"

Therapist: "and what do you believe?"

Me: " I don't know, i want to think that you go one and that everything's fine"

Therapist: "and if there isn't an afterlife, what then?"

Me: "then i won't know that i've gone"

Therapist smiles

Therapist: "and what if there is an afterlife?"

Me: "Then i will see my loved ones and be relieved"

Therapist: *holding out her hands* "So in one hand you have, you won't know and in the other hand you have you will be with your loved ones right?"

Me: "Right"

Therapist: "So where does fear lie in this? You either wont know or you will be with your loved ones"

When future questions arose about death and i ask fearful questions, my therapist would just hold her hands out to me and smile, thats all that was needed, it all clicked.  Life really is too short to future think about possibilities that may or may not arise in the future. NOW is where you have the control, the future is not set, it is what it is and there is no amount of fear or anxiety that will make the slightest bit of difference, so you accept uncertainty gracefully, life is uncertain, there is no set plan and we do the best we can do in the here and now.  Fear is corrosive but the only thing it can do is manipulate your thinking PROVIDING that you allow it, you are in the drivers seat at all times, anxiety can only exist if you allow it to through fear.  Death is not something that needs to be feared, it needs to be accepted as the only certainty in life, well, the only other certainty is taxes right? 

 

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Those intrusive thoughts were always much more frequent for me at night. I understand. I'm more than willing to chat more about my experiences here, or in PM. Whichever you prefer.

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I have the same fear. I can't even think about being away from my loved ones. 

I recently had a trigger and have been in a state of panic since. Im slowly learning how to focus on today and not to react to my thoughts/fears. It's a lot of work but I can't keep going in circles . it's truly exhausting.  I want to be able to live in the moment again and enjoy everything around me. 

Don't be afraid to plan things for the future.. maybe planning things will distract your mind a little. Distraction usually works well for me. 

hang in there and know you are not alone. 

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thankyou everyone for your replies. I had a therapist ring me for a self assessment who said i definitely suffer with severe health anxiety which i am starting counselling for for the second time. (first time worked for a while). 

there is a new symptom that is concerning me which is burning and tingling in my face, particularly my lips. ive noticed it on my eyebrow, cheeks and on my head too but all at seperate places which comes and goes. even at work it does it. With my constant left leg pain which i believed was sciatica (it apparently isnt) i cant help but to think that these twitches and burning feelings are related to a neurological condition or to hypoparathyroidism or a calcium problem as i already have a autoimmune disease. 

im really struggling  to accept that this is just anxiety as there are so many real symptoms, one which ive had for nearly 3 years. 

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@Emilycharity I used to get focused on symptoms and think the worst. Try to remember that not every ache or pain means something terrible. ( saying this to myself really helped) . It is normal for us to have different feelings and sensations now and then.  Sometimes muscles ache or we get itchy an so on. 

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I am the same. 

I envy people who are 70+, I want to live long. It's ridiculous, I know. I've spoken to my therapist about that. 

And I fear every odd sensation I have. It doesn't have to be pain, if I feel post nasal drip - it equals my lungs feeling up with blood or something as illogical. 

I still have moments where my thoughts are "I am going to die young" with such conviction it's scary. That it makes me think I shouldn't think like that and I go days where if it's not important, like an assignment due on a specific day, I just take my days and I live it minute by minute. Day by day. Don't think about the future, "what's going to happen in a year?" Nope!!! Don't think that. FOCUS on the NOW. That's what makes me break the endless thoughts. And getting something that grabs your full attention, I personally got into crafts that ask for impeccable detail, where you would engage your full attention (adult coloring pages are great, it helps in focusing on what colors you would be using, paint by number is another good one).

 You then see that you start applying this to other parts in your day. And you slowly ease those thoughts and right now I have my moments where I get those "i am dying" or I am going to die soon. Your brain will retrain itself to nip those thoughts in their spot. 

 

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My face tingling isn't as bad these past few days. But I've got twitching in the other side of my face now and I feel sick. (On my period though, first one in months)

Does anyone ever get like a breath taking feeling like you've stopped breathing and the air has been taken and then you panic. I got this yesterday and I've been getting chest pain recently.

My anxiety is always way worse at night or at uni and I'm not sure why. 

 

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On 10/9/2017 at 5:11 AM, Emilycharity said:

My face tingling isn't as bad these past few days. But I've got twitching in the other side of my face now and I feel sick. (On my period though, first one in months)

Does anyone ever get like a breath taking feeling like you've stopped breathing and the air has been taken and then you panic. I got this yesterday and I've been getting chest pain recently.

My anxiety is always way worse at night or at uni and I'm not sure why. 

 

I've actually been getting this a bit lately. Feeling that chest tightness and difficulty getting a breath. Even went to the ER the other night and everything checked out normal. It's interesting, once I take deep breaths, use my meditation app and just try to not focus on it usually feels better. Breathing is one of those things that can feel unnatural as soon as you focus. 

 

And I have had that feeling lately like I'm going to die young too. I just had a baby 4 months ago and I think it just stems from terrible fear of leaving her combined with the stress that parenting is a 24/7 job for the next 18 years. It's scary! I've had some weird symptoms postpartum and saw a neurologist yesterday and will see a cardiologist on Friday. I've had some health anxiety in the past but often felt the symptoms were too vague or not severe enough to get them checked out. And usually they pass. But I think with all the recent stress my symptoms have felt a lot more intense and with having a little one I really want to get things checked out. It's weird, I'm not sure if I actually believe I'm going to die soon, but I just get this bad feeling like something bad is going to happen and my days are numbered. It sucks the joy right out of life! I was actually feeling really happy the past couple weeks after starting therapy and then this week health anxiety reared its ugly head and all these fears came flooding back. I'm hoping that the results of some of my tests help give me some comfort. We'll get through this :)

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