Having a really bad day today guys... someone talk to me

[BrokenArrow 52]

Well I woke up basically freaking out. I knew I had to bring my wife to an appointment which was like an hour away. That got me going right off the bat. I hate being away from home. Well to make a long story short I took her but the whole way there I was freaking out about my stomach. I thought for sure I was going to throw up or whatever. I get pains in the right side of my stomach all the time and then I freak out because that's were all the organs are. Liver, gallbladder, appendix. I always freak out that I have a bad appendix. I don't know what I pick that one but that is the one I always pick. I freak out that I'm going to have to get rushed in for surgery. It all spirals. I usually start off with gas and then it just all goes to hell. I freak out. I get sharp pains. I get very sick feelings. Sometimes I have to run to the bathroom and have a very watery bowl movement. I can feel the gas moving around in my stomach and I try to tell myself that organs don't move and that if it was something specific the pain would stay in the same spot. 

When I got home from the appointment she had I started to feel better. I started just going about my day. All of a sudden out of no where my stomach got really tight on the right side again. So I started freaking out. My lower back hurts on my right side. I constantly clench up my right... butt cheek for lack of a better word. The whole right side of my body is tense. My right side hurts like hell. Basically every time I move I feel like I am pulling a muscle on my right side. 

I know it is f'ing panic. I know I don't have anything wrong. I have been to two urgent care doctors and both told me I have nothing physically wrong with me other then slightly high blood pressure but they said that was most likely due to panic and being at the doctor and said it wasn't anything to worry about. However, I still can't make it go away. I have tried just ignoring it but I can never ignore it long enough to make it fully go away. I have tried reasoning with myself and telling myself it is just panic but that doesn't really work either.

I haven't had bathroom issues in about a week now but I just had them again today. Really loose watery bowl movement. I mean obviously it is because I spent all day freaking out and I haven't really done that in a while either. Today has just been hard though. Almost everything that sets me off all happened at once. My mom has a stomach bug which is a major set off. I got woken up early which for some reason sets me off and I had to go to a very busy town with a ton of people around which sets me off. Not to mention the only thing I put in my body today is two cups of strong coffee.

I know logically that nothing is wrong. I f'ing know it. I just can't ever fully get past the "what if" ugh

[KathyC 88]

Hi BrokenArrow,

Sorry to hear how your feeling and having a bad day. But I understand and can relate to your problem. I am also one who can't leave my home and when I do I picture the worse and I worry how I will feel out of my home. When I have to go somewhere it's horrible but when I am on my way home I start to feel better.

As for the bathroom issue when I get that way I have horrible stomach pains and have to go to the bathroom. Diahrehea starts really bad and cramping. It always happens when I am stressed.

I also know when I am feeling uneasy it's my anxiety panic attacks. The symptoms I get is caused by my anxiety and worrying. But does that make it go away? No. I am trying to accept it and let it ride because when i fight it I male or worse. My problem is i try to find an excuse for what I am feeling. Like now I am having small sharp pain in my left side of my back and o am trying to figure out what caused it. Was it me cleaning, was it me picking up something? But deep down I know it's from my stress and my body is still feeling the stress even if I don't feel stressed. 

But I hope you will feel better. Maybe write down how your feeling so when you feel this way again you can compare your symptoms and thoughts with your last attack because that has helped me some.

Kathy

[Missy2626 251]

Hi BrokenArrow...I was thinking about you today and was hoping that you were feeling better and having a more peaceful day.  I'm so sorry to hear that was not the case.  I still believe that you are emotionally reeling from the loss of your beloved dad -- that horrific grief will send you into a tailspin.  And to add to that, you've had another, albeit wonderful, huge change in your life by having another baby.  Those sleepless nights with a baby and constant care will take a toll on anyone, so can you imagine what it does to those of us with anxiety issues??  

Today you had a busy day, having to take your wife to a medical appointment, and perhaps because it was medical-related, that caused you additional stress.  Today, I could barely make it out of bed, horrific anxiety as soon as i woke up, had to call work and tell them I wouldn't be in again today.  I had to take my 14 year old son to the pediatrician in the afternoon about those bumps I told you I had seen in his neck, and I know I was stressed about that.  I was able to take a shower (hadn't done so in two days - yuck- that is not me!), get dressed and make it to the appointment.  Luckily, the doctor confirmed that they are just benign and normal enlargement of the lymph glands in his neck, perhaps due to his acne, nothing to worry about.  What a freaking relief!  I had done myself a favor and did NOT google lymph node stuff beforehand, I'm taking the doctor's word, and that's that.  While at the pediatrician, I mustered up the nerve and asked him about my concern you're aware of about how I removed a mole fifteen months ago with apple cider vinegar -- he must have thought I was nuts, but I did it anyways.  He said the scar looks like it's healing perfectly, and no, I could not have initiated any c****rous changes into the cells or bloodstream by doing that.  I guess we health anxiety sufferers have to be assertive and ask for professional advice wherever we can get it (from doctors of course, not google). I'm now at work after hours with no one here to bother me, trying to clean up my desk a bit.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry you're having a bad day, and I'm praying for you, myself, and all the others here that we can find some peace.  this is a dreadful thing to go through, but we can all be here for one another.  Take some deep breaths, maybe take the baby for a walk outside in the fresh air, maybe watch a hockey game tonight??

You're in my thoughts....

 

p.s. I was basically freaking out this morning as soon as I woke up as well

[BrokenArrow 52]

Well my mom came over and I had a little fire in my backyard and we sat around and talked. Her husband came too so we couldn't really talk-talk but at least it was something. The funny thing is the whole time that they were over I basically felt fine. A little gassy but nothing like I normally am. Well now they are gone and I'm starting to be a little panic-y again. It is something totally unrelated though. My right eye has been bloodshot and itchy for about 2 weeks straight now. I have blurry vision in it and it seems like I'm always having issues with it. I've always had a bad right eye. It shouldn't even really be an issue because I have had poor vision in my right eye for as long as I could remember. With these health anxiety flare ups it is just something else to worry about though. Also it was never red and itchy like this before, just blurry. I think it might have something to do with how much time I spend staring at the computer. For the past month since my attacks have really taken over it seems like that is all I do is just stare at the computer screen or the iPad screen. The weird this is my left eye doesn't seem bothered at all, just the right eye. I don't know. I am just having a bad day where everything seems to worry me.

[walkingwithGod 169]

I can relate, i was fine yesterday and felt good today til about 5pm and then i got a pain in my chest..and my mind went wandering and then its been off and on panic since. I will feel ok and then I feel panicky again..worrying about if its ny heart and am i going to die. Sorry to hesr your day was bad...we all know its the anxiety and the physical manifestations it produces but when we are in that state of mind, sometimes logic reasoning is out the window. 

[Missy2626 251]

I shared on somebody else's post that I've been having those crazy eye migraines in my right eye just about every day for a week now....not sure if you've ever had one but it's like a crazy bright zig zag line in your vision that slowly crosses from one side to the other...they last about fifteen minutes.  I'm not sure if it's the new meds I'm on or I'm thinking its from staring at my iPad, just like you!   They only happen at night when I'm on my iPad.

I'd venture to guess yours is just eye strain and maybe it tends to happen in the more dominant eye (if that's such a thing).  It's also fall allergy season so that could be a factor.

im glad you had at least a bit of time to relax with your family and feel well for awhile.  Half of our battle is that we are too engrossed in our unrelenting thoughts.  I noticed that after my husband and kids leave for work and school in the morning I start with the shakes and anxiety.  I felt better when I forced myself to get out today to my sons doctor appointment and work for awhile.  It's hard to take that step to go out , socialize, and be around others at these times of high anxiety, but I think maybe it can be therapeutic.