I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I move on from my coworker? PLEASE HELP!!!

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Last year my male co worker started showing interest in me. I didn't have any feelings for him at this point (and had never had feelings for a guy at all in my 27yrs of living.)

But after a while of him texting me and showing me attention at work, I had a dream about him. It was nothing weird, he simply lived next door to my mum (in the dream) and that was it. But for some strange reason that changed everything for me and my feelings for him became extremely overwhelming and unlike nothing I had ever experienced before.

He continued to text and call me, despite me never making the effort to reach out to him first.

I also would often ignore his calls on purpose and then txt him later to apologise for missing his calls. I also cancelled plans with him a few times.

Anyway because of the covid lockdown we couldnt really go anywhere, so our first two meetups were at his house.

The 2nd meet up we slept together, and it was after that, that things changed between us.

He called me once after we slept together and that was it. He was never the 1st one to reach out again after that.

Funny enough I accidentely called him twice while scrolling through old messages and he tried calling back both times.

I also messaged him asking him for an explanation, and he said he was sorry that i felt that he took advantage of me and it was too serious of a conversation to have over text and he wanted to meet in person to talk about it.

Anyway the day of the meet up came and he text me to say he slept in and that he would call me after I finished work.

He never called.

When i see him at work he always tries to make conversation with me, and tries to be kind to me. He even asked me if I was angry with him, which seemed like a stupidly obvious answer.


When he tries to talk to me at work I act so dead and cold towards him, even though my heart is absolutely shattering inside my chest.

I have tried moving on, I keep busy by going on trips, going to the gym, working etc I've even started online dating, but keep finding myself meeting up with guys that look like him. 


I truly feel like I love him with my whole heart and soul. I regret not putting in as much effort as he did. I regret ignoring his calls and cancelling plans. I regret never messaging or calling first. But I also regret ever falling for him in the first place because he has caused me the most unbearable pain and I honestly dont know if I will ever recover.

Funny thing is he has no idea I feel this way about him. Even though we had a "relationship" i never told him I liked him, and never expressed my true feelings to him, and at work I act so cold and disinterested that he probably think I hate him.


When im on dates with other guys, all I think about is him, when im at work all I think about is him, hes the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about as I fall asleep at night.

I have tried everything in my power to get over him.  What am I meant to do? I am so depressed. How do you learn to unlove someone? Especially when you have to see them every week at work.


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Hi. cutecat.  What so many women fail to recognise is that sex for a woman is an emotional experience. For a man not so.  In the atmosphere of a loving relationship both partners will experience it in different ways. The guy got what he wanted and has left you emotionally drained. Sorry to be so blunt, but that is the truth of it. I think you fell in love with him, but not him with you. Now it is embarrassing for both of you at work. You can't 'unlove' someone, but you can give it time to fade. The dream triggered an unconscious desire that had been there all the time, but the dream caused it to emerge.  You sound a very sensitive person, and this can be a hard world for sensitive people. If I may say so it does seem as if he is trying to make amends, but your rejection of him will make him give up. Can you not bring yourself to have a serious conversation with him?  Your rejection of him is causing a breakdown of communication. We can never know what is in another's mind, and it's so easy to jump to conclusions. Rejection, or the feeling of, can make us angry. We tend to try and hurt the other person, which is counter productive because we end up hurting ourselves. Do try and talk to him, it's the only way to resolve the situation. You need to know how he feels about you and what has happened. 

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