So tired of fear and trepidation being right behind my conscious mind.

[sTeaLth 238]

I don't struggle with absolute dread the way I did a year ago.  Yet, there is an underlying fear that sits behind my thoughts and waits for something to happen.  Either a bad cold, a cough that won't go away, a pain somewhere, an odd sensation, a stressful moment, etc.  Then it tries to take hold not through spiraling in fear or dread... but through possessing most of my thoughts through the day.  I'm so tired of living this way.  In the last year, I have had every major illness there is.  Or at least I have thought I did.  Currently, I'm having throat sensations that don't want to seem to go away completely and back pain that seems related somehow... it once again tries to make fear the worst, catastrophizing about the "what if".  In reality this makes no sense at all.  I don't fear mass shootings when I go into public places.  I don't fear car accidents when driving.  Why do I fear illnesses?  I'm tired of waking up nervous to go through another day with that fear hanging on to my every thought.  Shivering, not from cold, but from the fear that so often greets me in the morning. 😟 I'm tired of wondering if it will ever end.  I'm tired of not enjoying every day life because of the looming nothing that is always there. 😕

This is my thoughts this morning, I wanted to share them with you all because I know you will understand.  I am going to a chiropractor tomorrow in hopes that my back pain will relieve and these symptoms will again vanish... only to wait until the next thing comes along.  I just want to fear normal things like everyone else.  Thanks for listening.  😞

[BeautifulDisaster 68]

I find that fear like that is a distraction from some thing or emotion you don't really want to face so then the physical symptoms become an easy distraction.   It doesn't matter if it's something you want or not - it takes your mind off of things.  And it becomes first one thing, then another and it becomes hard to distinguish what the root cause is. You don't fear the mass shootings or the car accidents because your mind truly believes that these things are rare and very unlikely to happen, but your mind is not convinced of this in terms of illnesses, and that's why illnesses are your focus.  Recognizing that the body always makes "noise" in terms of physical pain or sensations will help you slow down the fear (as might seeing the chiropractor who can help with that), and only once the fear is slowed down enough, you can begin to consider what you may be subconsciously distracting yourself from.  I have found that so much of my anxiety comes down to distraction from some thing or emotion in my life.  Hope this helps.

[Jay.E 39]

I can definitely relate to this. This tendency to go for the most catastrophic scenario with every little symptom or sensation. It is tiring and takes a toll on one's ability to enjoy life. I agree wholeheartedly with BeautifulDisaster about HA often being rooted in other trepidations we harbour in our lives, but not willing to address. When this whole thing started for me in late 2017, I went for therapy. I was surprised to realize that a lot of my fears ,although often manifesting themselves as fears about illness, were in fact rooted in my trepidations about the state of my life in general. I realized that my worries about not being married yet, not having kids, still toiling in Academia to achieve my desired career, worrying about my elderly mother and what would happen to her if I ever get sick....all of those things made me extremely hyperaware of my health. I'm a control freak, so feeling that I have very little control over these aspects of my life is essentially like adding fuel to the fire.   

[MARC 431]

My GI physician told me that many of his patients come to his office thinking they have a big tumor growing inside of them when it is really nothing serious. 

[Jay.E 39]

On 12/24/2019 at 10:21 PM, MARC said:

My GI physician told me that many of his patients come to his office thinking they have a big tumor growing inside of them when it is really nothing serious. 

Yep, I know that feeling all too well. The fear that something might be wrong with you becomes overwhelming and you end up believing it. Even when you try to reason with yourself there is always that little voice in the back of your mind that says: "what if it is real this time?" 

[sTeaLth 238]

On 12/29/2019 at 1:02 AM, Jay.E said:

Yep, I know that feeling all too well. The fear that something might be wrong with you becomes overwhelming and you end up believing it. Even when you try to reason with yourself there is always that little voice in the back of your mind that says: "what if it is real this time?" 

This exactly.  I can look back to my twitch fears from a year ago and see how silly it is.  Yet, this time I have this feeling of something in my lower esophagus, acid reflux at times, can't burp, and my throat croaks when I swallow saliva... so I am convinced this time that there is a serious issue down there.  Something looming and deadly.  This time... it's real.  I wish I could go forward and look back at my current.  😞

[Ashleyspicer84 84]

My anxiety is the same way now. I’ll go weeks without one single worry and then I’ll get a sharp pain somewhere or a little blip in my vision and bam, that’s it I start to obsess. I wish I could just get over it too. I guess I’ll always be this way. Overly sensitive to ordinary bodily sensations.