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AlexN7

Hey everyone! Super noob here for insight

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Hello everyone, so I decided to join to try and get information and chat with others about my anxiety/panic issues. I'll start with a little about me, I'm a 23 year old male, recently unemployed although I am going for a drug test and already have a new job lined up in retail (very nervous about it). I get a lot of exercise, very fit and healthy yet I still recently had these anxiety problems and panic attacks surface. The weird thing is I can trace the symptoms all the way to elementary I used to cry for no apparent reason in class and would constantly have to run to the restroom to get away from the situation. Throughout middle school and highschool I used marijuana to help me get through but I remember having social anxiety and was always battling through each hour in class which also messed with my focus because I couldn't actually sit and do my work. I would be scared of the seemingly silliest things, my bowels would become really noisy and I'd be uncomfortable in enclosed spaces with so many students. I never wanted to let anyone know, my parents and friends never knew anything but I was always secretly battling it. So after a while I couldn't handle it and other circumstances in my life (family moving) led me to drop out of highschool and just work at home with an uncle. Years went by and everything seemed great! I partied, drinking and using pills and the thought that I wasn't stuck with school or HAVING to be anywhere freed me. So fast forward to recently many things changed but I didn't worry about the anxiety and it was minimal/dismissed as normal worries.

 

So I was working with family at a legal office and times got tough to the point where they couldn't pay me. No big deal I'll just look for another job. Since I never graduated no one would hire me, and I've been unemployed for about a year now. I stayed busy working out and doing other stuff but I became very home stuck and one night for no apparent reason I had a bad panic attack. I remember playing online with a friend and feeling chest pressure/discomfort but I thought it was soreness from working out. Brushed it off and went to bed. Then at about midnight I got woken up by this horrible panic attack. I felt impending doom first, the chest pressure and I immediately thought "heart attack" and like 100 other thoughts. I scrambled to get up and almost blacked out crawling down the hallway to get the phone. I called 911 and they were sending someone over until I kinda gathered myself and told them I was fine. I thought something serious was up but didn't want a huge emergency bill and a big scare for my family so I decided I'd go to a clinic the day after. Went to the clinic, did an ekg and x ray and everything came back normal. After that things went so-so as I knew nothing was wrong with my physical health and I wasn't injured from lifting. Then the panic attacks started coming at random times. In target just looking through isles, after a workout at the gym, driving my dad to his p.o. box even having dinner with my mom at a sushi bar I'd always went to. The panic attacks are pretty bad but somehow and I have no clue how, I manage.

 

That's basically where I'm at now, I have not seen a psych for it, nor does my doctor know. My family doesn't know and I don't want them to either. I'm kinda stuck and feel a bit helpless which is why I'm here. I'm currently trying to find a natural way to deal with it, I have a very helpful friend that is making me herbs and extracts to see if they help, I've tried the valerian root extract and it did have a calming effect but I havn't tried it during a high anxiety/panic time. I also have this job fast approaching and I'm getting really anxious that if I don't find something that works quick I'll lost the opportunity. I'm sure I left out a lot of things and sorry for such a long post =P but any info or tips would really help!

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Hey Alex, welcome to AC. I am just about to get offline for the night but I just wanted to say hi, I'm glad you found us and hope we can help. I will reply to your post more thoroughly in the morning. :)

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Hi Alex, welcome to Anxiety central :) Have you seen a psychologist about your panic and anxiety issues?

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Hi Alex.Welcome. I am sure admin will be speaking to you shortly but may I say that your post is really typical of the old fashioned anxiety state so you are far from alone. There are one or two points I would make that may help. First of all there is no 'quick fix' in anxiety. Some recover quicker than others but it does depend on your attitude to your problem This is not to say that you can't make a good recovery. Of course you can and at your age it is inevitable but you have to take it easy. On day at a time. By what I read you seem to be a sensitive person and that makes you more vulnerable to outside events. You really should confide in someone be it a counsellor, your parents or friends. But only to someone who understands. Keeping your feelings bottled up is not good. THERE IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF! All of us on this site have been where you are now and a nicer bunch you will find it difficult to meet. Now some key words come up in your post. BATTLING is one. You mention this twice and it is the natural thing to do; to want to fight "IT" to do BATTLE with "IT" and so get rid of "IT". Believe me you won't succeed that way. Fighting creates more anxiety and more tension. I am going to suggest just the opposite. ACCEPT how you feel for the moment. Go with it. If you had the Flu you would accept the symptoms wouldn't you?, and anxiety is just another illness like any other. The way you feel is normal in the circumstances you are creating for yourself. Try, as soon as possible to see your GP or someone who can help. Taking medication to get you over this particular spell is not going to harm you in the short term and it seems to me you need help. But only medication prescribed by your doctor. Non prescribed drugs will make you feel better short term but are a disaster if taken for any length of time and, in my view, are best left alone. They DO NOT help  you move toward a permanent recovery. I do feel that there is a sense of shame in your post. WHY? As I said before many of us have been where you are and now and when  we let the world know we feel better for it. I know I do!! Us blokes do tend to feel that we should not be like this and that is the cause of so much unnecessary suffering. So stop thrashing yourself, Alex. ALL, yes ALL the symptoms you describe can be attributed to anxiety including the awful panic attacks. Believe me.   Kind regards.    J.

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I 2nd what J said^^ Acceptance is key, all negative emotions make us feel worse, and yeah of course it is really hard not to feel angry, pity, shame etc but becoming at peace with your disorder can be quite liberating. It can be really hard to accept this as an illness, like diabetes, asthma and other chronic illnesses but it is, it may not be the same, in reality, it cannot harm us, and we can change it, but it feels like it so why not treat it as such?

 

You should see a doctor, it has been going on too long, you can see one in confidence and maybe a therapist, someone who will help but also help you to open up to family, it really is nothing to be ashamed of, I do understand your reluctance to tell them though. I can relate to your situation and your past. I am similar to you, from childhood, nervous kid and it would flare up then go away, flare up then go away, when things got too much it flared up. I smoked weed for a long time and yes, it helped me a lot. But when I quit the next time my anxiety was triggered I thought that was it. Constant panic, weeks of it. Didn't think I would come out of it alive, and THAT is what prompted me to go see my doctor. After years of trying to push it away. Don't let it do that to you, see someone and get some help. Meds might work wonders for you, but you don't have to go that route. The natural way doesn't work unless you accept the anxiety, face your fears and challenge them/deal with root causes, which could mean huge lifestyle changes. This is where a therapist helps. With your long history you should consider CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) I am currently doing it and having some success already.

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Thanks for the welcome guys! I havn't seen a doctor for it mostly because I don't know who to go to and what the cost is going to be. There is a few obstacles, I don't want my parents finding out and I'm not sure if my insurance will cover it. So I guess I have some homework to do. Another thing is this job fast approaching and I'm thinking I won't accept it, not just because I want to work on myself a little more but also because the position is not paying enough and the schedule isn't fixed. I'm actually an incredibly ambitious person but when the anxiety kicks in that quickly changes. It seems to come on for no reason, like it's subconscious and I have no control after that I'm just kinda "managing it". I want to finish school and study fields like real estate and nutrition but I can't even stomach the thought of being in a classroom for more than an hour.

 

Last night I exercised in my garage and thought about one of my best times. about 2 years ago I was training at a martial arts gym and didn't even bother to think about anxiety, it's almost as if now I've become "self aware" if that makes sense. After I finished my exercise I went in the house and sat down to talk with one of our family friends that was over. Everything was going great then about an hour later I get the familiar symptoms. Shortness of breath, chest tension and I literally had to get up and go to my room to breath DEEP breaths until it subsided. I just can't imagine being in a job setting, in retail, where I have to be with customers and doing something every minute I'm there. I'm thinking my anxiety has a lot to do with social situations also I feel I definitely have agoraphobia. What kills me about this is that I used to be so outgoing and fun and I don't want to just shut myself in. I have days where I am fine all day sometimes even good weeks but as soon as it hits I just get so discouraged. It's so confusing, I can take long rides on my motorcycle, drove 6000ft up to a national park, I can go to the gym with tons of people in it and not care but simple things like sitting in a waiting room or even eating at a table with co workers will give me anxiety.

 

So I'm thinking I should do some research for psych's in my area and see if I can maybe figure out if my insurance will cover? Another thing is, I'm on the same insurance as my parents so I'm kinda worried they will see activity or get the bill since my dad is the primary. If it's not too expensive I may pay out of pocket. I definitely want to try natural tho, I don't want to rely on medication but if it comes to that I'm willing to try anything to be normal again. Thank you guys so much for the input.

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So many of us could have written what you wrote Alex, truly we are all mostly the same. Sensitized to anything and everything, like a different person, I hear ya. We aren't though, we are still in there somewhere, just lost and trapped in damaging thought patterns. I have agoraphobia too, I'm not taking meds what I am doing is taking it one step at a time, taking on one small task to begin with that right now scares the crap out of me still, and causes the symptoms, repeating it over and over until the subconcious, because yes you are right, that is a big part of where it comes from, so that eventually it will get that the task isn't something to be anxious about. It's hard, I am doing it with a therapist, you can do it alone through books but it would take a lot of discipline, I like the sense of structure the therapist gives me, and I actually am thriving on being challenged by someone else. It is good to hear another persons perspective on why you might feel like this, and how you progress.

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Alex. A little gem embedded in your last post that you may have just passed over after having written it. "Its almost as if I have become self aware, if that makes sense". Yes it does to me. Self awareness is the realisation that there is another me that rises above all the feelings and suffering. It is as if there are two of you. One suffering and the other looking on wondering what the heck it is all about. You have to encourage the 'looker on'. It is the real you. Gilly says "Trapped in damaging thought patterns" That's exactly what I am saying. The real you is trapped. Our minds, in an anxiety state, go looking for problems. They do you know. We have difficulty accepting that there are any positive aspects to our situation. But there are if we really look for them. You talk about 'managing' your condition. Yes, I agree with that because good management can lessen the burden a lot but ultimate aim should be to move toward recovery by ACCEPTANCE of the symptoms. Not fighting and struggling. I know I said this before but it cannot be emphasised enough. One thing you have discovered and that is deep breaths when you feel panicky.That's good. Looking for reasons rarely helps. It could be anything. A blast of cold air. A sound. Someone shouting. Anything. There does not appear to be any logic in this complaint and that is what makes it so frustrating. Keep at it and try and remember. ACCEPTANCE. You will win.   Best wishes.    J.

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Wow, thanks Gilly and jonathan! Great help! So I had something come up and I had to turn down the job I was offered. I'd say 40% was due to the anxiety and panic I was getting from thinking about a brand new field and having to deal with all the people. The other 60% of the reason was the hours and pay, it just wasn't enough and I'd be making more in my usual field. The new opportunity I have requires me to go to a school for 4 sessions of 5 hours each, I'm really anxious about it but I'm also very motivated to tackle it. I went to get information on it today and actually felt the panic attack building up while I was talking to the teacher. The usual, chest tightening, shortness of breath and doomy feeling/thoughts. It isn't really having the thoughts it's more of a feeling like my mind is scrambling and fuzzy. I just thought to myself "Great my anxiety is flaring up, better remember to breath and reassure myself it's ok, if I feel I can't handle it just ask where the bathroom is and gather myself there" Is this thought process ok? My situation seems so unique. I can ride my motorcycle and be stuck in traffic, wearing all kinds of protective gear that's snug and not feel restricted but the minute I have a seat and talk to someone the gear becomes unbearable. I used to be able to sit for hours on end getting a tattoo and this never came up. I'm beginning to understand that no matter how much I think about it or try to understand it there is simply no logic, I'd be going down a rabbit hole it seems. I've accepted it, it's not my fault and I'll continue to overcome the attacks as they come. I'm in good spirits and thought I may get discouraged at times, I don't like dwelling in those times and know how to bounce myself back, so it's time to start thinking positive!

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Alex. By the sound of it you are halfway home! Your thoughts during the panic attack were the right ones. Talking to yourself and giving yourself reassurance and the right message can work wonders. This 'fuzzy' feeling in anxiety is so common. It is as if our minds get caught up in treacle. We can't move without effort. We have to drag every thought out. Very understandable in the circumstances. No Logic!!? Then don't look for it. That just consumes energy and is a waste of time. As I said before, anxiety can flare for no apparent reason and that is part of the illness. So just ACCEPT that it is so. And you should try not to engage in recriminations. You USED to sit for hours. Well that was then this is now. In this complaint we all change and more than often for the better. We become more understanding people. You sound a nice guy so be kind to yourself, Alex. Things WILL level out, believe me.  Best wishes.   J.

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Awesome Alex! Like J says you are on the right track, we all feel it's unique you know, but it's because it is in OUR heads, but when you talk to other people you realise you ain't as unique as you think you are. On your motorcycle if you had those symptoms you could just pull over, take your jacket off, have a drink, take a few breaths and calm yourself down. In a class room or appointment/interview it might go like this.. "Oh no it's coming I need to get out of here,  but I'm stuck, I need to excuse myself, but that draws attention to me, what will they think? And I might be sweating and people will stare..what if they know? They will think badly of me etc, oh god, oh no"... That is what causes it in the first place. And why it doesn't happen on your bike. Took me a few years to feel slightly comfortable enough to eat in a restaurant because it would happen to me there, and the cinema, anywhere I couldn't escape from, which is silly because I could go outside, go to a bathroom if I needed to, but not in my mind I couldn't.

 

One thing I always carry with me is a little bottle of Bachs Rescue Remedy, only thing I have ever used. When I feel panic coming on I squirt it like crazy, it's herbal and you can use it as much as you like. It works for me, helps calm me down. Might be useful for you too :)

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You guys this is really a treat for me. Letting this all out is helping me a lot to kinda get it off my chest. I want to start working on doing some exposure therapy to social places like malls and cinemas and such. I feel that this illness it making me homestuck and its making me feel lonely most of the time. I really don't have any friends where I live and I think it would be great to meet someone in my area with a similar illness to talk with. I was thinking of maybe starting a journal to document and keep track of my episodes as well. Btw thanks for the info Gilly, I just ordered the bachs remedy, I'll let you know how it goes!

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I'm really happy it is helping Alex, and yes a journal is a great idea, getting it out is good, therapeutic and it's also really good for reference and reassurance. You really do have a great attitude towards it, and a great understanding of how to help yourself, I sincerely hope the rescue remedy is as helpful to you as it is for me! Best wishes on your road to recovery and please do let us know how you do :)

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Ok I'm thinking of making 2 different threads but not sure where to put them! A journal thread so I can share my everyday activities with everyone and another thread on "Things that you think YOU only do". A few examples for me would be like when I was in school my stomach would be really noisy in class so I'd try to grab something from my backpack or make noise to time it with the stomach noise ^_^; or how I'd always have to sit in the chair closest to the door even in cinemas. I think it'd be great to share those and we'd probly find that we have a lot of them in common! So Where can I put those threads? Also my Bachs remedy comes in the mail tomorrow! Pretty excited!

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ALEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX !  Welcome to the cool kids corner of the interwebs.......that's right I said it . This is the spot where everything awesome happens and nothing sucks ever !   

So.... your story is curiously close to my own,,,,, that makes us kinda kindred spirits ! 
I wonder you said you can trace it all the way back to elementary school .............can you trace it all the way back to where it began? 

It didn't begin in elementary school. The symptoms might have but not the cause. Do you remember or has anyone in your family mentioned something really earth shattering that may have happened to you prior to that that scared you so bad? If it's sensitive information I understand if you don't want to share it ! :) And that' totally cool. You don't have to share anything you don't want to. 

I just think it's important to figure out what CREATED the fear in us to help us move forward.  
For example for myself I have a mother who always thought we would die no matter what, swimming pools drown, cars kill, climbing trees kill, bathtubs drown, falling out of cribs kills, snow skiing deaths, walking to park abductor kills, eating peanuts chokes, etc.  I thought it was funny when I was older but now that I'm WAY older I can see a very small kid of 2 or 4 yrs old can think WOW I might die today,, every day and how much of an impact that can have on how to handle fear !    

 

Once again, welcome and I'm really glad you found us. You 'll be fine I promise ! 

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Thanks for the warm welcomes! I'm not sure where the fear came from, so many different things happened to me throughout life, I kinda always had anxiety but it was manageable. So I decided to make a journal and wrote my first entry today. Since my panic attacks barely started a few months ago I'm only now starting to reflect a bit on the past but I don't think I'll ever really find the reason. It'd be like finding a needle in 50 hay stacks. I'm just ready to learn how to manage and prevent them from coming up more. It's going to take me a while but I want to be normal more than anything! So here is the link to my first entry https://penzu.com/p/5060e017 I was thinking of writing it here but I was kind of worried about how it will be used and where so I made it private.Yeah I'm usually paranoid about stuff like that lol even if I don't mention names, there is enough info there that someone will definitely know me if they read it and I'm just not ready to tell my family.

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Hi Alex. I have read your write up in the journal and you have made it very interesting. You should try writing for a living; you seem to have the knack! First of all I would say that you have had the inevitable ups and downs that we all get and I could write a similar journal entry. In spite of what the  psychoanalysts say I do not believe  that going into the past and looking for reasons for our anxiety helps. It may be interesting to know but the present needs dealing with. To be told that your problem is caused by your mother leaving you out in the pram on a cold day or that your sister envied your arrival  is not going to help when you are in a supermarket clutching a trolley and having a panic attack! Yes, there are repressed factors that it may help to bring into the light but I do not believe we should make a meal of it. I know that in the USA some spend many years in therapy costing thousands of dollars and still seem to have problems.The fact that you have anxiety symptoms you already know and you seem to know what has caused them, now you need to be able to accept them as part of the anxiety syndrome. To me, and this is from my own experience, acceptance of the symptoms and, at the same time, moving toward recovery by finding a suitable therapy is essential. Trying to do it on our own does not help. I know you have come here and I am so glad we have been able to help. To me the combination of a good therapist and some mild short term medication can sometimes work wonders. Of course, it does depend on the depth of suffering. Sometimes more powerful medication may be called for to get us over a particular bad session. But there is no real substitute for being with like minded understanding people, as on this site. Is there anywhere you can go for a group therapy session?  I found this helped me when in the depths of GAD. To talk to someone who has 'been there' and come back gives us hope and hope is so important. There were no sites like this in those days. You are on the right track, Alex and I look forward to hear how you fare.   Best wishes.   J.

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Good stuff Jonathan! I would like to add  one thing that has helped me as far as physical symptoms. I read up / googled etc. on WHY does the heart race when panicking, why do the fingers go numb when panicking, etc. I learned what I could about the body sensations that go with panic and that helped me to not fear them. When your heart just JUMPS out of your chest, it can be very unsettling. Once you learn what about the panic makes the heart race, or any of the other physical symptoms, then they don't scare you and as soon as you're not afraid of that racing heart that racing heart will be calm !  So whatever physical symptoms you have , look into them and they will become routine and not so odd .

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I agree with Jonathan I can dive into my past all day and look for causes but it's not going to fix today overnight. I did however realize that I've alway had borderline anxiety issues growing up, could have been from my terrible run in with chicken pox or it could have been something passed down from my mother and grandmother. Both are extremely nervous/anxious people and maybe as a child I fed off of that. Bottom line is I'm here now and am fully aware what is going on and even though I have accepted my illness, I have not and will not accept that it will dicate my life. I'm actually in the process of reading as much as I can about anxiety and panic, learning about the symptoms and educating myself. The only BIG problems I have is telling my family and going to a doctor for it. I may look for a group therapy session so I can talk to someone in person about it. The thing that bothers me about these situations is that I have always been the mentally/physically strong one among my family, times are kind of tough right now and my families moral is low so I don't feel the timing is right for me to come out with this. I would rather deal with it on my own and not let the news crush them further. Also my dad is one of those "macho" type of guys. Anything short of perfection for him is like failure even though he himself is far from perfect. Funny I mention this, a lot of this may stem from me feeling inadequate in his eyes all the time. I might just write a journal entry on that today! So the other thing is going to the doctor. I love doing things like shooting at the range and would like to go hunting one day to learn how to hunt. I don't think I'd be able to do these things if I'm slapped with a label like anxiety/panic disorder. The funny thing is I've actually been shooting a few times and took a handgun course and while I was in the classroom segment I was having a tiny panic attack but controlled it. Then when it came time to shoot I was perfectly fine! I wasn't anxious or panicy, I was loving it! It's those situations where everything is too quiet or too normal that I tend to freak out. So that's pretty much where I'm at now. I'm also trying different extracts like passion flower and kava kava to see if they can help.

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Hi again Alex. The big problem with some people who suffer is to  admit they have an illness. But it IS an illness and not something that need be hidden. Your dad may be 'macho' but you have to remember that that kind of behavior often covers an insecure personality.. They (in psychological terms)  'compensate' for their inadequacy by being pushy and superior. I do feel you need to confide in someone and it is a pity that you do not feel your family would support you. You can't blame them though as it is so difficult for non sufferers to understand how we feel. You say about being 'slapped with a label'.  What an indictment against modern society when if you had any other illness than anxiety there would be no label. It would just be sympathy. There is a lot of educating still to be done. Joy is absolutely right. Once we understand what causes our anxiety, or rather what triggers certain episodes, then it does take a lot of the sting out of it. You were better when shooting because you were doing something you enjoy. Our minds tend to turn in on ourselves  and we become introspective to the exclusion of outside interests. Keep doing what you enjoy. Why are you hesitant about seeing your GP? They are so used to anxiety cases these days that as my doctor said recently, if they don't get at least one case a day then something is wrong! In our Western society there is not much that is conducive to peace of mind. We have to find that for ourselves. It can be done and I am sure you are on the way.  Very best wishes.   J.

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Hey everyone, been a while! Yeah my dad definitely has that attitude to cover up his insecurities, he suffers from a number of illnesses too including depression, high blood pressure and I'm  convinced he's got the beginning signs of alzheimers. The whole being labeled thing is hard to explain, I don't want everyone in my family knowing that I have these problems it's just not the right time and there are tons of other factors I can't really talk about here. In other news, I've been doing great! Over the past 2 weeks or so I've had some really great moments. I drove 119 miles to pick up my grandma and then another 119 miles back home without any problems. I went to 2 really large stores with my dad and didn't feel one ounce of anxiety, I was relaxed the entire time! I also got my bachs remedy in the mail but I havn't been able to try it under any anxious situations because there hasn't really been any. I've been learning to catch myself before I begin the negative thoughts and anxiety. Seems strange because once I looked for the patterns they were easily detected. I found that I was bringing the anxiety and panic most of the time on my own both on a subconscious level and then conscious level as well. I was allowing the thoughts to manifest and dominate my thought process but lately I've been putting that fire out before it catches into flames. As soon as I feel that dark hovering doom coming on I instantly switch my thinking and try to take my mind off of it. It's been working so far in situations that seem easy to manage but I havn't been in a very difficult situation yet and I'm looking forward to seeing how this will work in one.

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I tell you what Alex. If I drove 119 miles I wouldn't be able to get out of the car!! But well done. As I said my belief is that you are on the right road. If you get a 'set back', and we all do from time to time, don't be put off by it and think you are back to square one again. YOU ARE NOT. And don't try to 'force' recovery. You won't succeed with that one. It takes time so don't be impatient with time. Any advance is a case of three steps forward and one back. We get into a habit in this illness and often go around looking for our symptoms if they are not there. I am not saying you will but it does happen. You have detected the patterns in your illness and that is great. This means you can avoid getting into situations that may cause anxiety, at least until you are stronger. We can never avoid altogether things that make us unhappy because that is life, but it is how we manage these occurrences that is important. Keep going as you are and good luck.    J.

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Yeah, I wouldn't even be able to manage 119 miles, great stuff Alex! You're doing great :)

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Hey everyone, been a while! Yeah my dad definitely has that attitude to cover up his insecurities, he suffers from a number of illnesses too including depression, high blood pressure and I'm  convinced he's got the beginning signs of alzheimers. The whole being labeled thing is hard to explain, I don't want everyone in my family knowing that I have these problems it's just not the right time and there are tons of other factors I can't really talk about here. In other news, I've been doing great! Over the past 2 weeks or so I've had some really great moments. I drove 119 miles to pick up my grandma and then another 119 miles back home without any problems. I went to 2 really large stores with my dad and didn't feel one ounce of anxiety, I was relaxed the entire time! I also got my bachs remedy in the mail but I havn't been able to try it under any anxious situations because there hasn't really been any. I've been learning to catch myself before I begin the negative thoughts and anxiety. Seems strange because once I looked for the patterns they were easily detected. I found that I was bringing the anxiety and panic most of the time on my own both on a subconscious level and then conscious level as well. I was allowing the thoughts to manifest and dominate my thought process but lately I've been putting that fire out before it catches into flames. As soon as I feel that dark hovering doom coming on I instantly switch my thinking and try to take my mind off of it. It's been working so far in situations that seem easy to manage but I havn't been in a very difficult situation yet and I'm looking forward to seeing how this will work in one.

AMAZING ALEX AMAZING !  You're well on the way. Once you can tell it where to go , instead of let it victimize you , nothing can stop you . So glad you're improving. When you do have a little blip of a problem, remember one of the days when you won and how you win again today if you choose !  

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