AlexN7

So I just got back from my 5 hour class and let me just say one thing..........GREAT SUCCESS!! I cannot believe how well it went tonight. All day I was up for the challenge but semi anxious. Time seemed to be flying to the hour I had to be there, I was trying to be relaxed and collected but ended up being damn close to running late! I arrived there about 20 mins early. Walked into the main office and asked where the class was being held. I was in a totally unfamiliar place so everything was new to me as I was then lead towards the back and up a flight of stairs. I was the 2nd person there so I had pretty much the whole room to myself, Which chair did I chose??? The one closest to the exit of course! Lol! I greeted the teacher and she noted we would begin at 6pm (15 minutes from then) and within those 15 minutes students came pouring in! In the beginning I was anxious of course, and as the students came rushing in the anxiety level rose but never reached a point were I was going to panic. I just weathered that initial storm and surprisingly enough no physical symptoms began. I was anxious but it was a perfectly normal "1st day of school" anxiety so to speak. Towards the end I was almost completely relaxed and at ease, it was really amazing for me. The teacher was nice too she described her and her family saying she had an autistic son (aspergers) so she's already accustomed to tending to special needs of people. She also told us all to "feel free to use the restroom or stand and stretch or even eat during the class" and after she said that it was like she set me free and anxiety had no power over me. I thought to myself wow that's great, even though I had already told myself that if I felt an attack coming or felt like I needed to get out I'd just walk out and go to the restroom. The funny thing is she noted that she's pretty good at knowing what type of illnesses people have such as PTSD, I wondered if she'd ever guess what I had because clearly on this night I am victorious and anxiety/panic/agoraphobia had no effect on ME!

Thanks for all the good energy guys! It's been a while since I last posted and wanted to check in, I have a HUGE challenge ahead today. I'm in a class for real estate and I will be required to sit in the class for 5 hours today! If you read my first journal you know I get very anxious in classrooms but I'm not going to let that hinder my ability to try my best. I was anxious earlier in the week because I was behind on my studies but I've caught up and am confident I'll do great. This will be the 1st of 4 sessions throughout the month, each 5 hours long then followed by a 3 hour test session once completed. It is going to be my toughest challenge since unofficially diagnosing myself with anxiety disorder and agoraphobia. What gives me so much hope is that my situation is unique and I can still do many things that theoretically I should have trouble doing. Also, I havn't had a full on panic attack and have always been able to either control it, or take myself out of the situation until the anxiety came to a manageable level. With that being said, it's going to be interesting to see how I handle being in a class for 5 hours with other students! Wish me luck everyone! I will be back to let you guys know all the details once I return!

Hey everyone, been a while! Yeah my dad definitely has that attitude to cover up his insecurities, he suffers from a number of illnesses too including depression, high blood pressure and I'm convinced he's got the beginning signs of alzheimers. The whole being labeled thing is hard to explain, I don't want everyone in my family knowing that I have these problems it's just not the right time and there are tons of other factors I can't really talk about here. In other news, I've been doing great! Over the past 2 weeks or so I've had some really great moments. I drove 119 miles to pick up my grandma and then another 119 miles back home without any problems. I went to 2 really large stores with my dad and didn't feel one ounce of anxiety, I was relaxed the entire time! I also got my bachs remedy in the mail but I havn't been able to try it under any anxious situations because there hasn't really been any. I've been learning to catch myself before I begin the negative thoughts and anxiety. Seems strange because once I looked for the patterns they were easily detected. I found that I was bringing the anxiety and panic most of the time on my own both on a subconscious level and then conscious level as well. I was allowing the thoughts to manifest and dominate my thought process but lately I've been putting that fire out before it catches into flames. As soon as I feel that dark hovering doom coming on I instantly switch my thinking and try to take my mind off of it. It's been working so far in situations that seem easy to manage but I havn't been in a very difficult situation yet and I'm looking forward to seeing how this will work in one.

I agree with Jonathan I can dive into my past all day and look for causes but it's not going to fix today overnight. I did however realize that I've alway had borderline anxiety issues growing up, could have been from my terrible run in with chicken pox or it could have been something passed down from my mother and grandmother. Both are extremely nervous/anxious people and maybe as a child I fed off of that. Bottom line is I'm here now and am fully aware what is going on and even though I have accepted my illness, I have not and will not accept that it will dicate my life. I'm actually in the process of reading as much as I can about anxiety and panic, learning about the symptoms and educating myself. The only BIG problems I have is telling my family and going to a doctor for it. I may look for a group therapy session so I can talk to someone in person about it. The thing that bothers me about these situations is that I have always been the mentally/physically strong one among my family, times are kind of tough right now and my families moral is low so I don't feel the timing is right for me to come out with this. I would rather deal with it on my own and not let the news crush them further. Also my dad is one of those "macho" type of guys. Anything short of perfection for him is like failure even though he himself is far from perfect. Funny I mention this, a lot of this may stem from me feeling inadequate in his eyes all the time. I might just write a journal entry on that today! So the other thing is going to the doctor. I love doing things like shooting at the range and would like to go hunting one day to learn how to hunt. I don't think I'd be able to do these things if I'm slapped with a label like anxiety/panic disorder. The funny thing is I've actually been shooting a few times and took a handgun course and while I was in the classroom segment I was having a tiny panic attack but controlled it. Then when it came time to shoot I was perfectly fine! I wasn't anxious or panicy, I was loving it! It's those situations where everything is too quiet or too normal that I tend to freak out. So that's pretty much where I'm at now. I'm also trying different extracts like passion flower and kava kava to see if they can help.

Thanks for the warm welcomes! I'm not sure where the fear came from, so many different things happened to me throughout life, I kinda always had anxiety but it was manageable. So I decided to make a journal and wrote my first entry today. Since my panic attacks barely started a few months ago I'm only now starting to reflect a bit on the past but I don't think I'll ever really find the reason. It'd be like finding a needle in 50 hay stacks. I'm just ready to learn how to manage and prevent them from coming up more. It's going to take me a while but I want to be normal more than anything! So here is the link to my first entry https://penzu.com/p/5060e017 I was thinking of writing it here but I was kind of worried about how it will be used and where so I made it private.Yeah I'm usually paranoid about stuff like that lol even if I don't mention names, there is enough info there that someone will definitely know me if they read it and I'm just not ready to tell my family.

So basically in this thread we write the things we'd like to share that we think only we do no matter how silly or weird it sounds! Share what you're comfortable with of course or just have a good laugh at the ones I'll post =] I find I do the weirdest things sometimes >_<; Some will have to do with Anxiety, Agoraphobia and other illnesses but most of them will just be random. So without further adieu! -Sometimes when I'm in a large crowded area I suddenly become increasingly conscious of how I'm walking, standing or sitting. -I take my smartphone to the bathroom with me. Always. Even in the bath or shower sometimes. -I walk around aimlessly when talking on the phone -when i was young I used to wonder what my favorite actor/artist was doing at that exact moment -If I'm playing basketball or any sport, I always have to leave the court on a good note by making a last shot/goal before leaving. -I always have to sit closest to the exit, or in the back of classrooms, cinemas. -I've flat out walked away from conversations/situations without saying a word due to panic symptoms. -I use the "urgent phone call" or "urgent bathroom" excuse a lot. So those are a few just to start and you get the idea! We can also talk about some of them and relate to each others!

Ok I'm thinking of making 2 different threads but not sure where to put them! A journal thread so I can share my everyday activities with everyone and another thread on "Things that you think YOU only do". A few examples for me would be like when I was in school my stomach would be really noisy in class so I'd try to grab something from my backpack or make noise to time it with the stomach noise ^_^; or how I'd always have to sit in the chair closest to the door even in cinemas. I think it'd be great to share those and we'd probly find that we have a lot of them in common! So Where can I put those threads? Also my Bachs remedy comes in the mail tomorrow! Pretty excited!

You guys this is really a treat for me. Letting this all out is helping me a lot to kinda get it off my chest. I want to start working on doing some exposure therapy to social places like malls and cinemas and such. I feel that this illness it making me homestuck and its making me feel lonely most of the time. I really don't have any friends where I live and I think it would be great to meet someone in my area with a similar illness to talk with. I was thinking of maybe starting a journal to document and keep track of my episodes as well. Btw thanks for the info Gilly, I just ordered the bachs remedy, I'll let you know how it goes!

Wow, thanks Gilly and jonathan! Great help! So I had something come up and I had to turn down the job I was offered. I'd say 40% was due to the anxiety and panic I was getting from thinking about a brand new field and having to deal with all the people. The other 60% of the reason was the hours and pay, it just wasn't enough and I'd be making more in my usual field. The new opportunity I have requires me to go to a school for 4 sessions of 5 hours each, I'm really anxious about it but I'm also very motivated to tackle it. I went to get information on it today and actually felt the panic attack building up while I was talking to the teacher. The usual, chest tightening, shortness of breath and doomy feeling/thoughts. It isn't really having the thoughts it's more of a feeling like my mind is scrambling and fuzzy. I just thought to myself "Great my anxiety is flaring up, better remember to breath and reassure myself it's ok, if I feel I can't handle it just ask where the bathroom is and gather myself there" Is this thought process ok? My situation seems so unique. I can ride my motorcycle and be stuck in traffic, wearing all kinds of protective gear that's snug and not feel restricted but the minute I have a seat and talk to someone the gear becomes unbearable. I used to be able to sit for hours on end getting a tattoo and this never came up. I'm beginning to understand that no matter how much I think about it or try to understand it there is simply no logic, I'd be going down a rabbit hole it seems. I've accepted it, it's not my fault and I'll continue to overcome the attacks as they come. I'm in good spirits and thought I may get discouraged at times, I don't like dwelling in those times and know how to bounce myself back, so it's time to start thinking positive!

Thanks for the welcome guys! I havn't seen a doctor for it mostly because I don't know who to go to and what the cost is going to be. There is a few obstacles, I don't want my parents finding out and I'm not sure if my insurance will cover it. So I guess I have some homework to do. Another thing is this job fast approaching and I'm thinking I won't accept it, not just because I want to work on myself a little more but also because the position is not paying enough and the schedule isn't fixed. I'm actually an incredibly ambitious person but when the anxiety kicks in that quickly changes. It seems to come on for no reason, like it's subconscious and I have no control after that I'm just kinda "managing it". I want to finish school and study fields like real estate and nutrition but I can't even stomach the thought of being in a classroom for more than an hour. Last night I exercised in my garage and thought about one of my best times. about 2 years ago I was training at a martial arts gym and didn't even bother to think about anxiety, it's almost as if now I've become "self aware" if that makes sense. After I finished my exercise I went in the house and sat down to talk with one of our family friends that was over. Everything was going great then about an hour later I get the familiar symptoms. Shortness of breath, chest tension and I literally had to get up and go to my room to breath DEEP breaths until it subsided. I just can't imagine being in a job setting, in retail, where I have to be with customers and doing something every minute I'm there. I'm thinking my anxiety has a lot to do with social situations also I feel I definitely have agoraphobia. What kills me about this is that I used to be so outgoing and fun and I don't want to just shut myself in. I have days where I am fine all day sometimes even good weeks but as soon as it hits I just get so discouraged. It's so confusing, I can take long rides on my motorcycle, drove 6000ft up to a national park, I can go to the gym with tons of people in it and not care but simple things like sitting in a waiting room or even eating at a table with co workers will give me anxiety. So I'm thinking I should do some research for psych's in my area and see if I can maybe figure out if my insurance will cover? Another thing is, I'm on the same insurance as my parents so I'm kinda worried they will see activity or get the bill since my dad is the primary. If it's not too expensive I may pay out of pocket. I definitely want to try natural tho, I don't want to rely on medication but if it comes to that I'm willing to try anything to be normal again. Thank you guys so much for the input.

Hello everyone, so I decided to join to try and get information and chat with others about my anxiety/panic issues. I'll start with a little about me, I'm a 23 year old male, recently unemployed although I am going for a drug test and already have a new job lined up in retail (very nervous about it). I get a lot of exercise, very fit and healthy yet I still recently had these anxiety problems and panic attacks surface. The weird thing is I can trace the symptoms all the way to elementary I used to cry for no apparent reason in class and would constantly have to run to the restroom to get away from the situation. Throughout middle school and highschool I used marijuana to help me get through but I remember having social anxiety and was always battling through each hour in class which also messed with my focus because I couldn't actually sit and do my work. I would be scared of the seemingly silliest things, my bowels would become really noisy and I'd be uncomfortable in enclosed spaces with so many students. I never wanted to let anyone know, my parents and friends never knew anything but I was always secretly battling it. So after a while I couldn't handle it and other circumstances in my life (family moving) led me to drop out of highschool and just work at home with an uncle. Years went by and everything seemed great! I partied, drinking and using pills and the thought that I wasn't stuck with school or HAVING to be anywhere freed me. So fast forward to recently many things changed but I didn't worry about the anxiety and it was minimal/dismissed as normal worries. So I was working with family at a legal office and times got tough to the point where they couldn't pay me. No big deal I'll just look for another job. Since I never graduated no one would hire me, and I've been unemployed for about a year now. I stayed busy working out and doing other stuff but I became very home stuck and one night for no apparent reason I had a bad panic attack. I remember playing online with a friend and feeling chest pressure/discomfort but I thought it was soreness from working out. Brushed it off and went to bed. Then at about midnight I got woken up by this horrible panic attack. I felt impending doom first, the chest pressure and I immediately thought "heart attack" and like 100 other thoughts. I scrambled to get up and almost blacked out crawling down the hallway to get the phone. I called 911 and they were sending someone over until I kinda gathered myself and told them I was fine. I thought something serious was up but didn't want a huge emergency bill and a big scare for my family so I decided I'd go to a clinic the day after. Went to the clinic, did an ekg and x ray and everything came back normal. After that things went so-so as I knew nothing was wrong with my physical health and I wasn't injured from lifting. Then the panic attacks started coming at random times. In target just looking through isles, after a workout at the gym, driving my dad to his p.o. box even having dinner with my mom at a sushi bar I'd always went to. The panic attacks are pretty bad but somehow and I have no clue how, I manage. That's basically where I'm at now, I have not seen a psych for it, nor does my doctor know. My family doesn't know and I don't want them to either. I'm kinda stuck and feel a bit helpless which is why I'm here. I'm currently trying to find a natural way to deal with it, I have a very helpful friend that is making me herbs and extracts to see if they help, I've tried the valerian root extract and it did have a calming effect but I havn't tried it during a high anxiety/panic time. I also have this job fast approaching and I'm getting really anxious that if I don't find something that works quick I'll lost the opportunity. I'm sure I left out a lot of things and sorry for such a long post =P but any info or tips would really help!