Search the Community

It seems as though my anxiety has now jumped from ALS or MS to being HIV positive. I went through a lot of the threads where others have had this worry and it has provided me some comfort that I am not the only one who has felt this way before. I'm trying really hard to not have a full blown panic attack right now. Basically, at the beginning of May, I was with one guy. I did not have sex with him (nor have I had sex before), but instead other ~things~ were done. I will not get into details because there could be young people reading these threads. Here are the good things: From May until right now I haven't gotten sick (not even a cold), I haven't had dramatic weight loss, and I do not run a fever, I haven't had skin rashes, my body hasn't ached all over, and while I do love my naps...I don't recall ever feeling lethargic even after a full day of activity. The bad things: the swollen lump fear has now come back to haunt me, and now instead of attaching this thought to lymphoma, I'm attaching it to HIV. My doctor also told me my tonsils felt enlarged 2 weeks ago. I had a bad UTI and yeast infection about 2 weeks after my time with him, but that was taken care of and I don't believe I've had one since (I blamed it on the scented pads I used for monthly cycle...never again!!!!). I also see that oral thrush is a thing, and now I'm questioning if my tongue looks white or not. I've also had this semi dry cough, that has improved, but is still lingering (I'm not sick though). Now I know a simple solution is to get tested, but I don't even want to because of how fearful I am. I'm not sure if I trust drugstore kits either. I also am not sure how to get tested without my family knowing. What I also know is that so much time has passed (nearly 8 months), and I think that can count for something. But I also know in some cases HIV can remained undetected for years. The guy I was with doesn't seem like the type to be in a situation where he would be exposed to this virus and certainly he is all about his health (he lifts weights and is on some kind of muscle journey lol). And yes I know that looks don't determine someone's HIV status. I feel very stupid writing this post but maybe someone will verbally slap some sense into me and tell me I'm fine

In February I had sex for the first time with a guy of unknown status but who said he was clean yet also said he never wore a condom before(I'm a girl) and we used a condom that time. I bled a lot but I figured it was low risk with a condom. Second time we did it a week later but he pressured me too much and there was no condom used that time. He didn't ejaculate in me, he pulled out. But I did bleed. It was like blood had sprayed on the sheet, not like slow bleeding like the first time. I am worried HIV might've gotten into me from that bleeding. That was the only two times I came close to sex. After that we stopped talking and I didn't notice any symptoms really. I'm diagnosed with OCD and GAD so I don't know if it was those or what but I was having night sweats. I googled that and I started to get triggered about HIV. I became obsessed. I thought I might've had swollen lymph nodes and one arm was sore for a while. Near the end of the three month mark I got sick with a fever and rash and the dr diagnosed me with hand foot and mouth Disease. That makes sense since my mom was coming home from her school job where there was a huge outbreak of it at the school. It went away quickly and that's it. Now it's been 6 1/2 months and I am scared to get tested. My friend and cousin said I'm overreacting but I want to get tested. Not at a clinic because there are no free ones nearby nor are they anonymous. I looked into oraquick rapid test but I'm too embarrassed and afraid to purchase it. I don't know what to do. This whole issue has triggered me. I concha toy wash my hands and scrub things. I won't let anyone use my towels or soap or anything that I've touched. It's driving me crazy. If I touch any food I throw it away. I don't know if it was my guilt (I'm Muslim) about sex or what but I just can't do it. I'm too afraid to walk into the store and get the test. Also the guy was Muslim as well , as far as I knew a non drug user and doesn't have sex with men but u never know with some of those nasty girls out there he might've been with. Now I am so afraid because I met an amazing guy recently and things are going well. I don't want him to find out I have HIV but I want to know if I even have it or not. I pretty much gave myself the death sentence because I can hide that I had sex from potential husbands but if I have HIV I can never get married to a Muslim guy.

Hi.I have for about a year and a half been convinced that I am hiv positive.I have tested negative 5 times during this last 1 and a half years and once 8 months after what i consider my primary infection.The time of my so called primary infection occured in march 2009. This is a long time ago so my memory of these events are not the best. I got tonsilitis in march 2009 and I remember having drunk oral sex with a prostitute where i had wounds on my tounge when waking up day after. Now I do not remember how far apart these two events occured.I was at the time living in Japan and partying/drinking quite heavely during my stay. When I got the tonsilitis I went to the doctor and got some meds, got better and thought nothing of it.After a while i noticed my tounge was white, it still is. If I wipe my tounge it gets better but as soon as i eat something the small papillae on my tounge gets white again, like the food gets stuck and it just keeps building up if i don't wipe. I am convinced that this is thrush, I have now tested negative for fungal infection twice and asked 4 different doctors and nobody seems to think that there is something wrong.I was living in Japan until may 2009 when i returned to my home country, Sweden. There I continued to live life as normal but after a while my tounge gave me concerns so I started to look up information on the internet where I found out about the connection between thrush and tonsilitis and hiv primary infection.I went to a doctor in Sweden to get my tounge checked out, the doctor said nothing was wrong so I once again continued living life normal.In november 2009 I decided that i wanted to go back to Japan the next year in april. A little time passed and once again my concerns about my tounge came back and I decided to take a HIV test, this was in Januari 2010, 8 months after what i see as my primary infection.The test came back negative.I went back to Japan in april 2010, I am still living in Japan. I now have a wife and our daughter was born about a month ago but i can't stop worrying that I have given my wife HIV and my daughter also has it.My wife was tested for HIV during her pregnacy, it was negative.I don't know why but for some reason the thoughts of hiv came back at around one and a half years ago. I took some time looking up alot on the internet and my anxiety got worse and worse to the point where I was looking at my tounge for hours a day. I decieded to take another hiv test. It was a rapid one that shows the result in about 30 minutes, it was negative. I was relieved beyond belief. It was shortlived though, after about 3 months the thoughts came back and I started to see more symtoms and also looking a symtoms on my wife.I recall my wife having a very high fever once and diahrrea where here hands crampt and black dots on her leg. I do not recall how close these 3 event occured but they occured in the span of 2 years.So I got tested again, this time not only hiv but hepatis and other diseases, they all came back negative.I worry that i have infected my wifes mother, sister and sisters child. This new-year we had a family dinner where we all ate using chopstick from a pot. That day I had been scratching my tounge to the point that it bled a little, about 1 hour before the dinner. I told myself that i had to be careful during the dinner not to infect anyone. Unfortunatly I had some drinks and forgot to be careful and now I worry that blood from my mouth passed into the pot which then was eaten by my wifes mother. The sister and the sisters son was eating from another pot but I believe that maybe the mother passed it on or i passed it on from eating from another plate. Because a short time after all three of them got sick from influenca, I was told from my wife that the mother went and tested herself at the hospital and was positive for influenca, she had fever. The sister also got fever and got some sort of large infected pimple close to her vagina. The sisters son got fever and diarreah.I still sometimes believe that they are all infected.My last at a total of 6 negative hiv test were in january this year.My current symtoms are my tounge which has not changed during these years, i have had persistant athletes foot, i have had problems with pimples and red itchy skin and dandruff on my scalp and HPV. The pimples and itchy scalp has gotten better. I have also been prone to tonsilitis these past years. I might add that i check my tounge often and my feet and my scalp, i also check my face alot and I used to check my fingers for warts, and my eyes for pimples.I spend several hours a day with intrusive thought about hiv, and I have a hard time going to family dinners as im constantly looking at my relatives for signs of hiv.Im getting tired of worrying about my wife and my child all the time, does this sound like health anxiety? Does anyone have any advice?