Jupitereyed

HA Acceptance

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone,

My last post in the forum was about my skin worries: pityriasis rosea, nummular eczema, atopic dermatitis, or mycosis fungoids (aka., a form of non-Hodgkins lymphoma)? I had a biopsy done on May 22nd and still have not heard back from the Derm clinic. I'm going to stop in tomorrow to see what they found, but it's probably pityriasis rosea. Most doctors will say "but it only lasts 6-8 weeks and you'd be covered!" meanwhile there are tons of testimonies out there that it can last AT LEAST 12 weeks from onset of the herald patch and it doesn't always result in a hundred or more patches. I have a few more newer spots on my back, but I haven't been all that worried about this anymore as many of the older spots are resolving.

Well, two mornings ago I was laying in bed and noticed that some of my tongue, parts of my lips, and part of the roof of my mouth felt just a bit tingly on and off again and have been on/off again since. And with all the tongue/mouth stuff, earlier tonight I also had a very tangible heat/tingly sensation along the outer edge of my right elbow. I then started freaking out about MS (MS was one of my health anxiety obsessions in 2012). Yeah, true, I had slept on a pillow I threw to the side months ago because it offered little-to-no neck support (but decided to give a second try) the night before and morning of the tingling onset... but some people with MS wrongly blamed their tongue and facial tingling on bad/new pillows before their diagnosis, too. 

So, of course I started getting scared and anxious but then something happened: I was venting about HA on my private twitter and quickly realized that I'm a little too fed up with HA to deal with it right now and that no amount of anxiety is going to change anything right now anyway... and the spiraling stopped. "I'm over over-worrying and anxiety. If it's MS it's MS. If it's a thyroid tumor it's a tumor. If it's pernicious anemia it's pernicious anemia, if it's a tweaked nerve, etc. It is what it is and it isn't what it isn't; bring it up and it will be dealt with if it's anything. Bye Felicia." I literally rolled my eyes, shook my head, and muttered to myself, "just go and do something worth your time." 

And I'm sitting here right now wondering, "Who the heck am I right now? Did I really do that?? I DID THAT!"

In retrospect, it seemed so easy in the moment, but the journey up until was anything but. It took the better part of two decades with immense anxiety and the last year on 20mgs of Fluoxetine once daily to be able to reach this point. And I can't say I'll always be this accepting and receptive, but it's a relief to know that I'm definitely capable.

Acceptance is such an easy concept to understand. It's easy to counsel other people on. But it's another one entirely to put into practice and embody yourself.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I love when I reach that acceptance level.  I have an inner dialogue I imagine with my anxiety persona, and sometimes I'm just like "you know what?  I don't have time for this, F off, maybe we'll talk later, maybe we won't, I got shit to do".  I love when the real me shuts up that other me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A good Psychiatrist Dr. Emmett Miller said, “anxiety is not something that happens to you. Anxiety is the result of what you do with what is happening to you.” You do not have to accept anxiety. I got mad, and had enough. I’ve been in therapy for 2 years and while I’m not 100%, I’m doing much better. Hang in there and get pissed and then into therapy if you’re not already. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If a person has real or imagined health issues, then it is very important to have a solid support system in place. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.