I feel guilty for thinking I'm sick

[Ruu 39]

Hey! This is a bit of a different post to normal. Instead of explaining symptoms or asking for help. I wonder if anyone else ever has similar thoughts of guilt.

As with most here, I constantly have some kind of disease. Heart issues, various cancers, sepsis, ms etc.

The problem I have is knowing somehwere in my mind that's it's all rubbish. But still not being able to stop worrying and then encountering people who actually have experienced those problems.

For example... My wife's grandad died earlier this year after a routine operation turned to Sepsis. Horrible experience. But since then I've been certain I've had Sepsis at least 5 times. I also had another relative die after a lung infection. At the same time I definitely have various lung conditions.

I feel guilty because I know it's anxiety, but I can't shake the feeling that I still have these issues myself.

[moneakers 3]

I think I definitely get this and mostly it makes me depressed. I have felt terrible that I’m wasting my life worrying when there are other people out there that are truly sick. And I’ve felt so silly for running around to doctors when I’m likely healthy. I’ve apologized to my husband even though he’s so supportive. 

 

The weird thing is I think sometimes my anxiety stems from guilt that I AM healthy and others aren’t. Like why am I more deserving of health than someone else? I think sometimes I don’t deserve good things to happen to me or for things to turn out well so I sabotage myself and start looking for problems.

[Holls 1505]

4 hours ago, moneakers said:

I think I definitely get this and mostly it makes me depressed. I have felt terrible that I’m wasting my life worrying when there are other people out there that are truly sick. And I’ve felt so silly for running around to doctors when I’m likely healthy. I’ve apologized to my husband even though he’s so supportive. 

 

The weird thing is I think sometimes my anxiety stems from guilt that I AM healthy and others aren’t. Like why am I more deserving of health than someone else? I think sometimes I don’t deserve good things to happen to me or for things to turn out well so I sabotage myself and start looking for problems.

Your last few sentences are how I feel. I worked in a small office.. about eight of us. Four got cancer and two passed. I sort of have this survival guilt feeling so I'm always looking for something to be wrong with me. Then I feel bad Bec I'm not and I'm waiting my life doing this. Ughhh

[Jennie048 115]

14 hours ago, Holls said:

Your last few sentences are how I feel. I worked in a small office.. about eight of us. Four got cancer and two passed. I sort of have this survival guilt feeling so I'm always looking for something to be wrong with me. Then I feel bad Bec I'm not and I'm waiting my life doing this. Ughhh

I can totally relate to losses in both the office and the family -- I work in a fairly small office and it seems over the years we have had many losses too.  One co-worker died of pancreatic cancer, one of diabetes, one of stomach cancer, another of s****de...ugh!  Also have lost my entire immediate family - dad died of cirrhosis many years ago, my sister died suddenly (not exactly sure - think of some sort of heart issue) 4 years ago, mom died two years ago with advanced dementia.  Keep thinking I'm next and looking for something to be wrong with me too.  But on the other hand -- it really does help me to stay motivated to eat healthy, exercise and keep regular doctor's appointments but also has brought on HA!  Plus having my husband who is very supportive but does grow weary of my HA and two small boys to be there for really helps.