Scared to go to College

[brit 14]

Tomorrow is my last day home before I go off to college and I'm terrified! 

Even though the college I'm attending is only about 45 minutes away from where I live I'm still so scared to be living away from home. I don't make friends easily and on top of that I'm an introvert. I like my roommate, but the thought of living with someone else in such a small space sounds so mentally exhausting. I feel like I won't have any time to myself. 

Also, I only kind of know my roommate and that's it. I know no one else at the school and I'm going to be leaving all my friends and family behind. I know I'm probably overreacting, especially because my school is so close to home, but I just keep thinking about how nothing is ever going to be the same once I leave. I know change is good, but I honestly hate change, it's one of the main things that causes me to have anxiety. 

Has anyone else gone through this? And is there anything that can help? Thank you.

[MsLLL 410]

Hi Brit! 

Congratulations on a new and exciting chapter in your life! College is another milestone among the many things you have achieved already I think it's totally ok to be scared right now, even people who don't suffer from anxiety get that way until their adjust to the new circumstance and make the best of it. And you will too! How do I know that you might wonder? Because you are already recognizing what's going on; you don't like change but life is forcing you right now to make a change. You don't like living away from home and are worried about sharing the dorm room with your room-mate. So you are aware of a bunch of things but you will take it one day at a time. When I was in College, and this was a while ago, I didn't suffer from anxiety but you know what? A lot of kids do! We openly talked about this in class (this was in the US) and there was counseling services and all if it got too bad. 

For right now, just be aware that the new situation might cause you to be uncomfortable for a little bit but go through the motions, one day at the time. You will get to go home often since it's not far. And in the meantime you will be so busy studying ( I hope! ), making friends ( you are an authentic person, there is no way you won't make friends!) and attending the occasional party

Have a great time! College is a great and wonderful experience and you will be great too! Please write in the coming weeks and tell us how you get along:) 

[Joeetaku 122]

Hi Brit,

I remember this feeling very well. I too was terrified on my first day, especially when my parents left me in my new room all by myself. Initiating conversation on the first day was tricky, but the ball really started to roll on the second, and within the week I was making loads of friends!

Maybe you've heard this a lot already, but remember that everybody there is 'in the same boat'. Sure, there will be some for whom making new friends is not a challenge, but there will be many others also scared of the challenge of doing so. But you'll also find that as a whole, the student body is more tolerant of different people types, which makes it easier to talk to people for the first time. I also remember in the first week, at least in my university, nobody had a problem with a complete stranger coming over to say hello! 

But I also want to say well done for taking this brave step doing something that is often so difficult for us socially anxious people. It's a perfect example of how we can stick up our middle finger at the fear inside us and not let it stand in the way of our progress in life. I wish you all the best. Enjoy it!

[brit 14]

Thank you both for replying. It's been about a week and a half since I've moved. The first few days were tough, I had severe homesickness and once my roommate would go to sleep I would cry until I finally would fall asleep. It's been a bit better now that I've started my classes and have made a routine. Although, I just feel lonely all the time. I haven't made any new friends. I've talked to maybe one or two other people outside from my roommate, but its only in class. After I always just spend my days and nights in my dorm. My roommate is also pretty socially anxious (sometimes I think even more than me!) but that means she's usually in the dorm all the time so I never get time to myself anymore and its so exhausting. I feel like she holds me back in a way because she never really wants to do anything and I'm always nervous to do things by myself. 

Also since I'm with her 24/7 I have found myself getting increasingly annoyed at her. The smallest thing she can do has the power to piss me off for the rest of the day. I find myself trying to avoid her as much as possible and usually eat my meals alone in the dining hall because I'd honestly rather eat alone than spend even more time with her. 

The other day she had met some guy over the internet and she had him come to our dorm and she told me they would be walking around campus, but they ended up just staying in the dorm the whole time so I had to go somewhere for an hour or two. Later I had found out she took one of my cups and let him use it (I had just done the dishes!) even though she has her own cups he could have used. I don't mind sharing things with her, but random guys from the internet, not so much. She also always makes comments about how I talk to my high school friends a lot and I admit I do, but right now they're all I have and I don't want to lose their friendship ever! She also talks on the phone super loudly when I'm trying to do my work and I can't focus at all. I know I should confront her about this, but I don't want to hurt her feelings and I don't want to cause any tension considering we have to live with each other for the next year.

The whole atmosphere of college just feels different and I don't like it. It seems the only way to really make friends is to go to parties, but I'm not a party person, there's way too many people and just sounds unpleasant. Also if you get caught, theres grounds for you to get kicked out. But people obviously party anyway and it seems theres drunk people running around every night, but since I don't do that, its like theres no way to make any friends. Everyone already has a group of friends, while I just literally spend all my time alone (technically with my roommate).

I just don't know how to cope, I'm thinking of maybe contacting the mental health care services my college offers, but I just feel like this feeling will never go away, while everyone else just seems like they're having the best time in their life. 

 

[MsLLL 410]

Hi Brit! It's good to hear from you! I'm glad it's a little bit better and you are falling into a routine. It's ok you haven't made friends yet, it just takes time and meeting the right people.  don't think there is anything wrong with you talking to your old friends, I wonder why this seems to bug her, maybe she is jealous, I don't know. That's your choice entirely who you talk to! 

Also, I was thinking, maybe down the road when you are more settled, you could consider joining a sorority? Or work for the student paper or something among those lines. Options are limitless and once you get more comfortable being there, it will be much better

Remember our mindset is important here too. How we perceive things can go a long way. If you can't right now, it's totally ok but have faith that in time things will improve, ok? 

[Joeetaku 122]

Hi Brit, yes, it's good to hear that you're getting into a routine and that that's helping.

I would like to echo what MsLLL said about helping with the student paper or similar; i.e. joining one of the clubs or societies. A lot of people at university make friends through such groups (for me it was through the Christian Union and The Japanese Society). And yes, I was anxious through the early days of attending both, but in the end, I made some really close friends who I'm still in touch with today.

Also, I strongly encourage you to receive the mental health support services offered by your college. I cannot stress this enough. My anxiety really spiked during my PhD, but it wasn't until my third year that I sought the free help my university offered. It really helped me, and I honestly wish I'd done it sooner!

[Topher Burns 4]

Hey there Britt,

It sounds like you're having a hard time, and I'd like to say that's completely normal. It's not only hard for you to meet and make friends, it is for many, many people. The problem is we don't know if what we are going to say is what the other person wants to hear. in fact, most of us feel like we are not enough on a daily basis. The simple fact is that is not true. You are enough. You're just caught up in self-doubt.

I'm an introvert myself, but many of my friends think I'm extrovert. Because I know how to enter any conversation and sound like I know what I'm talking about. I've spent years studying how the mind works and why we are the way we are. 

It sounds to me like you might murder your roomie lol. Try not to do that  But let's try to get you out of the dorm a bit.

What are your interests? I know schooling is important, but the social part of your life is also very important. That saying,"It's not what you know, it's who you know" is actually very true. 

Some other questions. What is it about people you dislike? Don't be shy. No one is going to judge you. Tear them up and if you want me to tell you what I don't like about social interactions and people in general first, just let me know. I hope to hear from you soon.

[brit 14]

Hello Topher, sorry for the late response I just saw this now!! Its been about a month since classes have started and things aren't much better. I had made some friends that actually hung out with me a few times and one of them actually would text me and invite me to go eat with her, she was actually the one who would invite me to almost everything and is the reason I started getting to go out with people. But, she just dropped out and moved back home so now she's gone and the other people do not invite me anymore and barely acknowledge I exist. Now, I'm back to square one. People will say hello to me in the hall, but everyone already has a friend group so no one invites me to do anything. I'm just so alone all the time, while everyone else is having fun with their friends and its honestly just making me really sad all the time and no one seems to understand.

[Topher Burns 4]

Hey there again Brit. I understand. It's sound very harsh what those other people are doing, but understand that they are only doing it because of habits and the habits of others. It's not that they don't like you, it's just because their other friends are around more.

You mentioned your friend ended up leaving. That sucks ?. I'm really sorry. You need to get back up and try again. The key to making friends is consistency. You almost have to just be around a lot until people are comfortable seeing you frequently. If your looking to meet new people it's best to have an event, like a Meetup or a school activity, and go to it on a schedule. Find something local and just stick with it, even if you don't think other people like you, which is most likely untrue, you should stay and try to get involved. Give your opinion and show people you want to be a part of something and they will make you a part of it.

If you can, try to find a book about being social. There's a I like called How to Talk to Anyone, and also another one called Crucial Conversations. They teach you to turn a conversation around and gain confidence.

Don't give up. I think you're doing great. 

[Drigma222 0]

Since childhood, I find it difficult to find friends. And when I went to college, it was real stress for me. I thought that I would not stay there for a long time and in a couple of weeks, I would return home. Time passed, I became friends with my neighbor and he helped me to adapt. In the end, everything went better than I thought, the study went well, but since I had friends and we constantly attended parties, I used the homework help service Edusson AU, which never failed me. The works were written splendidly and at the same time very quickly, so my friends and I quietly enjoyed ourselves without harm to education.