Can't live like this anymore!

[SweetChic 0]

Hi everyone! I'm new to this anxiety forum, and I'm hoping I can relieve some stress by chatting with people that have similar issues. I can't remember exactly when it started, but I've developed extreme health anxiety. I never used to be this scared of anything! I'm only 23 years old, and know that I am way too young to be going through this self-inflicted emotional trauma. Even though I don't remember when it began, I'm pretty sure I know where it comes from. Unfortunately, I've been to many funerals, and have had many of my loved ones die. Ever since my grandmother passed away of ovarian c****r in 2003, it seems as if my small, dwindling family has suffered at least 1 death per year. My aunt passed away of uterus c****r in 2009, and though I wasn't close to her, I was there to witness her decline. Though it seemed as if it didn't bother me as much back then, I'm totally freaking out about it now! I spend my days suppressing, or trying to suppress this unbearable c****r/death phobia. I've been to the doctor more times than anyone I know this year alone, and I'm still not convinced that I'm totally fine. I've recently been experiencing pain in my back, lower left, and upper left abdomen. I'm seeing a urologist on the 31st to address an issue I've had since a child, which is frequent urination. I've had a sonogram done of my bladder and kidney's twice, the last time being exactly 1 year ago in October of 2015 - and I recently had a sonogram of my ovaries in April (all normal). Even still, I'm horrified at the things I read online, from kidney failure to bladder c****r, and I'm driving myself and loved ones insane! I'm nervous about this random onset of pain and have almost reduced myself to hysteria on more than one occasion. I can't stop googling, crying, and over-thinking. Even sitting at the computer right now isn't enough to distract myself from constantly thinking about what this pain could be, or how scared I am to go to the doctor and find out, even though I'm more frightened of not going! Someone, anyone, please reach out with any reassuring words of advice.

[Lulu 30]

3 minutes ago, SweetChic said:

Hi everyone! I'm new to this anxiety forum, and I'm hoping I can relieve some stress by chatting with people that have similar issues. I can't remember exactly when it started, but I've developed extreme health anxiety. I never used to be this scared of anything! I'm only 23 years old, and know that I am way too young to be going through this self-inflicted emotional trauma. Even though I don't remember when it began, I'm pretty sure I know where it comes from. Unfortunately, I've been to many funerals, and have had many of my loved ones die. Ever since my grandmother passed away of ovarian c****r in 2003, it seems as if my small, dwindling family has suffered at least 1 death per year. My aunt passed away of uterus c****r in 2009, and though I wasn't close to her, I was there to witness her decline. Though it seemed as if it didn't bother me as much back then, I'm totally freaking out about it now! I spend my days suppressing, or trying to suppress this unbearable c****r/death phobia. I've been to the doctor more times than anyone I know this year alone, and I'm still not convinced that I'm totally fine. I've recently been experiencing pain in my back, lower left, and upper left abdomen. I'm seeing a urologist on the 31st to address an issue I've had since a child, which is frequent urination. I've had a sonogram done of my bladder and kidney's twice, the last time being exactly 1 year ago in October of 2015 - and I recently had a sonogram of my ovaries in April (all normal). Even still, I'm horrified at the things I read online, from kidney failure to bladder c****r, and I'm driving myself and loved ones insane! I'm nervous about this random onset of pain and have almost reduced myself to hysteria on more than one occasion. I can't stop goggling, crying, and over-thinking. Even sitting at the computer right now isn't enough to distract myself from constantly thinking about what this pain could be, or how scared I am to go to the doctor and find out, even though I'm more frightened of not going! Someone, anyone, please reach out with any reassuring words of advice.

It started with me when I was a teenager from some of my friends passing away. It eased up throughout the years then started back up about 2 years ago for me. I've been to the doctors so many times and the ER. Try to breathe and find ways to take your mind off of it. Stop googling everything because it makes it so much worse for us... try to read a book or journal your thoughts about it. It's very interesting to journal because when I look at my journal about what I wrote 6 months ago it's the same as to how I felt today. It helps to reassure you that your healthy and it's you over thinking everything. You are very young and your examinations showed you that you're healthy. 

[SweetChic 0]

Thank you! I've actually started something called a "reality book", where I create small collages on each page about positive things that are going to happen in my life, like having a family, starting my career, getting married, etc. I haven't had a chance to continue working on it in a couple of weeks, but I need to get back to it. Thank God for my boyfriend too, he helps me manage my anxiety attacks, which can get out of control if I'm left up to my own devices. & you're right about google, its my absolute downfall! There's so many bad results. Everything somehow ends up being a terminal illness.

[Valkyrie 15]

My anxiety started for me as a teen as well (I'm 21). What has been working for me is mindful meditation and low-impact yoga. Yoga has really helped me to accept my body as it is as opposed to how I THOUGHT it should be. Browse the site, I have found that leaving encouraging comments and helping others through their situations gives me better perspective of my own situations