My crazy situation

[boyuancy 1]

I'm sorry if this looks very abstract, and all over the place. I'm writing this at 2:30 a.m., and I'm feeling very miserable right now.

It probably all started when I went through a series of failures; the goals I had set for myself were never achieved, and I started to look at myself as a complete loser. It was the first time when I started distancing myself from my friends, started being alone, and all of that.

There isn't much to it, so lets just skip a few years and get to where I am in life right now. I am now in my first year of college, when I should have been in my third! Going through college everyday is becoming next to impossible, day by day. I had made a few friends right at the start, but then, winter came by and ruined everything for me. I distanced myself from a lot of them, and I am left with a very few.

Now, I still have a few friends, but they don't know why I behave the way I do, and I cannot connect with them on a deeper level. I do not go to movies with them, I avoid a lot of their hangouts, and they hate me for doing it.

Today, my first year ended, and I guess it is too late to make changes now. If I do, they might think I'm crazy. So, I've just let it be as it is.

They say college life is one of most important phases in a person's life. But I'm just throwing it away, for no good reason at all.

The situation is extremely crazy:

I can make changes, but I do not want to. I think that I will start over when my college is over, and forget about it all.

I want friends, but again, I don't want them to know about me. At least, not now.

Isn't this just insane?

[Maverickhope 0]

We all have bad times. We all have dreams that are put on hold or permenantly put in a drawer of would have beens. The past is the past worry about now. Try to focus on thing you do enjoy doing. I know none us really like being alone but sometimes it is for the best. An example is negative peer pressure. How do you know these 'friends' hate or resent you for not going to movies or out with them? College can be a great time for others it is just a steeping stone to the rest of their lives. The partiers in college are just that partiers. There are lots of college kids that don't party, but do hang out doing other things. Try to keep your chin up and doing what works best for you.

[Gilly 1086]

No its not, its something we all deal with. We can relate so much. We withdraw from society work/friends/school, even family because we feel different. The truth is a lot of people go through what we do but you don't know what is going on because people wear masks. Depression is like a grey cloud in your mind, everything you think and do is affected by it, and your emotions are all messed up. Have you seen a doctor about it?

[Quirky Jessi 2]

I don't think it's crazy at all. Maybe that's because I've been in the same position before and I don't really want to admit to being crazy? Heh. Mostly, though, I think college can be a rough time and if you don't actively want to change some things, then that's okay, too. You're obviously feeling the effects now and you want more friends, so how about making a conscious effort at the start of next year to make new friends and stick with it?

[MusicInMotion67 1]

Not crazy at all, if anything College life in itself can be crazy. The first semester is always the most difficult, but once you make it through that, you start settling into the routine, the financial aid part of it's a lot easier because you know what you're doing the second time around. Girl I've been trying to get my AA degree for the past, now get this...the past 10, yes count them 10 years dear lol. I've had to either quit or I'd drop out or just one thing after another and last time I went to enroll with my son and daughter in-law I was so stressed out thinking, I'm gonna end up dropping again, I'm gonna look like a failure to my kids, i'm gonna disappoint myself, I don't wanna be a loser, this had me so worked up that I couldn't talk right, literally could only get a few words out if I was lucky, I called my doctor from the college and he told me to get to the hospital he thought I was having a stroke that's how bad my speech was, and I felt like I was in a dream in my head (you know what I mean?) Anyway, my son drove me to the local hospital there and they admitted me, everything came back normal, it turns out I was having an anxiety attack I guess or panic attack, either way they gave me something to calm me down and my speech came back just fine. I asked the nurse what the problem was, she looked on my chart and said they have it down as a stress related panic attack. WOW big eye opener, I had no clue stress could do that to a person. And guess what? I did have to pull out because my stupid car broke down on me and I was never able to get it repaired B). Anyway, my point is, not only is the first year hard, but then you factor in your stress, anxiety/panic attacks, and depression and wow it can do a lot to a person.

Force yourself to stick it out, enroll again for next semester or fall semester, stick with it, and as for your friends, sit down and have a talk with them, explain what's going on with you, who knows you just may find out that one or more of them are experiencing the same thing and they'er just hiding it. God is a wonder and often times He'll use our life experiences to help other people, but don't allow the depression to win, stay strong and keep your head up. Call your friends to set up a day for ya'll to go out for lunch or drinks depending on your age and again, force yourself to do it. I have to force myself every week to get up and go to church, to interpret at church, then to go on monday nights and teach my class at the church. These are all things I greatly love and get tremendous satisfaction from but yet I still have to force myself to do them. Go out have fun and talk to your friends, I'm sure they'll understand, after all, it sounds like they stuck around when the others wouldn't.

[JOYCICLE 654]

When I was in college, I was not anxious at all. I lived life like a lunatic and partied. We often went to class after being up all night on various drugs and I can tell you now, 20 years later, I have no idea anything I learned in college. So what good did that do? If you 're focusing on your studies and making an effort there, then that is what college is for! Yes it's a good place to socialize and such but the actual POINT is to educate yourself. If you are educating yourself and paying attention in class then that's all you need to worry about. You've got the rest of your life to be social and make friends.

You say you don't want to make change, but it sounds as if you do. So really examine that question and figure out the answer. Do you want to make change but feel unable? Or do you actually NOT want to make change ! That is the question !