Depersonalization - please help

[tarn 51]

Hi everyone, I'm hoping someone here can help me. My daughter has recently started suffering from depersonalization. Shes 17 and has mild teenage anxiety, she worry's alot about school, friends etc the normal stuff. But when shes stressed she has these really scary episodes were she says she feels like shes not real, or shes outside her body looking in. Its like she can go in and out of it within seconds. The episodes usually only  last a short time a few seconds, but its terrifying for her. Is it some sort of panic attack?

It really frightens her. And its really frightening me. I have terrible health anxiety so of course I panicking that this is a serious thing shes going to have to deal with. I feel guilty that my anxiety has probably caused her to have anxiety. I have no idea what depersonalization is and I refuse to google it into any depth because I don't want to scare myself. I need to have some understanding of it, so I can help her through it.

Please if you suffer from this and can help me I would really appreciate it. :-)

[Gilly 1086]

Hi Tarn. So sorry to hear your daughter is going through this, don't be too hard on yourself, it's not your fault. Is she seeing anyone about her anxiety? DP is not nice but it's harmless, a symptom of an anxious/tired mind. It can be part of a panic attack, a lot of mine often start with DP or derealisation. They are similar, feeling like you are in a dream is the best way to explain DR whilst DP you don't feel real, can feel numb and detached. 

Is she having extra stress lately? Anything on her mind that's bothering her? Personally I tend to experience more episodes of DP when the seasons change, or when something big stresses me. A bit like a small shock to an already sensitive system. It may just be her age and possibly teenage hormones affecting/altering her anxiety symptoms. 

[Kylie21 357]

I have a teenage daughter (15) she has a bit of  over worry and it always makes me fear she will get anxiety like me. But one thing that us having it and being open to them does is it helps them to see it and not fear it and understand it more. DP is very common... I have not experienced it but maybe once or twice.. same thing for a few seconds.. I refer to it more like zoning out.  and as teenagers.. they worry about so much.... high school age is so hard.. like gilly said hormones and things can make it worse.. Have you thought of her trying therapy?

 

I talk openly to both my kids about my anxiety and how it affects me and how I feel. They actually have said it really helps. I hope she starts to feel better anxiety is an awful thing.. But she is lucky to have you to help her through

[lonesailor14 653]

First relax. Depersonalisation is normal in anxiety and panic and nothing to worry about. 

Secondly good on you for not googling it! 

We've discussed our theory on this in another post. I'll try to recap...

When we're anxious or panicky, blood is taken away from the 'thinking' or higher functioning part of the brain and is sent to the 'caveman' or survival part of the brain. 

This is a normal reaction to fear that all humans have, it's just anxious people are so alert and sensitive that we actually notice when it happens.  

We perceive a threat (real or imagined) and go into fight or flight mode. Sometimes just midly, sometimes extremely. It's involuntary but it's been built into humans since the dawn of time to keep us safe. Depersonalisation is a symptom of this. But don't panic! It's ok, you can still function. The 'thinking' part of the brain is still there it just feels like an effort to try and use it to talk some sense into the situation and calm down. I'd suggest letting her know it's normal and if she feels it to relax, realise 'caveman brain has kicked in' give it time and it will pass. It always does. 

Adding more fear about how you feel will just perpetuate the anxiety and your poor body keeps thinking it's under threat, kicking in fight or flight because it thinks it's under threat. 

To tackle it your daughter may need some cognitive behaviour therapy. This teaches you to change the way you think. Because all anxiety comes from thoughts. If you can learn to change your perception of the thought, you lose the anxiety. 

In the meantime, don't add more fear, fearing this symptom.  It's normal, it will pass. Remember your 'thinking' brain is still there, its just a bit muffled. It always wins in the end. 

I hope this helps a bit. Relax, your daughter is not ill or broken. It's a normal reaction to an anxious situation. 

[Ryukil 10]

Hi Tarn,

Here's the absolute best advice I can give you which will set your daughter on the road to recovery. Tell her to read:

Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Claire Weekes

At Last a Life by Paul David

Anyone who has ever recovered from DP has done it by accepting the feelings and no longer trying to get rid of them. DP is caused by anxiety and worry, and then people become anxious and worried about the DP itself and that keeps it going. So the only way to get rid of it is to just let it be there and pay it no mind. It's just a weird feeling, it means nothing other than your brain is tired.

[tarn 51]

Thanks guys, where would I be without you all. It means the world to me to have you all here for support. You have put my mind at ease and now I can focus on helping my daughter through her dp and anxiety.

Much love to you all :-) x