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No One At Home Understands

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Hi everyone,

I was recently diagnosed with PSTD and Panic Attack Disorder. I'd been experiencing the panic attacks since I was 16 but I never sought help until this year after my health really started to deteriorate and my friends became worried. I'm here because I want to find people who understand and care. I'm Asian, and some might wonder what that has to do with anything but it has to do with everything. Mental health is a topic that Asian families and society just doesn't know anything about or want to know anything about. I'm also Christian and that plays a lot into my frustration with my family. My home doesn't really feel like home anymore because of all of the issues going on and just being home puts me in a constant heightened state. 

When I was younger, I didn't know what was happening to me when I'd have a panic attack. I just thought I was crying and my parents thought I was crazy. The most recent occurrence happened while I was in the car with my parents. I wanted to open the door and jump out because I couldn't handle being in the car with them anymore. I wanted to get away. While I was having a panic attack, I was trying to explain to my parents how they could help but they didn't seem to understand what I was saying. Eventually, my mom told me to just "calm down" and my dad laughed out of annoyance, saying that I always do this. I began having a full blown panic attack and my parents yelled at me. Eventually, I calmed down a bit but began again when my mom started to play a sermon about anxiety. I hate it when people tell me to pray about it. To pray the anxiety away. As if one prayer could "fix" it. As if I didn't already try that. My mom says she wants to know how to help me but when I tell her, she goes and does something else which triggers my panic attacks instead. 

Literally choking up as I write all of this. I just want to find people who understand... I'm so tired of not being understood. I'm so tired of being called crazy when I have panic attacks, as if I want this for myself. 

- Z

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I get it. I've found that unless someone has had anxiety or panic themselves they are never going to understand. Some people can be sympathetic and try to understand but most have no clue and end up saying things that don't help at all. Like "pull your socks up and get on with it" or "just get over it" or "calm down". Haha yeah ok, why didn't I try that years ago? If I could tell myself "just calm down" or "get over it" I would. If any of that actually worked I wouldn't have this problem! 

I don't talk to these people. I don't harbour bad thoughts or Ill will towards them, I just don't discuss my disorder with them very deeply. I do however have friends that do get it because they suffer themselves and we talk to each other and try to help each other. I also come here to AC and talk to people who really get it and won't judge. 

Not talking to someone about it does not mean you should be ashamed or hide your illness. It's more of a protective thing. Those people can make you miserable without meaning to, but they do. So I choose not to go there and stick to talking with people who get it. 

With the internet you're never alone with a problem. You can easily find like minded people to chat with. You can also research and study what has helped other people. Here's a website that helped me a lot . Also read, read, read Dr Claire Weekes work. Another really great book is DARE by Barry McDonagh. I got the audiobook and it really helped. Good luck ZPV😊

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