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I'm a long time sufferer of OCD, depression and anxiety. I'm a 58 year old woman who lives in the United States. A lot of my support system has evaporated in the last several months. I was a frequent user of the now defunct Anxiety Zone site which helped a lot. I attended a NAMI connections support group for 5 years which disbanded last year. One dear friend has been unreachable due to her mental illness - doesn't return my calls anymore. Another is having a lot of health problems and so she is not very available to get together. I lost my beloved cat last year, he was 18 years old and had end stage pancreatitis. I have 2 new cats which are good cats but they are not so bonded to me like my Rusty was. I myself am having more physical limitations so I can't just be on the go for very long. In short I have too much time on my hands and not enough to do to fill it. I've only been getting out about once a week except for doctor appointments and short errands. I feel very lonely and at loose ends. I hope to make some friends on this site and maybe in time an email penpal or 2. I'm liberal and have a zany sense of humor. Thank you Gilly for this site. There seems to be less and less resources for people with mental illness.

I am really tired. Tired of questioning myself if I am imagining this sad feeling in the pit of my stomach, shivering body, aches and the need to cry when everything in my life is fine according to the socially accepted norms. All I want to do is sit and cry and I can't explain why. I have been on anti depressants and while the good days have increased, the bad days really take me to the abyss. I now empathize with people who commit s****de. I am sick of hearing that voice that says I am good for nothing and that dissolving my existence will solve everything. I love my work, so much that ups and downs at work dictate my personal life. I am doing well, but burnt out and break down too often. I haven't cried as much as I have cried in this year. Am I mad? What is happening? Is this something that I am imagining? Please help. I am tired of looking at faces who want to help me but don't understand what is going through in me. Pl help!