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Hi, I went to study abroad when I was 18, everything was very scary at first until I met my former boyfriend that made my life so much easier. We were together for 3 years, during the second one I had my first anxiety crisis, I didn't know what was happening to me, I was shaking, I couldn't breath, a neighbor called an ambulance and my boyfriend. I felt so stupid when they told me I was okay. Ever since that day I haven't been the same. I was feeling very lonely that summer and I kissed with two guys to feel better I guess and be able to stay with my bf. I think the anxiety got a bit worse when I started feeling like I was too dependant on my boyfriend. I tried to do everything by myself from that moment on and the relationship got boring. When I decided to break up I was crying everyday, then I met a guy that liked me, we kissed, and that allowed me to finally break up. That was three months ago. I've been with the guy I kissed for two months now, I really like him but I am very insecure about the relationship because I don't want to be with somebody just because I'm afraid of being alone and I sincerely don't know if that's the case. I just went abroad to do a small internship and I already kissed a guy. I always tell everybody that I am in a relationship, specially if someone is flirting, but it's my only defense mechanism, those four guys didn't care and I felt like I had to kiss them, my heart starts pounding, I begin sweating cold, and I get a great sense of relief after the kiss. I have been thinking about going to see a therapist but I am a student and I don't have any money. I don't know what do to. I don't know if anyone is going to reply or if you are going to say horrible things. But if someone can explain to me what is going on and what can I do, I will try my best, I promise. I have this great fear of marrying someone and being unfaithful, I need to fix this.

Hi, I went to study abroad when I was 18, everything was very scary at first until I met my former boyfriend that made my life so much easier. We were together for 3 years, during the second one I had my first anxiety crisis, I didn't know what was happening to me, I was shaking, I couldn't breath, a neighbor called an ambulance and my boyfriend. I felt so stupid when they told me I was okay. Ever since that day I haven't been the same. I was feeling very lonely that summer and I kissed with two guys to feel better I guess and be able to stay with my bf. I think the anxiety got a bit worse when I started feeling like I was too dependant on my boyfriend. I tried to do everything by myself from that moment on and the relationship got boring. When I decided to break up I was crying everyday, then I met a guy that liked me, we kissed, and that allowed me to finally break up. That was three months ago. I've been with the guy I kissed for two months now, I really like him but I am very insecure about the relationship because I don't want to be with somebody just because I'm afraid of being alone and I sincerely don't know if that's the case. I just went abroad to do a small internship and I already kissed a guy. I always tell everybody that I am in a relationship, specially if someone is flirting, but it's my only defense mechanism, those four guys didn't care and I felt like I had to kiss them, my heart starts pounding, I begin sweating cold, and I get a great sense of relief after the kiss. I have been thinking about going to see a therapist but I am a student and I don't have any money. I don't know what do to. I don't know if anyone is going to reply or if you are going to say horrible things. But if someone can explain to me what is going on and what can I do, I will try my best, I promise. I have this great fear of marrying someone and being unfaithful, I need to fix this.