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Hello all again. I really am sorry to sound like a "broken record" repeating myself but, im really starting to feel like im in a balance between controlling my anxiety and feeling like im loosing my mind. So lately the past few days haven't been as bad as they could be. Heck I was actually feeling pretty happy at points through the day today and yesterday. Heres the thing anytime I start to feel good and overpower the anxiety I just start thinking "bad" things and scare myself back to where I was. Like a few hours ago I was feeling pretty happy looking forward to the weekend and finished some jobs around my house. Then im lying in bed and I start thinking things like "am I really feeling right?" or a new though that's got me going the past few days is "Im 18 I don't have a job im not in school so what am I going to do with my life?" then the "you only live for so long" thought pops in and I just loose it. Like full on burning sensation shaking sweating panic attack. . Why does thinking of what I want to do with my life scare me so bad? I have a lot of different career paths im trying to choose but I keep thinking im gonna choose the wrong one and not be happy with my career down the road. These thoughts on top of the health related ones and me looping the thought has been making panic attacks pretty strong. So I can say I did have a decent day today as I was able to get out and do things but once I start thinking these thoughts that's it I just lost control and its scary. I keep thinking im gonna be like this all my life and not be able to get out and go places or anything. Like this weekend Im supposed to go enjoy some delayed 4th of july fireworks with my 9 year old nephew and I just keep thinking about how im gonna be out of my house for to long and have lots of anxiety because of my overthinking and stuff. Anyways Im trying to take control of anxiety instead of vise versa. I OWN my brain and right now Anxiety and Panic are just co-owners and im about to lay them off. Im just sick and tired of living my life like this. Anyways sorry for another long rant but it really feels good to let it out. Thanks for reading in advanced. Also missed my med today so I may be feeling something from that.