Hey JaneGrey, Thanks for sharing.. I can relate to having tried different medications over the years and experiencing some horrible side effects and I'm sorry this has been your experience too. Some of what you're going through sounds really tough. I know for me personally it has been a trial and error type scenario to finding the right medication.... which took time (im still not there yet) . However my suggestion would be to not give up work alongside your doctor and eventually you should find the right medication for you to help make things more manageable. I find exercise and hydration really helps just on the general day to day basis with any form of mental health issue. As for the do i really need meds part.. you know yourself better than anyone I'd encourage you to keep moving forward and not give up... its a question only you can answer and if you choose to continue on the path of meds i would suggest speaking to your doctor about finding medication that can be more than just a one off script.
All the best, LX