miknugget

I've come to notice that in the middle of my work day I have a complete mood shift and I can't figure out why. I have a manic bipolar diagnosis and I've definitely been more depressed all around the past few days but this mood change stays persistent even thru mania. I'm just very confused. My diagnosis was never fully explained to me so I'm still attempting to figure it out. Is this a separated symptoms? Pls help. I want to throw my keyboard through the window and just about to be in hysterics. What can I do just to be all around happy? fhjdrhkj ahhhhh

If she is open to talking with me, I am more than willing! I would love to have an opportunity to talk with her. Please let me know if she wants to talk! Thank you sooo much for even offering

Thank you, I was thinking the same. Maybe once I'm settled in by the end of this weekend at least some of the symptoms will alleviate. I don't really have anyone but my mother, I have such a hard time explaining to people what's going on in my life. Like, I freeze up whenever I get asked what's bothering me. The only thing I can say half the time is "nothing's wrong". I'm trying to head towards the light but I'm so fearful I'll get pulled right back into the shadows if life continues to go on like this for me. I don't have any kind of reservations but my greatest fear is getting so out of line with myself I go back. It's not something I dwell on, I just know the probability might be a little higher for me.

Hi mik! Welcome to the boards. First off, early TS > anything post-Speak Now. I'm sorry to hear what all you're going through. It sounds like a "when it rains, it pours" kinda situation. And there are few things worse than a pet getting sick. My rescue shih-poo got sick last year (bladder stones), which took a considerable toll on me once it was all said and done (along with a $700+ vet bill). It's heartbreaking, because we can't really explain to them why they hurt or that it will pass. My wife said I took things harder than the dog, and I'm inclined to believe here. As for the numb sensations: welcome to the club. Everything you described is 100% textbook physical manifestations of anxiety. I've had the numbness, along with buzzing, burning, tingling, you name it. In fact, two weeks ago I was convinced I'd messed up a nerve in my thigh because my upper leg burned off and on for two days. And then it just stopped, because that's how anxiety works. And the not being able to catch your breath and getting dizzy? It totally sounds like you're hyperventilating. Even when our anxiety isn't at just outright devastating levels, we react to it in very subtle ways. One of those is shallow breathing. I know I'm doing it because I have a very mild cough (throat dries out). When it's a bit heavier, we can make ourselves dizzy. And the blue fingers totally sound like a not getting enough oxygen kinda thing. Do you see a therapist? Because your situation doesn't sound like just anxiety. Most of the time, people who are anxious tend to be depressed as well, and that "hopelessness" you mentioned is a tell-tale sign of being down in the dumps. If you don't see someone, maybe it's time to do so. Again, welcome. Hope this helps ?

I don't know where else to go for help. I have been truly suffering in ways I never have before. Let me put it out there that I am almost 3 years into recovery and have turned my life around completely since I put the needle down. I got a new car, my first apartment and a ful-time min. wage paying job. So living large if we're talking upper-lower class. Or whatever you want to call it when you're in the infancy stages of adulthood. Bullshit - if you will. I worked so very hard to get myself in that position. I thought I was golden and good to go. I was so wrong In the past 6 months my life has just erupted into chaos. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years who I was living with and decided then I would start my life over. This is also when I started experiencing my anxiety a lot more intensely. I truly believe it is nothing but a good thing that him and I are apart, I thought I would finally be happy and focus on myself. In breaking up with him, I have to move. To an apartment. By myself. Just me and my frenchie. I'm nervous, short of excited, and obviously overwhelmed. My dog got sick for the first time last week and it destroyed me. My car is now falling apart and funds are low. I am currently undergoing several tests for my digestive system because I haven't been able to eat without turning feverish for months on end. (Likely not related to my anxiety). However, my health has spiraled down drastically resulting in a total weight loss of about 80 lbs (I was heavier, I'm at a "normal" BMI now).I started a new job hoping it would lessen my stress levels - which it did to a certain degree. I guess when I'm writing it out there really isn't too much on my table but a lot of change at once seems to be very overwhelming. I will admit that I have a lot of good things going for me. I am trying so hard to stay positive but my negative attitude won't get out of my way. I have tried to push my negative energy out and remain hopeful but I have this bottomless pit of emptiness inside of me. I feel like I could choke on air at any given second and I don't know when I'm going to start crying again. I've yet to process a lot of what's going on mainly because I'm just not sure how to deal with it. Everything is just so new and unnerving. It seems like the second I start to surface my reality inside of me the whole world comes crashing on me. I've had panic attacks since I got delivered from my mothers womb. It's common for me to get shaken up, freeze, or just straight up turn to hysterics. What concerns me the most and something that I hope somebody might have some kind of answer to is: I have been getting this numbing sensation in my left leg and my right arm a few times over the past few weeks. It begins with me not being able to catch my breath, or focus on just what is in front of me. (It is has happened twice while driving). In time, my fingers start to turn blue and I get dizzier and dizzier and can't seem to catch myself before I start a screaming fit. It's like I'm reaching out my arm for someone to take it and they're just letting me sink into sand. I just need help. I am young, ambitious, and capable and my anxiety is holding me back from showing my true colors and being whomever it is that I am meant to be. I might add that I take 25mg of Adderall in the morning and 4 doses of 300mg Gabapentin throughout the day. Among vitamins as well.