shea7692

Always on Guard: I used to live in the States; I'm originally from Florida. Been in the UK since late 2007 and it's been hell since we came here. I don't need a psychiatric hold, I just need to be able to go out so I can get my own place. I honestly can't go out. I've tried so many times and can't get further then the end of my street I've only been able to go to hospital appointments and check ups for baby, but other than that...I physically can't do it. I don't know why. Craig's helping me so much, but it's taking too long. It's such a huge struggle :'( xx

I'm not a minor unfortunately; I'm 21 and severely agoraphobic which means I can't leave the house. Social NEVER listened to me when I was underage. Neither do the Police. I've tried everything over the years but nobody believes me cause he puts on the nice act. All because he's got a job that pays over £50,000 a year and is a 'model citizen', and because I have a mental illness, I get disregarded. I get bullied in AND out of home; I'm terrified to go out because everyone round here absolutely hates me and they WILL say/do something, pregnant or not. I'm not making this up, it's true. Can't even begin to describe the hatred people have for me here, even though I tried to mend bridges. I want to get out but I can't. The only other way is this. I'm sorry I hate to sound 'attention seeking' or whatever, but I just. I'm desperate. My fiance is in bits cause he's seen me harm myself tonight; I didn't mean for him to see that...I wasn't thinking.

More verbal, mental, emotional abuse off my Dad. My head feels so messed up from everything over the years that has just piled up and up and it's literally like...All I can think about is beating the cr** out of him or k*lling him or myself. So much rage and hurt inside I just can't even think straight. He piles it on, on top of everything, but he doesn't care. Literally does.not.care. Life's all about him and what he wants, and he will twist EVERYTHING to make me look bad, and then calls me mental, saying I need to "be taken away by men in white coats, and thrown in a padded cell." I'm sick of the threats to hit me, throw me out and make me homeless, making me feel inadequate, wishing I wasn't born. I already feel those things...I've been bullied my whole life by almost everyone in my entire grade at school, and always had to come home to this. Over the years it's gotten worse and I swear one day I'll be driven to either sui**de or m**der. I'm a good person but everything is turning me more and more evil and sour and I can't do it anymore. There's only one escape for me and I need to take it. No one ever, EVER believes me or helps me with him, and even the minority who do can't change what he does to me. I can't do this anymore...I'm so sorry.

I hope so, but am terrified of meeting new people; they all turn out the same. They all leave and turn into nasties... Thank you xx

Apologies again for not coming on here often. With the pregnancy and all the grief I've had lately, I need my friends now more than ever, but nowadays, since splitting from my ex in June, I have nobody left. I have online friends and spend all day talking to them 'cause they are so nice to me and can relate. However, I have my fiance, who I am fine being around, but I cannot see friends without having panic attacks. Even talking on the phone now gives me panic attacks! I can't go out either because of the agoraphobia Truthfully, I know those heartless bullies have done this to me. I've spent my whole life feeling inadequate and caring what people think about me and say about me; I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. Nobody has anything positive to say about me round here anymore; I'm literally the most hated person in my town, and probably neighboring towns now, too! People seem to think I'm a "bully", "liar", "evil" etc. but I'm not...I just want to be liked and accepted. I tried too hard in the past to be liked and to fit in, but they wouldn't see the good in me. I got so defensive over their negative comments and accusations because it just got to me so much and I know I did nothing wrong to them; people just piled on and piled on and listened to rumors, and now this. I hate people, yet I still want friends and people to realize I AM good. I'm so alone nowadays and scared...I feel like I have no one anymore. Literally alone.

Thank you I don't know what her problem is? I've done nothing but be a friend to her until she started this...Ended up getting so stressed and worked up that I got pains and needed an emergency ultrasound at hospital to check everything was okay. :/ Panic attack galore!! Everything is okay though; I'm 5 weeks and it seems to be healthy (how they can tell at that size, I don't know?) Daddy cried LOL xD Been told to take it easy and stay relaxed and eliminate anything that causes stress. Police have been to see her; they left a message while we were gone and she's been told to stop contacting us etc. and for the threats, they apparently were very strong about that. Thank you for your kind words xx

Yeah...You're right. We called them, and because I'm pregnant they're taking it a lot more seriously than they would if I wasn't. We now have her brother whom we have never met or spoken to either, harassing us and calling us rude names, saying he'll hunt us down and beat the he** out of us for "bullying" her, and that we need to go k**l ourselves and the baby and jump off a bridge!!. She is so twisted to feed him such absolute tosh! Oh well... We haven't responded to anything they've sent; kept all the evidence though. Police officer should be here within the next few minutes... Thank you so much for your help xx

Hi, thanks for your reply. I'm a little apprehensive to call the police; they are incredibly useless round here, and I'm worried they will just brush it off with a warning, and it's not like we have any evidence other than the calls and a voicemail she left saying she's coming over, but we thought it was an empty threat... I'm thankful to C for jumping to my defense in protective fiance/daddy mode, but I'm worried about him too; he's quite sensitive himself and not really a fighter. This has affected him too... Thanks again x

An update to this post: Said girl bombarded me and my fiance with calls all morning because we blocked her number. She then turned up at my door, whilst fiance and I were cuddled up in bed for a lazy Saturday, and proceeded to tell us that we are 'childish and pathetic' for ignoring her, and saying she's 'entitled to her opinion and can say what she wants and she's not going to apologize because she's right.' And I'm apparently 'too mental for a baby' too and she then went on to tell C why she hates him so much, even though this is literally the first time they've ever met or spoken!? He told her we're not interested in her games or childish behavior and asked her to leave, but she continued to insult us. I eventually told her I want her out of my house and to stop contacting us; she's not going to get her way and she's no friend of mine. She then went to slap me but C got in the way, before physically escorting her out. I'm shaking...I can't understand why someone who calls themself my friend would go to such extremes? She continued to yell at my closed front door for a few seconds before storming up the road, doing something on her phone. I'm terrified that she has in fact called Social Services now, even though I am still only early on in the pregnancy. We didn't attack her or provoke her in any way; she came to us. I don't know what to do...She's completely ruined what was meant to be a happy time for us :'( Does anyone have any advice please? x

I think I know what you mean? I get this too. Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea what it could be, other than a sub-conscious stress/anxiety symptom? As long as you know that it isn't related to your heart or circulatory system or anything, then that is reassuring at least. What I do is just take deep breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth, and make sure I'm comfortable and relaxed when doing so. I'm sorry I could not be much more help, but hope you don't have to suffer this much longer. x

Oh I see...What a pain! Thank God for the blocking feature! Thank you, I'll try not to. These are the first couple good things to happen to me in a long, long time. I don't want anyone to ruin it for me... I'll stay well away from her; I didn't do anything to provoke her...She found out from someone else, and called me to give me an ultimatum. But she's not going to win. Thank you x

She does; I've had enough drama and negativity to last me a lifetime...Literally! If she was my 'friend', she'd leave me to it, or be supportive, not tell me to call off my engagement to the man I love or abort our baby! I'm probably only a couple weeks pregnant, but I love it already; we both do. (He can't keep his hand off my stomach even though it's obviously still flat as a board lol! Bless him.) I don't know about her Dad...If that's his job, he might listen, especially as it's his daughter? I have no idea...But no, I've no intention of letting our baby come to any harm or suffering. I don't want it having the life I've had - I wouldn't wish that on anybody! So if Social are called, I will be so mad! Oh God, really? How on earth did they get your number?! Insane...a company pretending to be T-mobile keep calling me, so I blocked them too. It's a wonderful feature, isn't it? ^__^ LOL xx

Thank you so much! :) Yeah, she did say something...I know her Dad used to work for social services, and she said "Ka, you've been s*****al and self-harming. I think social really need to know so they can keep an eye on you. What would happen if you got all depressed and wanted to k**l yourself again? For your child's own good, they need to know." I don't know what she was getting at; whether she would call them or not? But my fiance went crazy at her and told her to mind her own business and let us live our lives and as my friend, she shouldn't be talking to me the way she does, and I agree! I never do it to her! Luckily, I have iOS 7 on my phone now, so I can block numbers (thank you Apple; at long last!!) And I blocked her, but she still has my home number and calls up, making my parents pass me the phone, just so she can yell at me for blocking her. She kept going on about how new my relationship is and how 'young' I am (I'm 21...not 12) but the truth is I am in love with my man and he's the same; I can tell by the way he treats me like I'm made of gold or something! I agree, it's spiteful and I'm terrified she will tip off her Dad...Some 'friend' huh? I barely have any these days but that's okay with me to be honest. LOL Sorry...Rambling again! Thank you for the support xx

Sorry, I don't know why the photos posted multiple times?? *

Hi everyone, Apologies for not posting in a while... My Aunt died and we had my Uncle stay with us for a couple weeks until after the funeral. Then a friend gave me grief, and so much has happened. Home is kind of getting better-ish for now... But my boyfriend has been there for me throughout and he's been amazing! And yesterday afternoon, he set up a really romantic proposal at my house and of course, I accepted! So now, he's my fiance! Also, a few hours after that, because I'd been feeling so crappy lately (and I thought it was down to stress!), he bought me a pregnancy test which we took together, and I'm pregnant! We were both shocked but really pleased, and he's been great and so caring already. That has to be the best day of my life so far. I've had a friend give me grief about it all already, though, and vocally state her opinion that we are 'moving too fast' and telling me to call off the engagement and wait, or abort our baby, but the truth is, I don't want to. Neither does my fiance; I know it's early, but we feel ready. (And to be honest, she doesn't have much luck with men, so my O.H thinks she's jealous. I don't know? She's acting spiteful anyway.) Shockingly, my parents have been really good about it!? Anyhow...That's why I haven't been around, and it's kind of given me a little more hope; I have something to live for now. Of course, my illnesses will never be gone, and I'm still battling. I'm hoping that Social Services don't take our baby away; I'd never dream of hurting it or letting it suffer like I've had to, and my O.H is the same! He loves kids! I just don't trust people not to call them on me... Anyway, I've rambled enough. Sorry...I just wanted to share my news with you. Sorry if this was the wrong area? It's not a success story, but it's given me hope and some inspiration to carry on, that's for sure! Thank you also to those of you who talked to me a couple weeks ago through my really dark time; I felt so low then. It really meant a lot to me xxx - Kala xx

I never saw what they looked like, but I wouldn't have gotten offended. It's a costume, and it wasn't made to offend anyone It's not like the manufacturer thought; "Ooh, I feel like offending some mentally ill people, let's make a Halloween costume to do so!" I offend pretty easily to be honest and get defensive (if you know why, you'd understand lol), but that would not offend me in the slightest. I wouldn't even give it a second thought. Agree with ArrowHawk; common sense really isn't that common. x

They just started yelling at me again over something trivial. I have a sleeping disorder too, where I am physically unable to sleep at night, but sleep all day, and if I don't get sleep, my body will collapse even if I'm doing something! Guess what they've labelled that as? Yep...'Laziness'. Another reason to shout at me. I just can't do this anymore. I have no way out of this except the obvious; I'm so desperate to get out but no one can help me. They make me feel like ending it all, and I get bullied too. Feel like screaming, ruining my arms, ending my life...I am physically unable to take their verbal abuse anymore.

Thank you xx My doctor and therapist are helping, but it's still so difficult. I have practically no friends left because they keep screwing me over or leaving me! I'm so alone, and I can't even turn to my family... I'm trying to feel better in myself before I tackle my agoraphobia which my therapist, doctor, grandparents and boyfriend have all agreed is the best idea for me, but my parents won't have it! They just want me out and in their words; 'to be normal'!! My Dad keeps saying they'll (doctors and police) chuck me in Swandean (local mental hospital) but I don't need that!!! My doctor even said I'm not bad enough for that. I'm just agoraphobic and depressed and fed up with my fail of a life. I don't think there is a light. Everything is so dark...It annoys me SO MUCH when people think I'm 'enjoying' this or making it up for 'attention'. I want to kill them :/ It makes me so mad and I end up flying off the handle at them. It drives me insane cause people think everything I have gone through/do is for 'attention'!? I'm hurt, angry, depressed...I want to get out but don't know how. I'm doing everything I can but it's still not good enough. Honestly think I should give up...

I didn't know who else to turn to... Have had the week from hell (actually, the last 10/11 years from hell, but this week has been the icing on the cake!) My aunt died last Sunday, hamster died (which is probably nothing to some people), found out I was pregnant and miscarried all in the same week, and have had certain 'friends' making life difficult for me. My boyfriend and I are devastated, (even though it's early in our relationship and certain 'methods' didn't work!) It was still a baby...Kind of. But today has just pushed me to the limit. I've had a terrible decade to say the very least and things just keep piling up and piling up, and as soon as something gets better, it gets worse again and something else happens! Today, my parents decided to verbally and emotionally abuse me again. They absolutely REFUSE to see that this is their fault, and am insistent that I have an 'attitude problem'. I'm sorry, but I've always been a polite person and quite introverted, but if people bully me nowadays, I will stand up for myself (which is when they then turn it around on me and make it my fault!) My parents are a prime example of this. They make me feel like absolute cr** and then when I stand up for myself, they make me feel even worse and threaten to kick me out. I am agoraphobic! I can't leave the house! They even go so far as to say I am 'enjoying' having agoraphobia, and apparently it is 'convenient' for me! I fail to see how, as I'm trapped here with the likes of them an unable to meet people and do anything I want to do! They seem to think I don't want to get better enough. Which I do. I get guilt tripped about everything and made to feel like the worst person in the world and some scummy lowlife. I ended up h*rming myself. I'm at a total loss now...I'm always losing people and my family are just evil. I can't go on anymore. I don't know what to do...Everything is caving in and I feel suffocated and keep crying. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me...If it's taken 11 years and still getting worse, what does that say about the rest of my life? I just...Can't. I don't know. Sorry for rambling x

Miss83- You're welcome. I just hope I can help/support any way I can. Yes, I love him haha! Yep, they air it here. I'm originally from the US, so I started watching season 1 over there and carried on over here But I digress...If you can, do what I do and when you feel strong enough, ease yourself for a little walk up your street or something. Just as far as you feel comfortable. Personally, I find it's easier to go alone; I don't trust other people because in the past, they have made me try to go further, and it's given me a panic attack and then they get moody. It may not be the same for you, but if it helps to have a safe person to go with you, then give it a shot? Distraction works too, like checking your phone, listening to music (unless you're crossing a busy street, of course!) Just step by step and don't let anyone push you. Just go when you're ready and comfortable. xx Jonathan - Sorry I haven't been posting. I've been online every so often, just unsure of what to say You're absolutely right about the comparison to a broken leg. People just ignorantly believe that for any ailment to "exist", it has to be visible! A lot of small-minded people around! If they knew the statistics of how many people mental health illnesses affects, they might be less ignorant lol! Oh don't get me started on what they say! Haha we could be here a while Thank you. I am here, just silently floating! x

Hi Miss83! I'm new here too! I'm going through exactly the same things as you, and it really is hard to cope, especially when others are less than understanding and almost feel as if they can't even try to understand or empathize? You're not alone in any of this...I know it's not much help, but I can hardly give advice as I am stuck in the exact same situation! But please know I am here if you need to talk and need someone to listen, if that is any comfort at all? I hope it is; we all need someone who can listen and relate, right? Take care xx