shea7692

Always on Guard: I used to live in the States; I'm originally from Florida. Been in the UK since late 2007 and it's been hell since we came here. I don't need a psychiatric hold, I just need to be able to go out so I can get my own place. I honestly can't go out. I've tried so many times and can't get further then the end of my street I've only been able to go to hospital appointments and check ups for baby, but other than that...I physically can't do it. I don't know why. Craig's helping me so much, but it's taking too long. It's such a huge struggle :'( xx

I'm not a minor unfortunately; I'm 21 and severely agoraphobic which means I can't leave the house. Social NEVER listened to me when I was underage. Neither do the Police. I've tried everything over the years but nobody believes me cause he puts on the nice act. All because he's got a job that pays over £50,000 a year and is a 'model citizen', and because I have a mental illness, I get disregarded. I get bullied in AND out of home; I'm terrified to go out because everyone round here absolutely hates me and they WILL say/do something, pregnant or not. I'm not making this up, it's true. Can't even begin to describe the hatred people have for me here, even though I tried to mend bridges. I want to get out but I can't. The only other way is this. I'm sorry I hate to sound 'attention seeking' or whatever, but I just. I'm desperate. My fiance is in bits cause he's seen me harm myself tonight; I didn't mean for him to see that...I wasn't thinking.

More verbal, mental, emotional abuse off my Dad. My head feels so messed up from everything over the years that has just piled up and up and it's literally like...All I can think about is beating the cr** out of him or k*lling him or myself. So much rage and hurt inside I just can't even think straight. He piles it on, on top of everything, but he doesn't care. Literally does.not.care. Life's all about him and what he wants, and he will twist EVERYTHING to make me look bad, and then calls me mental, saying I need to "be taken away by men in white coats, and thrown in a padded cell." I'm sick of the threats to hit me, throw me out and make me homeless, making me feel inadequate, wishing I wasn't born. I already feel those things...I've been bullied my whole life by almost everyone in my entire grade at school, and always had to come home to this. Over the years it's gotten worse and I swear one day I'll be driven to either sui**de or m**der. I'm a good person but everything is turning me more and more evil and sour and I can't do it anymore. There's only one escape for me and I need to take it. No one ever, EVER believes me or helps me with him, and even the minority who do can't change what he does to me. I can't do this anymore...I'm so sorry.

I hope so, but am terrified of meeting new people; they all turn out the same. They all leave and turn into nasties... Thank you xx

Apologies again for not coming on here often. With the pregnancy and all the grief I've had lately, I need my friends now more than ever, but nowadays, since splitting from my ex in June, I have nobody left. I have online friends and spend all day talking to them 'cause they are so nice to me and can relate. However, I have my fiance, who I am fine being around, but I cannot see friends without having panic attacks. Even talking on the phone now gives me panic attacks! I can't go out either because of the agoraphobia Truthfully, I know those heartless bullies have done this to me. I've spent my whole life feeling inadequate and caring what people think about me and say about me; I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. Nobody has anything positive to say about me round here anymore; I'm literally the most hated person in my town, and probably neighboring towns now, too! People seem to think I'm a "bully", "liar", "evil" etc. but I'm not...I just want to be liked and accepted. I tried too hard in the past to be liked and to fit in, but they wouldn't see the good in me. I got so defensive over their negative comments and accusations because it just got to me so much and I know I did nothing wrong to them; people just piled on and piled on and listened to rumors, and now this. I hate people, yet I still want friends and people to realize I AM good. I'm so alone nowadays and scared...I feel like I have no one anymore. Literally alone.

Thank you I don't know what her problem is? I've done nothing but be a friend to her until she started this...Ended up getting so stressed and worked up that I got pains and needed an emergency ultrasound at hospital to check everything was okay. :/ Panic attack galore!! Everything is okay though; I'm 5 weeks and it seems to be healthy (how they can tell at that size, I don't know?) Daddy cried LOL xD Been told to take it easy and stay relaxed and eliminate anything that causes stress. Police have been to see her; they left a message while we were gone and she's been told to stop contacting us etc. and for the threats, they apparently were very strong about that. Thank you for your kind words xx

Yeah...You're right. We called them, and because I'm pregnant they're taking it a lot more seriously than they would if I wasn't. We now have her brother whom we have never met or spoken to either, harassing us and calling us rude names, saying he'll hunt us down and beat the he** out of us for "bullying" her, and that we need to go k**l ourselves and the baby and jump off a bridge!!. She is so twisted to feed him such absolute tosh! Oh well... We haven't responded to anything they've sent; kept all the evidence though. Police officer should be here within the next few minutes... Thank you so much for your help xx

Hi, thanks for your reply. I'm a little apprehensive to call the police; they are incredibly useless round here, and I'm worried they will just brush it off with a warning, and it's not like we have any evidence other than the calls and a voicemail she left saying she's coming over, but we thought it was an empty threat... I'm thankful to C for jumping to my defense in protective fiance/daddy mode, but I'm worried about him too; he's quite sensitive himself and not really a fighter. This has affected him too... Thanks again x

An update to this post: Said girl bombarded me and my fiance with calls all morning because we blocked her number. She then turned up at my door, whilst fiance and I were cuddled up in bed for a lazy Saturday, and proceeded to tell us that we are 'childish and pathetic' for ignoring her, and saying she's 'entitled to her opinion and can say what she wants and she's not going to apologize because she's right.' And I'm apparently 'too mental for a baby' too and she then went on to tell C why she hates him so much, even though this is literally the first time they've ever met or spoken!? He told her we're not interested in her games or childish behavior and asked her to leave, but she continued to insult us. I eventually told her I want her out of my house and to stop contacting us; she's not going to get her way and she's no friend of mine. She then went to slap me but C got in the way, before physically escorting her out. I'm shaking...I can't understand why someone who calls themself my friend would go to such extremes? She continued to yell at my closed front door for a few seconds before storming up the road, doing something on her phone. I'm terrified that she has in fact called Social Services now, even though I am still only early on in the pregnancy. We didn't attack her or provoke her in any way; she came to us. I don't know what to do...She's completely ruined what was meant to be a happy time for us :'( Does anyone have any advice please? x

I think I know what you mean? I get this too. Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea what it could be, other than a sub-conscious stress/anxiety symptom? As long as you know that it isn't related to your heart or circulatory system or anything, then that is reassuring at least. What I do is just take deep breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth, and make sure I'm comfortable and relaxed when doing so. I'm sorry I could not be much more help, but hope you don't have to suffer this much longer. x

Oh I see...What a pain! Thank God for the blocking feature! Thank you, I'll try not to. These are the first couple good things to happen to me in a long, long time. I don't want anyone to ruin it for me... I'll stay well away from her; I didn't do anything to provoke her...She found out from someone else, and called me to give me an ultimatum. But she's not going to win. Thank you x

She does; I've had enough drama and negativity to last me a lifetime...Literally! If she was my 'friend', she'd leave me to it, or be supportive, not tell me to call off my engagement to the man I love or abort our baby! I'm probably only a couple weeks pregnant, but I love it already; we both do. (He can't keep his hand off my stomach even though it's obviously still flat as a board lol! Bless him.) I don't know about her Dad...If that's his job, he might listen, especially as it's his daughter? I have no idea...But no, I've no intention of letting our baby come to any harm or suffering. I don't want it having the life I've had - I wouldn't wish that on anybody! So if Social are called, I will be so mad! Oh God, really? How on earth did they get your number?! Insane...a company pretending to be T-mobile keep calling me, so I blocked them too. It's a wonderful feature, isn't it? ^__^ LOL xx

Thank you so much! :) Yeah, she did say something...I know her Dad used to work for social services, and she said "Ka, you've been s*****al and self-harming. I think social really need to know so they can keep an eye on you. What would happen if you got all depressed and wanted to k**l yourself again? For your child's own good, they need to know." I don't know what she was getting at; whether she would call them or not? But my fiance went crazy at her and told her to mind her own business and let us live our lives and as my friend, she shouldn't be talking to me the way she does, and I agree! I never do it to her! Luckily, I have iOS 7 on my phone now, so I can block numbers (thank you Apple; at long last!!) And I blocked her, but she still has my home number and calls up, making my parents pass me the phone, just so she can yell at me for blocking her. She kept going on about how new my relationship is and how 'young' I am (I'm 21...not 12) but the truth is I am in love with my man and he's the same; I can tell by the way he treats me like I'm made of gold or something! I agree, it's spiteful and I'm terrified she will tip off her Dad...Some 'friend' huh? I barely have any these days but that's okay with me to be honest. LOL Sorry...Rambling again! Thank you for the support xx