Breaking the cycle

[Worry2much 22]

I have such bad anxiety / ocd about this one situation that it is ruining my days because I'm a slave to the fear. Therapy isn't going to do any good unless I do my part. It is a lot of work. The thoughts keep coming in and I go into panic mode. im blaming myself , blaming others and wishing i change what happened that triggered this whole obsession. I keep replaying everything over and over in my head. I'll never get the answer I'm looking for with this fear bc it's of future health. I have to learn to sit with these feeling and not do anything like google that I think is making me feel better only to be making things worse. 

I just had to vent this .. hope everyone is having a better day

[joy14 11]

Hi,

I can relate to what you're dealing with. I have been there as well. Right now I am dealing with anxiety again and it is really  messing with my head a lot. I am having the scary thoughts about my health, although I am healthy. I just had a physical in May and all was great, bloodwork and all. I just don't understand why we deal with these feelings but they are so real. I am too embarrassed and frustrated to even call my therapist again because it has been about 4 years since I have had to see her. I was doing so well. I feel like I am revisting my past anxiety cycle 10 years ago. It hasn't hit quite that bad but it is reminding me of my past. The thoughts, the symptoms etc. Health anxiety is no fun at all.

The best advice I have taken from my therapists and others is to just live in the moment and not to stress about why it happened or what we could do to prevent it. I know you want to, but try to think positive and do not google. That is never a good thing to do. I have done that so many times in the past and have made the anxiety much worse.

Hope you will have a great evening.

[Worry2much 22]

@joy14 Thanks for the reply. 

i worried about my health at one time too and it was horrible. At the time I had diff symptoms and  I thought something was wrong and I would go to the doctors and then think they missed something. Now looking back I can see that I did all of that for no reason and wasted many nights worrying. But in the moment I was terrified!!  Now I worry about the future health bc of a medication so there are no symptoms just fear of the unknown and the scary thoughts of what could happen. Me and my little guy used the med and it's now been confirmed we didn't have what we were ruling out. I'm really beating myself up over this. At this point I just have to move on. 

dont be embarrassed to call you therapist. That's  exactly what I had to do and it's about 3-4 years later for me as well. I knew I needed to get help because I felt so scared and kept crying. I'm  def in a better place but the fear sticks around because I haven't stopped the things I am suppose to. 

hope we can move on from our fears. 

[joy14 11]

Yes, I hope we can move on from this also. It is a vicious cycle. I am praying and I know God will bring us through as he did before. Thanks for your reply.

[joy14 11]

@Worry2much I am glad you and your little guy are ok and just try to stay positive. What 'could' happen almost never ever happens so just know that those are the thoughts of our minds that cause fear. I do this also and trying to stop that cycle. I need to really take my own advice. Hope your day is going well.

[Worry2much 22]

@joy14 thanks and I was doing good for a few days but tonight I'm getting lots of " what if " thoughts about the medicine . If we have to take something for a reason that's one thing but I feel like it was for no reason because we didn't have what one doctor thought. I'm so scared and feel like I failed him. This is the worst for me. I haven't googled all week so that's one good thing. I hope these thoughts go away. 

[joy14 11]

@worrying2much Those "what ifs" are so destructive. Remember, they are just thoughts and not really going to happen. Our minds hold the key to how our bodies will respond based on our thoughts. I know it is hard to not worry about that but guess what? You all are ok and you didn't fail him at all. You did what you knew was best, which was to go to the doctor and the doctor prescribed a med but thank goodness it wasn't what they thought, so eventhough you took a med, just trust that you are ok and you won't need the medicine any longer. That's right, no googling! It it not good and you will only work yourself up even more. That is the worst thing to do. I used to do that all the time and I was self-diagnosing myself all the time and causing the anxiety to really take a fast spin. It was awful. Think happy thoughts. Focus on your little guy and how happy your life is having him.

[Worry2much 22]

@joy14 i just don't know how I'll ever get over this completely but I'm going to keep trying. And thanks for reply. Talking with someone helps me stay of Google . 

[joy14 11]

@Worry2much I understand that. I am just waking up from going to sleep earlier. I was tired from all the anxiety. I'll have to call my therapist for sure. I can't fight this off it seems. I woke to use restroom and I felt anxious. It is like underlying anxiety. This is a horrible feeling. My heart started racing a little but it is ok now. This is crazy. Hope you are resting well. Thought I'd text on here to get myself together and back to sleep soon.

[Worry2much 22]

@joy14 I wake up a few times every night and it seems I'm immediately thinking of what I'm worrying over. I just push the thoughts away and fall back asleep. 

Hope you have a good day today  

you can always message me if you need to vent .. I find it helpful to vent instead of letting my mind get carried away. 

[joy14 11]

@Worry2much Thank you so much! Yes I need to vent to feel better. Having someone to chat with helps me a lot. It is tough feeling alone, although I have friends and family but I just can't explain to them how much this hurts. They don't understand really. One friend has dealt with it as I have but she's much better now and I think that may have just been a one time thing she dealt with in her life but it seems to revisit me every few years and that bothers me because I feel like something is wrong with me. Thanks for listening and I am praying that I have a really good day. I just don't want my  heart racing and all. That is what makes me nervous and causes me to get emotional. Hope you have a good day also! Message me anytime as well. I was going to PM you but forgot to do that. LOL. If you want to post here or PM me that is fine.