Sign in to follow this  
Worrywart528

Life issues

Recommended Posts

I have received some awesome advice since finding this board and hopefully can get some for this problem.   I have suffered from Health Anxiety and Panic attacks since I was in highschool.   I am generally pretty successful in life and have managed to climb  to the top of my career ladder.  I am 36 years old and when I have moments to reflect about my life I often get depressed.   I have always immersed myself in my work, hobbies, sports and working out.   My usual routine is  I wake up at 3am,  workout and run for 2 hours,  come into work,  and head to the golf course after work to practice and work on my game.    My issue is that I never made time for any of my friends.   I have had very close friends that I have just stopped contacting.  It is usually whenever there is any type of conflict I just go cold turkey and move on with my life.    I have always had groups of friends. In grade school I just stopped hanging out with them,  found another group of friends in Highschool and kept them through college.   I was in their weddings and was best man for two of them.   They moved about an hour away and I never made any effort to keep in touch.  I just realized it has been two years since I even spoke to them.   It always feels like I never allow anyone to get close to me and at some point I push them away when things get to intense.   I know the issue is with myself and I feel horrible about it.   My friends always took the time to invite me to their cookouts and bbq's and I never made time to go to them.     People I work with and play golf with have made efforts to hang out but when it comes down to it  I always back out at the last minute and make up an excuse.  The pattern is I keep doing this until I piss them off and they stop asking me.   The same thing goes with my relationship,  I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years and cannot seem to commit.   I never allow her to get close to me and see other people out holding hands and being somewhat intimate and I can never do that.  I was in a great relationship when I was in HS and college and felt completely comfortable with that person.  It is the last time I remember being able to hold someone's hand and display any affection.    That ended when I discovered she was cheating and was absolutely devastated.   Since then I have never "connected" with anyone I dated or to be honest even tried.   I do not know where to go or what to do but I keep pushing people away from me.    I am naturally and introvert and at times I feel comfortable with being alone but honesty it is not the way I wanted my life to work out.   As I approach 37 I have one friend I actually make time for but knowing my history at any moment I will piss off and walk away from.   I want to become a better person but these habits are so ingrained in me. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Some people prefer to be alone, while others are at the other extreme and are social butterflies. I think if you make a concerted effort, you can change if the desire is their. However, everyone is different, so if you won't or can't change, that does not necessarily make you a bad person. I am 60 and have been a CPA for 38 years and have had my own small firm for almost 15 years. As I have aged, I now find it more difficult to make big decisions, but have no problem with small decisions. All of us are different and we all don't fit the standard mold. I have suffered from health anxiety off and on for a long time and for the most part it has not seriously impacted my daily life. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this