I feel behind in life.

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I don't really know which place this would go but I figured I'd put it here....

I just realized just how much my anxiety has impacted my life. 

My boyfriend and I had a very important talk today.... my anxiety makes me really indecisive where I ask him to help me make even the smallest of choices. (ex... at the store, chicken or steak) and I'd sit there for god knows how long thinking and still end up asking him to which he says he has no preference and he tries to force me to make my own choices...

He said it can get exhausting and understandably so...

Anyways, this may have stemmed from my mom, she was always so harsh with me and I felt like a huge fuck up like all the time.... also, had an abusive ex boyfriend in my late teens that didn't help matters at all...

Now I need to fix this, and today I made all my own decisions without questioning for a long time or asking anyone for guidance.

I just got to thinking just how bad anxiety has impacted my life. I'm 28 years old.

I can't focus on school... I quit college... I have stayed at my SAME stupid job for 8 YEARS. I don't have a career, I'm working part time at a dead end job. My boyfriend and I aren't making enough money for our first apartment that we just rented this october and have a year lease on...

My friends have their own lives now... graduated, careers, children.... I'm so behind. I hate this. 

And now to top it all off I have all these weird health problems going on that I'm trying to manage that its making even the littlest of tasks so difficult. (ex. typing this right now is excruciating on my finger joints and my arms...)

I have work tomorrow for the first time in well over a month.. 

I'm so anxious. I just want to feel better and have energy again so I can move forward and continue my education.

I did redo my whole resume and cover letter today and sent out 4 job applications so hopefully I can get a job that doesn't require all my energy (I work with special needs kids.)

Anyways I guess I just mostly needed a place to vent. All my friends are too busy to hear about my crap, and my boyfriend probably is too.... he just has his nose buried in his phone half the time lately. *sigh*

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If all of your friends say they're too busy to lend you an ear, at least one of them is a filthy liar. Find out which and tell them to kick rocks. If your boyfriend is too busy playing Angry Birds to hear you talk about your pressing mental issues, you need to have a serious talk as well. 

I'm such a cynic that yes, that's the first thing I wanted to respond to. I get that not everyone out there is a lifeless loser such as myself and have jobs and such, but even out of a hypothetical group of friends as small as THREE, surely one of them over the course of 24 hours could spare some time for a distressed comrade. Sorry, that just pissed me off. 

Anyway, I feel you on many points here. I'm 26, and I've watched friend after acquaintance after enemy go straight through college and end up with a good job and a great future outlook in their mid 20s. I'm not even at square one. I tried college, but the traditional classroom atmosphere bored the hell out of me (plus I was in a nice depressive season -- thanks Bipolar!) and I quit after a semester. Plus, the idea of future student loans kicked me in the sack before I got the chance to further look into it. So that made me feel even more left behind. BUT! You have some positives to focus on here: you got job applications in, and most importantly, you became aware of your affliction. Now you can begin to heal. Maybe if you talk to someone and all of these things you have going on become demystified, you'll feel a lot better. 

You'll also feel much better if your boyfriend gets his thumbs off his phone for a few seconds every now and then. Best wishes to you. 

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I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I would try not to compare yourself to others as this will accomplish nothing and possibly make you feel worse about things and about yourself. Their used to be an adevertisement that I would hear on the radio years ago that went, to get a good job, get a good education. This however is not necessarily the case anymore. It is never too late to get things in gear. You could go to a community college and get a degree in nursing, occupational therapy assisstant, etc., which are all good careers. Try to be positive and don't give up. I used to have a boss that said to me: Their will always be someone better off than you and someone worse off then you. You just want to be somewhere in between. Good luck and let us know how things progress. 

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Thank you both for your replies. I appreciate it so much.

Since I posted this I have sent out sooo many job apps and all of key efforts have paid off. I have found a great new job that i start in June. Making more than I am now and will be easier on me physically.

I have had a horrible and toxic work environment the past week and my boss has made me work life a living hell so I have this new job lined up at the perfect time.

My boyfriend and I have talked and he's been more attentive. 

Once I start making more money Im going to go see a therapist and better myself mentally :)

Im excited to grow.

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Congratulations !!!

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