Having trouble overcoming social fears

[brittwentz 0]

Hello, i'm new to the forum so i hope i'm posting in the right place. If not i apologize.

I don't know at what point i became so awkward. When i was a kid i used to be very extroverted, but bullying through elementary school plus a very embarrassing puberty has turned me into this shy, awkward individual who just can't communicate. It takes me great effort to answer to people when they try to strike conversations with me. With close friends and family i have no problem and am actually very loud and energetic, but whenever i meet someone new i transform completely. I often feel as if i lost a crucial part of 'socializing 101' as i need to see how other people react to certain interactions in order to learn how to act. For example, someone starts talking to me about a topic i don't really relate to and can't add much to, but i don't want to seem rude or want to try and bond with this person, so i find myself remembering what my mom does whenever she's in a similar situation, or even what my best friend would do. I just began college a month and a half ago and it's been difficult to bond with people, as i live 30 mins away from campus and go by car every day while most stay in the same area so they make plans and meet up to study. I only have total of 4 hours of class each day, so that doesn't help either. I don't mind living so far removed because it means i can be with my family, but i'd like to make the most out of these 4 hours and i feel my social worries are getting in the way.

For the past two years i've suspected i might suffer from chronic general anxiety, and it's only getting worse. I had to move across the globe last year, and i basically have no friends here. And all the people i've met so far i just can't bring myself to trust. I'm coming from an environment i knew i could trust everyone, i'm talking about high school at a small catholic all girls school, to this new big place where there's not only all types of people but also individuals with an entire different culture to mine and a different set of values. I'm beginning to get paranoid about the situation and am thinking the only girl who has tried to befriend me so far is actually a bit manipulative. She might be very self-imposing, but i think it's too soon to jump to such conclusions...

Anyways, sorry for the long post, but i needed to let that out. Has anyone gone through something similar that could give me tips? What can i change about my way of socializing so i can be less awkward and start acting like a normal adult?

Thanks.

[jonathan123 2368]

Hi Brit. Welcome to AC. .

One thing I would say from the outset is BE YOURSELF!! Now it's obvious to me that you are still an outgoing personality or you would not be looking here. But are you suppressing that outgoing personality from fear of what might happen if you let yourself be you. Also you are self conscious; you may be concerned with what others may think of you. Puberty is a very difficult time for many girls, and being bullied does not help. You can often turn in on yourself which is not good especially if you have been extroverted, as you say.

For the past two years i've suspected i might suffer from chronic general anxiety, and it's only getting worse.

Possibly, but so have many others and you are far from alone. But before you diagnose yourself try and get some help in the form of counselling, if you can. I know it's difficult for some, but it can make so much difference if you have someone to talk to.

I'm beginning to get paranoid about the situation and am thinking the only girl who has tried to befriend me so far is actually a bit manipulative. She might be very self-imposing, but i think it's too soon to jump to such conclusions...

Yes, give her a chance. She may be supportive and you need friends. But I wonder what you mean by trust? You trusted everyone where you  were but don't feel as if you can here. Have you given yourself enough time to adjust? This is a very different environment and may take new thinking on your part. Try to get involved and try not to isolate yourself. Values may be different, and that does not mean they are bad, just different. Catholicism can be a little rigid and you may feel out of your depth in your new circumstances.

A small Catholic girls school is not exactly the place to learn about the world. It may be a safe environment but is it life education? Have a good look round the site. You will find some useful info there. It will all work out you know. Everything  passes  and so will this. You are young and still learning about life, which can be a real bitch at times, especially concerning relationships.  Good luck, and keep in touch.

 

 

[Yogesh kumar 0]

Till 7 to 8 months back,i had the exactly same problem for at least 6 years but now im perfect.When u see people u get scared because ur mind starts thinking what the people r thinking about u,are u doing smthing wrong or akward etc.What u have to do is nothing but ONLY ONE THING THAT IS CONCENTRATE and when u concentrate on what im going to tell u,ur mind will get bound not to think what others think about u nd u will get a new perception.S ee pepole think and DO,man1 thinkingbad things about somone sitting on a chair and another man2 starts abusing the same person,that someone knows what man1 is thinking somthng bad about him,now to whome he will react?of course man2 cause he abused  that means hates more or is more angry on that someone see both men hates but absuing means more hate,now more feelings r important than less feelings ,u should focus on more feelings and more feelings will ALWAYS bring some DOING,now absuing is a kind of doimg,im saying that u should not focus on what others r thinking,the ONLY THING U SHOULD SEE IS WHAT THEY DO PHISICALY.If it helps you then PLEASE help others.