Peter4322

Agoraphobia ruining my relationship

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Hi, so here is my story, six years ago I developed  agoraphobia and  three years ago I met my soulmate online. We only chatted online for about less than two weeks before she made the trip to come see me. She  lives approximately two hours away. Right from the start we both knew there was some serious chemistry between the both of us. We just knew we were meant to be together.  From the very first time we spoke on the phone I laid it out on the line for her that I had a condition called Agoraphobia  and I gave her plenty of details about it but she insisted in continuing our relationship and said that she would help me work through it. Everything was fine for the first two years because I started making progress I even started visiting her at her home but she would have to drive.  However for the last year things have taken sort of a turn for the worst. My condition seems to be getting worse and not better.  Which is weird because I was making somewhat good progress.

 She has stuck by me every step of the way and has been great so far.  A few months back one of her friends asked if I could DJ her daughter's sweet 16 birthday party next month and the location was a bit out of my comfort zone but I agreed to do it anyway as a favor to her. I took a trip to make a dry run to the location and I knew that I was not going to be able to do it that it was just too far out of my comfort zone.  As the days got closer to the party It started weighing heavily on my shoulders so much so that a couple nights ago I went straight into panic mode the entire day night and the following morning. I finally had to tell her that I was not going to be able to do it and it stressed me out so bad days prior to telling her because I didn't know how she was going to take the news.

 And to make matters worse I was supposed to go with her to her house this week to celebrate our three-year anniversary but from all the anxiety I did not feel up to making the trip and now on top of canceling the party on her friend and this she is really angry with me right now and I'm afraid this might be it. She has put up with a lot because of my condition the last few years but I think this time she might just have had enough.  I love her so much and I know she loves me too and I would be devastated to lose her.

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I really understand where you are coming from.  She may be upset, but I think it's a pretty big leap to say she is going to leave you.  Has she said she is going to?  Maybe there is a support group she could attend in her area that will help her with feeling frustrated and disappointed?  My impression from what you wrote is she loves you very much and will stick by you.  Here is why I think that:

1. You were upfront about your condition

2. You said you can go to her place, but only if she drives and she lives 2 hours away.  So she is willing to drive quite a bit for you to spend nd time with her at her home.  That shows dedication.

3. You have been together for 3 years.  That shows she is committed.  Personally I think if she was going to leave you should would have before now.  She has shown herself to be loyal, dedicated, committed, and loving.I think it is the anxiety making you question it.  

I suspect you are making yourself feel worse based on how she may feel.

She may be disappointed, but I bet she will be happy celebrating your anniversary as long as she is with you, at your place or hers.

My only advice is to relax.  Hard to do I know.  Also be open and honest with her. Share your feelings and fears.  Be open and honest.

 

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