Need support/love/new here

[BriannaB 7]

Hey guys, I'm new here. I am so surprised to see how similar a lot of symptoms we all share.. does make you make the correlation with anxiety eh?!

Anyway, a quick background! I'm a 19 year old Canadian university student studying (lol how funny, kinesiology! Study of human movement) 

I developed emetaphobia when I was 10, which lead to me even avoiding sleeping in my room for an entire year assuming I'd get sick again along with other weird behavior for a 10 year old. This left me when I got to a drinking age, but the fears of being trapped somewhere and couldn't relieve myself if I had to have since stayed. (Especially airplanes or concerts not being in the row seat-anyone else?)

Throughout the years school, friends, dance have all been the forefront and little blips of hypochondria have come and go. I burst into tears at age 12 when I heard Dr.Oz mention ovarian c****r. So irrational but felt so real.

Boy oh boy, now comes this year. This summer I had 2 crippling bouts of fear over blood clots. I was at the point of asking the universe to "heal me" from an ectopic pregnancy when in reality I was having ovulation pain. I felt so desolate though. You make your self so sure of these things. Now here is the grand, turning point kicker that has brought me to seek help- it all started a few weeks ago. 

I was having a routine bath when I felt a sharp sting in my nostril. Oh lord, yes,  it was time to make the fateful Google search we all know of "brain tumor." This changed my life.  I continued to feel a one-sided headache and these occasional quick "stings" for a few days but I was driven MAD. Full blown anxiety attacks trying to sleep. Complete dissociation with my university life. I HAD to see my doctor. She shrugged it off as sinus issues! And gave me a nasal spray. This was NOT the answer. I say when I got home that day, I weeped into my bed for hours I thought this was the end. I've never been so distraught. 

I didn't really find relief,  just survived each day. Until I checked in my mouth one day and saw a wisdom tooth was partially erupted-so a bit sticking into my gums/cheek. HALLELUJAH!  A reason for headaches and pain! Does anyone else get mini relief? This to me meant I would not worry about it anymore.  This was not the case. 

I even went to the dentist and he was like oh ouch! Did x-rays, two infected teeth. Relief. 10 days antibiotics and painkillers? Relief!

Until it wasn't.  

I convinced myself into a spiraling mess that the infection was spreading.  I began having difficulty swallowing. Jaw pain, constant ringing in ears, vision that felt a little out of focus. I went to the ER at 2am and they had to do an EKG on me because my heart rate was sky rocketed. 26 beats over normal. All for a doctor to tell me at 4am to go to bed. Sleep, hydrate. That my "swollen" neck was muscular tension. I again felt relief...

But the swallowing did not go away! The shaky vision didn't either! These symptoms prevailed. I went to ANOTHER er doctor for him to be even more frank with me and give me a strong painkiller and told me there isn't significant signs of infection or swelling.  

As I sit here, it's 2 weeks until my teeth are removed. I think all my symptoms point towards having problems with TMJ, the tinnitus and fullness in ears with limited opening of mouth.  Apparently it can even cause swallowing issued and eye pressure. Either way it has completely stolen my motivation and happiness in life, and worry has become my main activity. My family is stressed out over me, my friends are sick of talking about it, it's made me a lonely, alone, shell of a person. My studies ARE being affected too. 

Help?  

[Cubmanben 134]

A lot of those symptoms are pretty problematic with anxiety. Compounded now with the fact that you're in desperate search of something to be wrong. It's quite logical at this point that there's nothing wrong other than what you're being treated for. It's difficult to break this cycle, but you need to trust in what you've been told and stop trying to google symptoms or searching for other answers. I'm not a doctor, you're not a doctor, so why pretend to be? It's really difficult to realize that all these physical symptoms can be caused by stressing out, but take it from someone who's been there, they can, will and are being caused by just that. I'm not sure if you practice any deep breathing or meditation or any other sort of calming exercises, but you need to seek out some ways to stop obsessing over things, because I can tell you from experience that you will only make it worse. Journaling some of it may help too. Once you write it down and have a chance to rationalize it a bit it can be quite helpful.

You'll get through it, but the key is finding ways and starting to relax and stop that obsessive cycle that can get us in trouble.

[BriannaB 7]

Thank you for this reply. 

I try so hard to rationalize with myself- I assume neurological problem from the vision even though I not only had a complex eye exam a month ago, but two doctors checked the back of my eyes for cranial pressure throughout these past weeks yet I'm still not quite satisfied. 

This leads to me to ask, do you believe those with health anxiety benefit or don't from getting into the health care system test grind? Would it even benefit me to get an MRI or would I find a way to not be satisfied with those results?  

I'm scared that since I've gotten comfortable going around to all these doctors that it's going to become a habit where I am never satisfied with what they tell me. I'm doubting if they were tired, busy, and not paying attention enough to believe me... it probably isn't even helpful after all to get all these testings done. 

[jonathan123 2365]

Hi BriannaB. Welcome to AC..

You may be surprised to know that I have heard your symptoms related so many times. Anxiety can mimic any known disease. If you read about something it will stick. Why? Because you are sensitised and vulnerable. Sensitisation is when the nerves get irritated, upset. The cause is not always apparent but there is one, always. But at this stage don't go looking for it, you will just chase your tail! Any suggestion about illness will be taken in, and with a  vivid imagination at work, you will blow it up out of all proportion.

Continual visits to your doctor is another symptom. You don't believe them do you? 'Have they missed something? That guy/women didn't seem sure, they weren't listening'. I know. You have to believe them. These days they just can't afford to make mistakes. You know the old journalists' expression 'Good news is not news' is so true. Millions of ops get done every year in the UK and no one says a word, but when one goes wrong it's all hell let loose and YOU will surely see it! Yes, you will always doubt all the time you have HA. It's a symptom of the problem. You need to find a way to relax. IF you can take your mind off yourself, if only for a while it would help. But don't try to push the symptoms and feelings way; to try and escape from them, You won't succeed at that. Go with it; accept it for the moment as part of the problem but, at the same time, look for a long term solution. Therapy or some counselling can help a lot. There is a lot of info on the site relating to HA so have a browse around. NEVER Google, a big mistake.Take heart. It will not always be this way.      Jon.