Baltazar 0 Posted March 23, 2014 Hi. Rant warning. I have had one of the worst days of my life. I have not cried in over 10 years. Today i couldnt help it. I'm 28 year old guy and i have never even held the hand of a girl (outside of family ofcourse). And ofcouse not one kiss and no sex. When i was around 10 i remember beeing normal and liked by people, but some where after i became afraid of talking and of creating relationship with people. I only have friends that i knew from my childhood. No new friends. And I havent seen my old friends in years. All my adult life i have been doing what i was suposed to do. I have no problem doing stuff that does not include my own feelings. I get nervios before talking in public and stuff like that but thats ok, everyone does. The problem appears when unexpected contact happens. the place does not matter. When someone sais something to me, or even if they notice me doing whatever it is im doing (can be putting groceries in my basket), i begin to panic. First comes disorientation, i forget what i was doing, i start to become clumzy. The sweting stars. All over my body, I start sweating like if i just finished a race or something, which causes people to look at me funny and thus malking it worse. At this time, the reason of me being there is overwhelmed by the need of escape. And that is what i do. I never looked for help. I was never allowed to. My parent always said that it will pass. And everyone seems to know what i was feeling and that they felt the same thing and it passed. F%^& that!! they all have families and by their stories of their yoputh they never felt this way. ... Sorry if this does not make sense. I have a bad day and felt the need of talking to someone. I hope this pathetic little rant makes my subcouncios mind a bit less harsh on me. Peace. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Holz 64 Posted March 23, 2014 Hey! Dont b so hard on itself it wasn't a pathetic little rant, for u wanna read my posts! Welcome i do t have qgrophobia but plenty of people here do ur not alone always here if needed x chin up Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JOYCICLE 654 Posted March 23, 2014 Bless your heart. It is scary when an attack takes over, especially out in public. I know what you mean. I feel very awkward when speaking with people , even family and friends sometimes 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baltazar 0 Posted March 23, 2014 I have made peace with who I am some time ago, but... Some times the common way of life make me want to want that life for myself, and when i just think about it I become nervous. even the prospect of involving myself emotionally make me nervous. sometimes i just cant help it and i want to feel ... normal like everyone else, even if they also seem very unhappy with their life. I just wish i was with someone with whom to be close. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Holz 64 Posted March 23, 2014 Hey, itl b ok and u will we all don't find our matches straight away in life, we need to love ourself first, i think normal is boring lol!! Its a case of all in good time hun 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Holz 64 Posted March 23, 2014 Oh and sto lat!!!! Its the easiest polish thing. I can say haha Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
esrevni 12 Posted March 24, 2014 I have made peace with who I am some time ago, but... Some times the common way of life make me want to want that life for myself, and when i just think about it I become nervous. even the prospect of involving myself emotionally make me nervous. sometimes i just cant help it and i want to feel ... normal like everyone else, even if they also seem very unhappy with their life. I just wish i was with someone with whom to be close. I think we all hold on to that hope of being "normal" like everyone else (I'm agoraphobic and also suffer from panic attacks in public, so I totally understand). I tried for 25 years of my 32 trying to 'fit in', always unsuccessfully. School was hell, I didn't have many friends, etc. What I learned to do (which was disastrous) is put on a "face" so that I could deal with the public, but that never lasted long and often caused many problems in my personal life ("Cognitive Dissonance" is the term for it, should you ever decide to pursue further what it is). What finally was the turning point for me, I think, was acceptance that I cannot deal with the public and that I couldn't go on living the same way I was. I was living a lie to myself. Once I came to grips with that, things have kinda started clicking into place. And, while I'm far from being where I want to be mentally, that was a huge starting point. As far as being with someone, that will come when it is supposed to, it's nothing that can be forced. It's when you're not looking that the best come along. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
esrevni 12 Posted March 24, 2014 Oh, and welcome to AC btw Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
