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Hi, I'm 30years old and happily married to the love of my life . 4 years ago I took a job that was way out of my comfort zone, and I triggered BIG TIME! Fear. I didnt want to go to work I was crying all the time etc. My husband finally took me to the dr. Cause he knew I needed help and I did, as fearful as I was I did agree to go and that's when they diagnosed me with GAD. I have had it tough in life before I fell in love with my husband,  my family have always put me down and drove me to tears my whole life, same with past ex relationships (mentally abusive) my whole life . My dad was barly there for me and most of my life he was cheating on my mom. My older brother was also hard on me. To this day my brother barely calls my husband and I or ever plan to come and visit cause we live out of town. 2years ago my husband and I got married 🙂 happiest day of my life! My dad wasnt there to walk me dow the aisle  cause he passed away of lung cancer in 2014. My aunt who I was close to for the longest time gave us a hard time cause we weren't getting married how she wanted us to. My grandma doesn't treat us with respect either.  My anxiety will cause me to have images or conversations in my head rumminating over past events , my anxiety acts like I dont know what love is, my first relationship was in high school on and off, I was close to him and his parents we ended permanently 11 years ago  it was a horrible relationship.  8 years ago I fell in love with my husband at first sight , hes always been my best friend , my soulmate I never stopped loving him and I never will. Hes my everything, for 5 years I lost him and my heart called for him. Finally fate brought us back together and we were still crazy in love I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm always fearful of losing him even though I know I'm not and hes never gonna lose me. My anxiety makes my mind have unwanted unfaithful thoughts like , my aunt always loved my high School BF and when my husband and I were moving into our own place when we got back together and I'm so happy  she didnt care how happy I was she thought after so long that we were gonna end up together . So during an anxiety episode I heard that conversation and I went into a panic attack , numbness and it makes it seem like I dont know what love is because of numbness and like "you wont be able to get over the past" so that's what made it unfaithful.  My husband is the love of my life and I tell him that every second  of the day. Litterly! And so he never forgets. This anxiety is making me sick  everyday , then after I come out of fearful mode I go into guilt mode from the episode.  It's like it's trying to prevent me from being happy. I know all of this is silly it is, it's just scary too. I cry at the thought of losing the most precious and amazing thing in my life 😢 I've never been happy in life until I fell in love with my husband and he changed my whole world he has been so supportive though all this with me, he took me to get help in the beginning when I needed it, I still do talk to a counselor when I can cause we live out of town and hes right there by my side holding my hand at every appointment. This man is what I live for! 

 

My anxiety makes me feel like I'm losing myself and makes me feel crazy.

 

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