Newbie here and having rough morning

[RLP 0]

Hello I am new here, a 39 year old with a plethora of anxiety and panic issues. I wake up every morning already depressed because I know the anxiety is about to settle in. I have been on Xanax for about 12 or so years and I used to be able to take months long vacations from it but recently it’s needed daily. Sometimes it’s so bad I pop one and still drink a bottle of wine just to be numb. I overthink every single choice I make to the point I’m panicking by sweating and becoming dizzy. My muscles become so sore from tension. These days the anxiety is through the roof causing high blood pressure. Everything about life has been difficult this past year - worrying I somehow ran someone over with my car to the point I have to circle around to check. The mail stacks up for weeks because I’m too nervous to check it in case there’s bad news. I google every phone number that calls because I fear I’ll get bad news. Every sound makes me jump. I see things out of the corners of my eyes. I haven’t sought out any help aside from my GP who supplies me with Xanax and tells me to calm down because I’m too young for anxiety and high BP. This morning the anxiety was unbearable because I felt like I filled out my son’s financial aid papers incorrectly so I sought out google in search of any online support groups and found this one. I apologize for the lengthy intro. I just had to find a quick outlet! 

[eyedw 1]

Hi RLP,

I hope you're feeling better. May I ask if there is anything triggering this anxiety in the beginning? 

[RLP 0]

Not really! I just keep feeling this dread like I’m going to be in trouble for something. I constantly wonder if other people have this same issue and I don’t even know exactly what it is. Is it a phobia? Is it just panic and anxiety? It’s making every day unbearable and I ended up sleeping for about 11 hours straight last night because my mind and body were so exhausted from being in extreme panic mode for so long. 

[eyedw 1]

I do have anxiety but only on health and the trigger is due to the fact that my dad needs an emergency heart bypass surgery a few years back. we were so lucky it was caught before any damage was done. my anxiety has gotten worse since then. 

Is it possible that you might hear a lot of stories (friends, TV, etc) about any misfortunes and  you thought of it when anything similar is happening to you ? 

ie. like someone got a call from an unknown number and turns out their house is robbed or somthn..

I think panic and anxiety is innate, but worsens with triggers. 

[RLP 0]

This does make sense. I have had to block any news sites from social media that I followed because any time someone was arrested or even falsely accused of something, I immediately imagine it’s going to happen to me in the very near future. This is eating away at me and I am losing all normal functioning. I haven’t been able to take a shower or eat a full meal because the panic and dread is always upfront in my mind. I CANNOT get these feelings to stop. I took more Xanax than normal yesterday because it was a particularly bad day and for the first time, it didn’t work! Which really sent me spiraling further down. Are my issues considered a phobia or a trigger or both?

[eyedw 1]

Hm I'm not a professional but I can somehow relate to your situation 

We might be a natural "worrier" and we have to find what our trigger is and find a way to avoid them. 

I sometimes wonder how people can just be Happy and be at the moment. I'm always having What Ifs situation in my head. 

Please try to speak to a professional since this is clearly eating you away. 

I"m trying to find a professional too, maybe some hypnotherapy of some sort. 

Good luck and I hope you find something that works for you soon.