Health Anxiety--Specifically ALS Fears

[Dotdispenser 12]

Before I begin speaking any, I guess I should give a little background on who I am and what I have been going through. My name is Daniel Hall and I am 18 years old. I'm currently a student at Lincoln Memorial University in Harrogate, Tennessee; I am studying conservation biology as I have always had a love for nature.

I have always been a hypochondriac. I can remember multiple times throughout my very young life (6-15 years old) where I was having episodes of what I now know to be anxiety. These episodes were mostly due to the usual--cancer worries, tumor worries, etc. In my junior year of high school--to my great dismay--I was in A.P. Biology class and we watched a documentary on Steve Gleason and his journey with ALS. Ever since, it has been my biggest fear; however, it was never affecting my life in any way... until about 2 months, 1 week, and 3 days ago.

I began having a twitch in my neck. I honestly don't believe it twitched more than two or three times and then stopped. Anyways, ALS had popped up in my mind a few days prior as I had read about someone famous being diagnosed with it (I believe), so, I immediately Googled "muscle twitching" and found that one of the first things to pop up was amyotrophic lateral sclerosis--ALS, or as it's better known, Lou Gehrig's disease. As many of you can imagine, an immediate panic went through my body and I freaked out internally, but managed to keep my cool as I knew it was super rare and that I most likely didn't have ALS. That didn't matter, though, as within hours I was twitching body-wide, head-to-toe, non-stop. 24/7 fasciculations. Luckily, my school was just about to begin Thanksgiving break and I was able to have a week to research (wish I didn't), mope (still do), and manage to get over my first bout of anxiety. I found that fasciculations are rarely the presenting symptom of ALS, and that body-wide fasciculations are even more rare as a presenting symptom. In fact--I've never read a story of body-wide twitching being the presenting symptom of ALS ever.

Queue the happy, fun, and enjoyable Daniel. Back in business! That didn't last long, however, as I began to notice a tingle in my left arm which I knew had nothing to do with ALS. I began wondering if this is maybe MS or neuropathy or whatever other inconvenient but non-life threatening disease I could imagine. Then I began to notice an odd weakness in that arm. It only felt weak; I could still perform any action that I could before the feeling of weakness, but it definitely felt weak. Queue the anxiety! Within a weeks time this went away. I'm going to make the rest of this as short and undetailed as possible as this is beginning to really drag itself out.

After the perceived arm weakness came perceived swallowing issues. I was having trouble swallowing, I had choked on my water maybe two or three times, and I was absolutely freaking out. The next symptom was nasal speech that was due to a very small sinus infection that I began dealing with. The perceived swallowing issues went away immediately. Then came perceived slurred speech. My tongue felt huge and was "dragging" in my mouth. It felt heavy. The perceived nasal speech went away as soon as my sinus infection went away. Then I finally accepted that I wasn't slurring and this was all in my head. It worked! I stopped worrying and had no more anxiety--or so I thought--and was out of the rabbit hole. I wasn't slurring, and life was ready to be lived from Mr. Daniel Hall! Until I began working out and noticing that my left arm was sore longer than my right :). I strained it. Very easy to do. I used to work out a lot, but quit after the beginning of my health anxiety over ALS. When I went back to working out, I went full force and full effort. I was sore for nearly a week! Anyways, this soreness led to more perceived weakness and tightness that has now went away as my focus has shifted to a new symptom--speech changes. Last night, my girlfriend and I were laying on her couch watching a movie, and I said something to her. Her reply was "your voice sounds different." I don't believe the panic was as bad as it has been before, but it was awful. She immediately knew what she had done, and she apologized and tried to calm me and reassure me. I was beyond the realm of peace from reassurance. I panicked and was anxious all last night and all today. I have been non-stop honed in and focused on my voice and the way it sounds.

 

The point of all of this is to show the effect that anxiety can have on our lives. I joined this forum only days ago and already have seen countless threads of people worrying about ALS. I am 18, have no family history of ALS (or any neurological diseases in fact), with a family history of severe anxiety. Everyone on my father's side relies on anxiety medicine. I have just started anxiety medication not too long ago, but it is not helping as much as I'd like it to as I am letting this fear take control of my mind. The fear is irrational and is of something that I don't have and couldn't control if I did have it. It's funny, too; I can go on someone else's thread and reassure them and give them all the 1,000+ reasons why they don't have ALS, yet I seem to make the faintest connections from dots of information that aren't even real--dots of information that are just made up in my world of fear.

 

I hope some of those who are having problems with ALS fears, or health anxiety in general, can read this and take a step back and look at their situation from a more mature and less anxiety-ridden view. I also hope that I can get some support from those of you who have been through these fears and understand the struggle. Anxiety is a real illness that can sometimes take a greater toll on an individual and those around them than a very genuine and very serious illness, but unlike those illnesses, anxiety can be conquered if it is recognized, understood, and an attempt is made to get rid of it, and support can make all the difference in the world when trying to accomplish those three things. 

 

P.S. Sorry for rambling on. My mind has been in a fog due to all of my anxiety, and thus my writing is very random and uncoordinated.

[Bobnnat 496]

Hi Daniel,

One thing you can be assured of is you do not have ALS. Period end of sentence. Dozens of reasons why. At 18 you'd be in medical journals.  It's a good thing that you realize at your young age what the REAL problem is..anxiety. Many people worry solely about the physical symptoms, which i understand, but ignore the mental health aspect. You say you're on anxiety meds; do you mean an SSRI (anti-depressant) or fast acting meds like Xanax or Ativan?  The latter are good for short term anxiety, like waiting a few days for test results; however not for long term.  An AD aims at balancing the chemical imbalance in the brain to make one think differently. Sometimes these work, sometimes they don't. Docs will sometimes need to try 2, 3 or more different SSRI's before (hopefully) finding one that helps.  I'd suggest you consider an SSRI but there are side effects. One, which unfortunately is common to most of them are changes in sex/arousal and climax and not good change.  Can be a deal breaker for many, especially at 18!

Talk therapy or Cognotive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is all the rage now. In fact I'm starting CBT next Friday. Consider that.  it's good if you can get ahold of your anxiety while you're young. Long term, it can effect not only you, but many of the relationships you have or will have.

Bob

[Dotdispenser 12]

I have been started on sertraline 50mg for the past month or so. It's helped, but not fixed the issue. I also began counseling again with my school's mental health counselor and it has sort of helped, but not significantly. Every time I get over one thing and become fine again, I have another set back and have to fight my way through it. Thanks for the nice reply, Bob

[LilyLabVA 56]

Hi there, 

I am sorry you are going through this and I would say all the things the above poster said but won't repeat it. I am with him on this. 

Side note- I hope I'm not overstepping but I don't think its a good idea to put so much personal information online. Someone can google your name and see this private stuff about you. I think it's nice that you did a honest introduction but I also want to just let you know that in case you decided you'd like to go back and "edit" and take out the personal/identifying information. We are all generally and hopefully great people here but you would still come up on a google search.  Id be more concerned about that than ALS

[Cb17 9]

Hey look at my page and help me