Jo❤️

Well where do I start. For the past week or so I have started to feel better? My stools are returning to normal the past few days, instead of mushy cow pat that I was having for over 2 weeks. Went about a week without eating anything as the sight of food made me feel sick & couldn’t stomach anything. I was having lower achey back pains that lasted 3 days. And other sensations & dizziness. For the past week or so the dizziness have almost gone ? the repitive coughing has about gone? stools are forming right the past few days, but was a bit constipated earlier, which resulted in setting of my anal fissure again! I’ve started to eat little & often, but I still can’t eat much? Probably eat a small kids portion of dinner. Still get dry mouth every morning when I wake up & when I’ve eaten? Today I attended 2 job interviews, which I don’t know how I did it as my confidence has gone downhill big time. So that was an achievement ?. But since this morning have a dull aching pain on my Right upper abdomen and back. I have tried to forget about it but my fears keep creeping in.? I worry about the c word . And worry about my pancreas & liver as I have high Bilirubin levels( apparently I’ve got Gilbert Syndrome). I worry about my stomach also as I can’t stomach much still even though I want to. I want to put weight back on but I’m still loosing. Ive had blood tests done, ultrasound on abdomen area & X-ray on lungs & apparently all fine, just the Bilirubin levels which was High on the normal scale about a week ago. I’m really really trying to not think dark thoughts and I’m trying to ignore all symptoms & sensations. But this pain isn’t going away! My mother in law sadly passed away last September from pancreatic/ liver cancer. ?And it scared me so much. Can’t understand why I’m having these feelings when I don’t feel as anxious as what I did. Im just waiting on one more stool test for Calprotectin (inflammation of the bowel) I think. All of the others came back ok. I just want to get to the bottom of this for me to move forward! Appointment isn’t till Tuesday with the Drs, which seems weeks away. I want answers to why & to be reassured I haven’t got any deadly disease. would blood tests & ultrasound definitely pick up any abnormalities? You hear of so many missed diagnosis, it’s frightening ☹️. Take Care All xx

Hi all, Just a quick update, still waiting for Calprotectin & Celiacs stool sample test. Stools still like cow pat but hardening up a bit. Starting to eat more, compared to how I was the past couple of weeks. Was 11stone a month ago now I’m 10.5 stone and have been for the past 5 days or so. So haven’t lost anymore which is good. But went back to the Drs. Again today as I noticed slight yellowing at the bottom of my eyes. Which my Bilirubin levels where 3.2, so pretty high on the normal range. Which in the past Bilirubin levels have fluctuated. I found this out as I started Isotretenion(for my acne) October last year until I had this funny turn on the 4th Of April this year, due to that ointment that caused by low blood pressure, which started my Anxiety ☹️. Well I had to have blood tests to check liver function every couple of months, & the nurse who I used to see said I might have Gilbert Syndrome. Well the Dr. Today sent me to have bloods again to check if the levels of Bilirubin, & that if it has increased then she will ring me tomorrow, if not I’ve got to go back Tuesday next week, then hopefully stool sample test will be done and hopefully get to the bottom of this. I know that by speaking to a number of people on here Anxiety can mess up your whole body. Which increases the Anxiety even more, & I think the only way I can try and get over and beat this Anxiety is when I’ve been reassured by the Drs etc... that there’s nothing else wrong. That’s when I can move forward. To be honest I still have the horrible thoughts, the what’s ifs, but not as much & I feel better in myself. I haven’t cried for the past 4 days, eating & sleeping better. Don’t seem to have had many sensations like the adrenaline rushes etc.. Do feel tired a lot, but that’s probably because for the past couple of weeks the only places I’ve been I s to the Drs or hospital & haven’t done anything really( which I’ve normally got ants in my pants & always on the go). But I’ve been told to rest. But want to build myself up again. Well I don’t know if the CBD oil helped? It made me feel relaxed/ tired and had the strangest sensation in my head about 40 minutes after taking it, which surprisingly didn’t freak me out. Well peeps hope everyone is doing well and I will keep you all posted . Take Care ?

Thanks Holls for sharing your experiences with me. Sounds like you have sussed this anxiety thing out. Thank you, I need to keep this up and start doing some enjoyable things. Take Care xxx

Oh by the way the CBD oil did relax abit, then made me feel tired for a little while. But tbh I don’t want to rely on anything if I can help it, so I won’t make it a regular thing. Xx

Hey Holls, Thanks for the reply. If you don’t mind me asking how long did your Bad B/M go on for? & was it all the time? Also is it normal to have no appetite at all? And only be able to eat very small amounts? I’m really pleased with myself today with what I’ve ate, apple for breakfast, sausage roll for lunch, banana for snack, tuna & cucumber sandwich around 3ish & rice, salad & 2 cubes of chicken for dinner. Still only a very small portion, but with a bit of forceful eating I think I’ve done well.? Sorry I don’t like to ask questions as I don’t want to cause any bad memories for you. If you don’t want to go into detail I totally understand.As by what you have mentioned you’ve had your fair share of scares. Which I’m so happy for you that it wasn’t the worst outcome ?. Are you or have you recovered from this nasty thing, anxiety? Have you got any good tips? Xxx

Hi Hope your ok all? Well took another stool sample to the hospital to check for inflammation of the bowel, so got to wait now. She checked my stomach and she said feels fine. Yestarday morning my stool was more solid. So she seemed happy with that. But later on & this morning back to mushy. Still can’t eat much even though I really try. The Doctor told me to go back to my GP if it persists. I felt a bit reassured yesterday when it was abit more solid, but now I’m not cuz it’s mushy again. My partners friend recommended CBD oil from Holland & Barrat which I’ve just tried a tiny amount. To see if it will help with the anxiety. We will see. Didn’t taste nice & I was really anxious on taking it to start with. Will keep you all updated. Take Care xxx

Bless you Hun, so sorry to hear that. You must be a very strong person going through all of that & still giving great advice out. I know what you mean regarding the children, I really don’t want that to be passed onto them or see me so vulnerable. There my world. Yes I have been tested for bugs etc... but nothing found. Tomorrow’s appointment is to take another stool sample to check for blockages I think. Had bit of a break down I think earlier, was going to take myself hospital, I just broke down. My partner and Mum tried to reassure me about something would of been picked up by now if something was wrong. Think I need to get tomorrow out of the way. Hopefully all will be ok then I need to accept it’s the Anxiety & concentrate on dealing with that. I have a CBT phone consultation on a Tuesday. So hopefully that will help. Im starting to eat the past few days but can’t manage a lot. I most of a pie & a few chips & beans. I get full easily. I ate an apple for breakfast, bag of crisps & chocolate bar for lunch. It’s hard when you haven’t got an appetite. Theres no change in my b/m I seem to go early morning around 6ish and that’s it but it’s very mushy( sorry for the info). I was going twice in the morning but the past few days it’s only the once. Holls I really do try & take on boards what you say & everyone else, I really do & I appreciate it massively. Lets get tomorrow out of the way then hopefully can move forward. Big hugs xx

Hi PennyPanic, Thanks for your reply. Yes sites like this makes me feel I’m not alone. I really do feel for everyone that suffers this horrible illness and other illnesses. I feel selfish as there are people out there that are really ill etc.... and I haven’t been told I am . my mind is telling me I am. I hate my mind! I really do hope it’s nothing serious & the tests that have already been done are right. Hate to come across like I’m believing these professionals that work really hard. I totally respect what they do. But my mind doubts them. Really appreciate these replies. Xx

Sorry for your loss Lofwyr ❤️

really is a bad day today. Scared of being alone. Asked my 15yr old daughter to stay off school today as I feel scared. Which isn’t like me. I hate to show anyone any sort of weakness or problems let alone my daughter.  I just broke down crying and I just can’t stop.  I feel so useless and selfish, feel like I’m being a burden on my family & it’s not fair! I’m scared about the stool test tomorrow. Keep thinking my other tests are wrong. Blood tests, ultrasound on abdomen area and X-ray on lungs. My minds telling me there’s something wrong. I have lost half a stone in the past 2-3 weeks. And have a bowel movement every early morning which is porridge formed. It was twice for a few days but only going the once now. I was struggling to consume anything the last couple of weeks but the last few days I can eat little & often, which can be hard when you have no appetite.   I really am trying to think positive and help myself. Yesterday was a good day. Today is not! Mind keeps thinking the worst! That I have the C word. Really really feel bad today. To a point I just don’t know! I feel really selfish feeling this way to. I lost my mother in law last September to pancreatic c. And it’s scared me to death. I hate hate this! Tomorrow seems so far away. I don’t even know how I’m going to be! When they done an ultrasound on my pelvis & asked for internal I panicked so much laying there thinking I never gave my pelvis a seconds thought, there’s something wrong. I cried with relief when I got told all ok But my minds telling me there’s something wrong. I was diagnosed with acute diarrhoea on Monday when I went up. As they couldn’t find any bugs or anything wrong with stool sample. But tomorrow’s abit more of a thorough stool sample check I think. I’m scared. I keep thinking I need to be locked up or something.

Hi Lofwyr, Thanks for your reply. I ate banana for breakfast, ham sandwich for lunch & chicken thigh, half of a mini corn on the cob, lettuce, tomato, cucumber and 2 slices of beetroot. I’m trying to eat little and often which is hard when you have no appetite. A lady on here did say she lost quite abit within a couple of weeks, which for a while reassured me. I look in the mirror and see a I’ll looking person staring back, always thinking my skin looks yellow. My family and partner has said that they can see I’ve lost a bit of weight but don’t look anerexic & that I just look drained & tired. And that to stop worrying. My partner is great and my children, very supportive. I wrote this earlier: tes ago It really is a bad day today. Scared of being alone. Asked my 15yr old daughter to stay off school today as I feel scared. Which isn’t like me. I hate to show anyone any sort of weakness or problems let alone my daughter. I just broke down crying and I just can’t stop. I feel so useless and selfish, feel like I’m being a burden on my family & it’s not fair! I’m scared about the stool test tomorrow. Keep thinking my other tests are wrong. Blood tests, ultrasound on abdomen area and X-ray on lungs. My minds telling me there’s something wrong. I have lost half a stone in the past 2-3 weeks. And have a bowel movement every early morning which is porridge formed. It was twice for a few days but only going the once now. I was struggling to consume anything the last couple of weeks but the last few days I can eat little & often, which can be hard when you have no appetite. I really am trying to think positive and help myself. Yesterday was a good day. Today is not! Mind keeps thinking the worst! That I have the C word. Really really feel bad today. To a point I just don’t know! I feel really selfish feeling this way to. I lost my mother in law last September to pancreatic c. And it’s scared me to death. I hate hate this! Tomorrow seems so far away. I don’t even know how I’m going to be! When they done an ultrasound on my pelvis & asked for internal I panicked so much laying there thinking I never gave my pelvis a seconds thought, there’s something wrong. I cried with relief when I got told all ok But my minds telling me there’s something wrong. I was diagnosed with acute diarrhoea on Monday when I went up. As they couldn’t find any bugs or anything wrong with stool sample. But tomorrow’s abit more of a thorough stool sample check I think. I’m scared. I keep thinking I need to be locked up or something. sorry for the essay.

I woke up early this morning with all intentions on it being a good day. Nope Bowel movement early this morning, with no change (porridge formed) with small blacks bits. I have lost half a stone in the last month. Blood tests, blood pressure, X-ray on lungs & abdomen ultrasound came back normal. But got to go back hospital tomorrow to give another stool sample to be checked. I try so hard not to think about the worst but this morning I can’t stop. I hate this so much. Worried worried worried!! I don’t know what to do! Tomorrow seems forever away. ???

Hey Holls, yes never looked at like that, your so right. Just like when I bought a blood pressure monitor few weeks ago, which has been on my arm most of the time. Today I put it in the medicine cupboard out of sight. Think might need to put the scales away for a wee while. I know deep down the Drs. Know what they are doing & they know there stuff and I totally respect what they do, it’s just the Anxiety isn’t it. Wow that was quite a bit you lost in a week, I hope your getting back on track with things, and beating this horrible thing. Take Care x

Hello Holls, Thanks for the reply. You are so right. The mind is a powerful thing. The thing with me, I’ve had these tests done etc & obviously still waiting on the last one which is on Friday. And I think the X-ray on my lungs and the ultrasound on my abdomen area, blood tests etc.... everything I’ve had done I still have that fear of it might not of picked something up. Why have I lost weight so fast etc ..... these flipping negative thoughts keep coming in my head. I wonder how accurate are these tests etc. I asked my partner to buy some decent scales tonight to see if I’ve put some weight on. And no I haven’t which makes me feel scared & start to think negative. Ohh I do hate this. I know this is not the way to think. Don’t want to go back on the progress I’ve made the past couple of days, like eating and doing doing the housework. Feeling a bit better in myself just a little weak and unfit. Got to get Friday out of the way I think. I really do feel for everyone that suffers from this. And yes I’m glad I’ve found this sight. Take Care

Hi Bobnnat, Thanks for your reply. Yes your so right. I suppose excepting the Anxiety is probably the hardest thing.In my case I think im probably 95%. Just need to get the other checks finalised then I should have no other doubts surely. I've had countless of blood tests, ultrasound on my abdomen area, X-ray on my lungs, as I have this cough we’re I feel I need to keep clearing my airways. Just waiting on this stool sample now, which I’ve got to go back hospital on Friday. So fingers crossed. I am eating better the past 3 days, so hopefully put on that 1/2 stone that I’ve lost. Which due to the diarrhoea( sorry but I go into all the details lol). Blood pressure have always been good. Heart rate also done. Which hospital haven’t had any concerns with anything. Today I feel better no dizziness really. But I keep getting sharp pains in my chest. There’s always something. I just keep trying to ignore negative thoughts & sensations. It really is cruel isn’t it. Anxiety is no laughing matter. Take Care.