Texassnell

I'm so with you on that. I never used to care what people thought of me and now when I go out(when being the operative word),I feel like everyone's staring at me. I've become increasingly untrusting and just have no desire to interact with people at all. People aren't capable of accepting a stranger for what and who they are. My own family, including my wife doesn't understand, why should I expect a total stranger to. I've mastered the art of not leaving for anything other than curb side grocery pick up, for up to 6 week's at a time. I definitely understand where your coming from.

The one who's already here is,I'm just tired of having to tell everyone who's left in my life what to do or do it for them. My wife had a stroke about 15 year's ago and the mental effects have gotten worse and worse over the years and I have to take care of her.She has to be told to eat,constantly reminded of appt/s or to make them,the list goes on and on... . It effect's her concentration,she suffers from anxiety attacks and bipolar depression.She work's saturday's and sunday's and sleeps the rest of the week.I just alway's assumed that after all these years of taking care off everyone else,if I got sick.they would take care of me.

My home feel's less and less like a safe place to me everyday.

I've been hiding from the world. My 24 yr old son who moved home has reverted to his teen years and now my 26 year old who lives in California has broken up with his girl friend and has to move home. I feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack every time I think about all of us crammed into this little apt.. I went out again today,just an Aldi trip with my wife. I want to make her happy and have a hard time saying no...Aldi turned in to an estate sale, then walmart and though I didn't go in I sat in the car and made myself so frantic I got sick. Why don't people hear me when I tell them my anxiety's about being out and especially my physical limit's?

I had a good run,about 3 straight weeks with out going any farther then the Pharmacy drive through,only to be ruined by 3 Dr.'s appointment's in 6 day's.My house & my car are my safe place's,but only 2 of my 4 Dr.'s office's do I feel semi comfortable in. Lately as I sit waiting for the inevitable time to leave,getting more anxious by the minute I've noticed one of my dog's come's around and want's in my lap. She'want's nothing more then to get her belly rubbed. She has also been known to do the same in the morning when my blood pressure is up and I'm sitting waiting for my med's to kick in. Ultimately I forget about my headache/dizziness or what I was fretting about and wind up falling asleep or just very relaxed. I'm guessing she know's me well by now and think's she's healing me.Doe's anyone else have anxiety sensitive pet's? This picture was taken when I firs was going through chemo and had stated radiation,They laid on me all the time.

I was an ordinary guy,worked 35+ year's in the trade's,taking care of my family(raised 5 boy's),not without my share of physical issue's,high blood pressure,arthritis & as of 7 yrs ago,diabetes. Well turn's out there's one sure fire way to guarantee your blood sugar to spike like mine had,c****r. 3 years ago I was diagnosed with stage 3 colon c****r. Even though the tumor was the size of a baseball they said "We're going to call it 3 instead of 4 because it's definitely shrinkable and removable". Well put your faith in God not people. I was reminded of that the hard way. After several surgical procedure's,radiation and chemo twice,I found myself home bound due to my medical condition. As I've learned to deal with my medical condition,I've increasingly lost my desire to leave my house at all,even when condition's allow me to. After 3 year's of Doctor's not able to help me,coworker's cutting me off because I'm now on disability with no hope of being able to physically work again & friend's slowly dropping away,I have developed a severe lack of faith in people. My house is my safe place,my wife,my faith & my dog's keep me going. I order our groceries and since it take's a full day ahead of time to prepare myself to go out,I only leave my house to go to my Doctor's appointment's. I have even stopped going to church,which give's me a pain in my chest when I think about it.I know God has a plan,it just make's my head spin when I try and think about how I got here. This site has so much information,it's nice to realize I'm not alone in my fear's of the outside world.