CassDragon

Let's address employment and the bilingual issue, I believe I covered that in a previous post, so please refer to that. I do appreciate the fact that you're not going to sugar coat things - I've never liked that. That being said, for someone who "has been" where all of us here have, you seem to be singularly unsympathetic. Then again, that may just be how you are, which is fine - as I said, I like it. Yet your second post seems to be quite naive and coming from a point of view not unlike my husband's, who also seems to think this is something you can just choose to get over. Am I interpreting that correctly? Have you not dealt with these or similar conditions yourself, so that you should know better? I'm still looking for the mental health professional that makes house calls in this country or would call in a prescription for a valium to make the visit to their office even feasible. Yes, it is very stressful for my daughter and it kills me. Do you think I am choosing to put my daughter through this? The method of leaving was chosen solely and exclusively by my husband and his taking of all our money and closing our joint accounts has been a betrayal of her hard-won trust in him that my mental illness issues don't even come close to equaling. Luckily she can go to our county mental health and does take medication for her issues. You are right Catherine - the best revenge is living well, and I will get there. Right now I am like a car bogged down in the red Georgia clay. I don't have the physical strength to push it out, I got no boards for under the tires, I'm on a dirt road without cell coverage and I might be able to walk a mile or two before collapsing, but then what? I am applying for disability and I am heartened by my attorney and his understanding. He has handled many cases like mine successfully and I finally don't feel like such a freak. One final point - there is nothing wrong with wanting to be by yourself. I have always needed and enjoyed long periods of solitude - home employment is ideal for us. I recommend you read the Loner's Manifesto by Anneli Rufus. It explains beautifully why people like me flourish in solitude and why traditional therapy is sometimes contraindicated with it's emphasis on joining and being part of a group . I already feel a "vibratory lightening" and a more peaceful state since my husband has finally moved out and I have more solitude.

Wow, Catherine. First off let me say, I love a frank talker. That's the way I know how to relate. So let's go one by one. How did I get to this point? My acute agoraphobia set in not too long after my mother died of uterine c****r after a long and agonizing illness. It took 4 years for her to succumb. This is actually one of the strongest triggers of agoraphobia. At the same time I was trying to broker peace between a controlling man and my daughter and realizing that I had, once again, thrown my lot in with the wrong person. I was also working at a highly stressful telemarketing job as a s**t screen for Chase Mortgage as they merrily ripped off their customers. I had repeated panic attacks at work, on the phone, so that was not going to last long. My husband was very jealous and didn't like me to work anyway, so I played right into his hands on that one. To answer your question about staying with someone in these conditions my answer is , yes, if I really loved them. If I knew they were sick and needed my support, yes. That is what love is supposed to be. When I met my husband he was 100 lbs overweight and had multiple health issues. I married him and helped him through that because I loved him. We had recently been talking about how things were going to get better now that we had a chance of putting me on his insurance. He was just lying, he had already been dating for a couple of years and was now in a position to move on to his next emotional crutch. I had realized on some level what was going on a couple of years ago and had begged him to go ahead and leave. We had a little savings and I could have started over. But he had not yet settled on his next girlfriend and had nowhere to go. He refused to leave and I couldn't. In addition to the agoraphobia I am an unmedicated bipolar and am really riding the dragon. He ran up all the credit cards dating, wasn't paying the mortgage so we lost our house - the only inheritance I had. Now he's ready to leave. He found the next sucker. Let me post this and I will continue.

Thank you, Paula. I'm sorry I haven't answered sooner, but I have had a rough few days. I did go to the website and I believe it could offer me some opportunities. I'll need to spend more time perusing it. There might even be some things my daughter could do from home as well. I will keep you posted.

Good job letting all that out. I can relate to a couple of your issues myself. I've always been very "medication resistant" and would go off my meds from time to time back when I was on them. My resistance was more because of the side effects and my worry about all the chemicals swimming around in there, even if they were ones I needed. You mentioned your close calls in dangerous situations and how that doesn't cause you panic. I briefly had a job going out into some of the roughest neighborhoods and I never gave it the first thought, but I once ran screaming from a mall full of shoppers. You are very lucky to have such a supportive fiancee. Maybe you should plan romantic picnics, when the weather warms up, if it ever does. Or other dates that don't involve restaurants.

Thanks, Paula. I am in Athens, GA, not too far from Atlanta. I've got a few things going for me - I have a BA in Linguistics and an MEd in Adult Education and I am fluently bilingual in Spanish/English. The problem is that Athens is the home of the University of Georgia and so many of us that come to school here stay because of the town's atmosphere. Not as lively as in the '80's with the B52s and REM and that whole vibe, but it still has a soul that speaks to those of us with an artistic bent. Unfortunately it also means there is an overabundance of overqualified job candidates, even bilinguals, which severely limits the opportunities. As my condition(s) have kept me from steady employment, my qualifications and skills are not what employers are generally looking for. I have often thought of trying my hand at writing...maybe I will find the courage now.

Thank you all for your support. I haven't posted in a couple of days - I'm having a really difficult time just now. As far as the mental health treatment, it seems to be a bit of a Catch 22. I can't get help until I go out, but I need medication to go out, but without seeing me there can be no medication, of course. At the moment I just don't have the mental and emotional reserves to go through what it would take to break the cycle. I feel my husband is not through humiliating me yet and am bracing for the next one. Again, thank you all.

On a more practical note - does anyone have any ideas for making some money from home? My disability claim will take more than a year and my daughter can't do this by herself. Any suggestions would be welcome.

Thank you, Flip. I'm hoping this helps me.

PaulaQ - no need to feel guilty about fearing dentists. I put an enormous amount of responsibility on the dental profession. They are very aware of the fear issues that multitudes of us have and they refuse for the most part to focus on this aspect of dentistry. This is the 21st century and there is no longer any scientific excuse for medical and dental procedures to be either invasive or excruciatingly painful. This profession should be well informed about all the differences in people's pain thresholds or nerve placement, not to mention anxiety issues. I have always ended up having severe anxiety during any dental procedure and the dentist I have used (because he was the only one who would sedate me) was in no way sympathetic, not to mention the fact that he overcharged me shamelessly.

Even posting this is difficult for me. I haven't left my house/yard for about 4 years now. My husband has had enough and he is leaving me...with nothing. Now my poor daughter and her part-time job are all we have to pay the bills. Not surprisingly this has really set me back. Now I only feel truly safe locked in my room. Having to listen to him planning his new love nest with his "healthy" girlfriend is tearing me apart. In the basement of my failures there is always another level.