Hi all,
I'm new to this forum, but not new to this condition.
I had my first bout of health anxiety when I was 20 years old. I was absolutely convinced I had some form or another of a stomach cancer. Months of doctors, an endoscopy and 10mg of Lexapro later, I moved on with life. After a while, I stopped the Lexapro and life continued on normally.
When I turned 27, I had a second bout of health anxiety. This time, I was convinced it was pancreatic cancer. Multiple specialists, another endoscopy, a colonoscopy and back on Lexapro. After about 3 months, I managed to maintain a normal mindset for another ~3.5 years. I was tapering down to 1/4 pill on Lexapro per therapist recommendations.
Now that I'm 30, almost 31, I've had what I'm (hopeful) is a third bout of HA. It started when I took my temperature in late march. It read super low, like 95.5° a few times. I also had been experiencing neck pain and headaches. Urgent care wrote it off as a sinus infection but 10 days of augmentin didn't clear the headache. I was also having a "detached feeling" similar to vertigo without the dizziness. I continued to have neck pain, headaches and this "detached feeling" along with nausea for weeks. Muscle twitches, pulsatile tinnitus, you name it. The right side of my body felt weak for a while, but I never had "real" weakness. This lead me to believe it is ALS. After a while, I moved on from ALS when the 'weakness' started to subside but the muscle twitches are still going on sporadically around my body. I got hit with the most severe vertigo one night, so bad I was actually dreaming I was dizzy. Naturally, I think brain tumor. I went back on the Lexapro, 10mg daily about a month back with the hope it would control my symptoms and return me to 'normal.' It hasn't. My doctor sent me for an MRI with and without contrast and it's come back clean. I was living on cloud 9 for a day.
This morning, I could feel my mouth quivering while trying to drink coffee and I think that it doesn't feel right, I'm also remembering it happening before. Naturally, this leads me to bulbar ALS and tongue fasciculations is listed as a symptom. Sure enough, I look in the mirror and my tongue is twitching. It's relatively 'calm' at rest inside my mouth twitching a bit but its sporadic (which I read is bad, benign sticks to one spot) but quivers like crazy, along with my top and bottom lips/jaw when I stick it out. I'm convinced it looks exactly like the tongue fasciculation videos found on the internet.
I can't sleep, I've been averaging about 5 hours a night for a month or more now, many of them broken into as little as an hour at a time, some straight through 5 hours. Everything I read says I'm just suffering from HA. I cant get past the stupid tongue fasciculations now. I'm CONVINCED its ALS and I'm going to die without seeing my little boy grow up. My wife is at her wits end. She's been with me through the first 2 and now this one might be too much.
I CANT LET GO OF THE FACT THAT I COULD BE RIGHT THIS TIME I.E:
Why isn't the medicine working? If it was anxiety, I wouldn't be experiencing this anymore.
If I let this go, and I'm wrong, its time that wasted on potential treatment, etc.
Even as I type this, I know it has to be HA. BUT I JUST CAN'T LET IT GO.
How do we live life like this (not suicidal)?
Best,
JP
