Hi guys, I’m not sure if this is still open, but my name is Samira, and I’ve been suffering from derealization since last September after I had a massive panic attack caused by my panic disorder. I began to recover and got help dealing with both the derealization and agoraphobia that the panic attack caused, and I was doing really well with exposing myself back to being along outside up, that’s was until last week when I had another massive panic attack where my derealization made everything around me feel unreal. Again. It wasn’t as bad as my first panic attack, but it wasn’t nice either. I feel as if, since then, my thoughts have been solely about my derealization. I find myself wondering if this is all in my head or if I’m unreal and if I’m going crazy and I’ll never recover. I know I’m not crazy, but I’ve also never had the chance to talk to others who suffer from this. As an 18 year old girl who has so much left to do, I can’t help but feel trapped at home and terrified that maybe my derealization is trying to tell me something, and I get so frickin scared. It’s so hard to ignore the intrusive thoughts!! The only times I really feel better are when I’m distracted by my boyfriend, video games, or just being with my family, but when I’m alone or in my head—where I seem to fins myself all of the time now—the thoughts race and then my heart starts beating faster, and then more thoughts come, and my heart beats faster—it’s a vicious cycle. I feel so disconnected from my surroundings and foggy, and I miss the person I used to be before this happened. I should also note that I’ve been taking Fluoxetine since my first panic attack, and because of how bad my anxiety has gotten lately, my mom thinks it might be good to increase my medication, but I don’t want to be on meds for the rest of my life and was really hoping against this.
I’m not sure if anyone would be interested, but I was hoping to perhaps talk to people who suffer from derealization—like this site, but instead, it would be like a group chat on WhatsApp or something. Would anyone be interested in talking to me about what derealization/depersonalization is like for you? I would really appreciate talking to someone who feels what I feel and knows what it’s like to make me feel a bit more normal! Anything would help—I just feel kind of lost right now.