nolenjoney 1 Posted November 10, 2016 Hi everyone, my name is Jon. My story is very simple. Since I was very young, my parents always had huge expectations for me. They both had a lot of success in their areas of expertise and I always looked up to them. Right now, I'm in the first year of university, studying computer science and I don't know how to deal with this pressure. Every time I get a bad mark, I have a breakdown and I feel so down and depressed because I really try hard. The worst thing is knowing that a bad mark is the best I could've done. I'm a perfeccionist, just like my parents and I always aim to do really well. But after I get a bad mark, I always tell myself that I will do better next time and I am always determined to improve. However, this is really affecting me negatively and I don't know how long can I keep this attitude, it is just draining me emotionally. I also get really devastated when others have better grades than me when I know they don't try as hard. Do you guys have any advice on how to deal with this? This is really getting the best out of me... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GretaFlow 1 Posted November 10, 2016 I know how you feel Jon. My parents also give me a lot of pressure, because they are both doctors and want me to become a doctor also. I am studying now to become one, but it's just too much for me. I feel like I am just studying and don't have a real life anymore. I almost have no friends and a lot of anxiety to talk to new people. I try on the other hand to see all the positive aspects of my life, for example, there are people that have it worse than me and are not complaining. That always gives me new motivation. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nolenjoney 1 Posted November 11, 2016 Sometimes it is hard to look at my situation from a bigger picture but I have to deal with this everyday. Studying, doing my best and not getting rewarded as I think I deserve to be. I just can't see how can I keep this going, sometimes I just want to drop out and close myself in my room doing mindless stuff, it's really how I deeply feel. I really hope I don't get depressed but it's almost as if I already feel like that. I talked with my parents and they just say is how life is, that only by working hard I can reap the benefits. I don't even really know why I am studying, computer science is not my real passion but my dad is always emphasizing that it is a secure job and that I will earn good money with it. I am feeling really lost and tired. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nolenjoney 1 Posted November 11, 2016 Sometimes it is hard to look at my situation from a bigger picture but I have to deal with this everyday. Studying, doing my best and not getting rewarded as I think I deserve to be. I just can't see how can I keep this going, sometimes I just want to drop out and close myself in my room doing mindless stuff, it's really how I deeply feel. I really hope I don't get depressed but it's almost as if I already feel like that. I talked with my parents and they just say is how life is, that only by working hard I can reap the benefits. I don't even really know why I am studying, computer science is not my real passion but my dad is always emphasizing that it is a secure job and that I will earn good money with it. I am feeling really lost and tired. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nolenjoney 1 Posted November 11, 2016 Sometimes it is hard to look at my situation from a bigger picture but I have to deal with this everyday. Studying, doing my best and not getting rewarded as I think I deserve to be. I just can't see how can I keep this going, sometimes I just want to drop out and close myself in my room doing mindless stuff, it's really how I deeply feel. I really hope I don't get depressed but it's almost as if I already feel like that. I talked with my parents and they just say is how life is, that only by working hard I can reap the benefits. I don't even really know why I am studying, computer science is not my real passion but my dad is always emphasizing that it is a secure job and that I will earn good money with it. I am feeling really lost and tired. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jonathan123 2368 Posted November 11, 2016 Hi. Nolen and Greta Parents often have great expectations of their children. They often forget they are people in their own right with feelings and emotions. Being pushed into something you have little interest in is not at all helpful. You are feeling lost and tired because you are being pressured. Have a good talk with your parents. Do they really know how you feel? Have you told them? Greta, you have the same problem. Parents want to be proud of you. 'That's my boy/girl'; We raised him/her and look what a good job we did!!' Medicine is a rigorous and hard discipline to learn, and if you are a sensitive person it can take it out of you. Once again, do they really know how you feel? Both of you should realize that the whole of your future happiness depends on the decisions made now. No one, not even parents, have the right to put square pegs in round holes. If you are not suited to something then that's it. You are not, and they have to realise it. It's never too late at your age to change your vocation. Talk to your parents but remember, it's your life and the decisions you make now will last a lifetime. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GretaFlow 1 Posted November 11, 2016 Very well said jonathan. I will really think about it. It is hard for me, because I was never making any decision against my parents. This could be my real first own decision. Thanks a lot. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GretaFlow 1 Posted November 11, 2016 Very well said jonathan. I will really think about it. It is hard for me, because I was never making any decision against my parents. This could be my real first own decision. Thanks a lot. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nolenjoney 1 Posted November 13, 2016 3 hours ago, jonathan123 said: Do they really know how you feel? Have you told them? I know they would be very disappointed with me if I told them. It's hard to counter argue, specially with my father. I know computer science is more secure than other options that I had but still, this is not working. I am just afraid if I talk with my parents and they say they know better than me, they have more experience and I'm still too young to make decisions by myself on what I think might be better for me. My father always says that in 5 years my passion will be different than the one I have now, for him it is just to focus on something that gives safe future, basically and then I can pursue other interests. It's hard to study something that I don't enjoy and the bad marks are getting the best out of me. I think I will try to write them something, face to face is really hard for me to have a conversation. Thanks jonathan! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jonathan123 2368 Posted November 13, 2016 Hi nolen. I know they would be very disappointed with me if I told them. Now I have no intention of trying to cause problems between you and your parents. But it's what THEY want not what YOU want. This is selfishness on your parents part just as it is in thousands of other young people of your age whose parents push them into professions they have no interest in because 'we know best'. Being older does not necessarily imply that they are more intelligent. Few people learn from their own mistakes. They have not got to live the rest of their lives with something they don't want to do. You have. Who is going to be disappointed in twenty years time? And never confuse wisdom with learning. I have met many so called 'learned intelligent people' who have been fools in matters of life, and have no wisdom whatsoever. I have met many who the world would regard as 'unintelligent', but have had great wisdom. I am just afraid if I talk with my parents and they say they know better than me, they have more experience and I'm still too young to make decisions by myself on what I think might be better for me. You can study, learn, be obedient and a good kid, but you have not got the intelligence to make up your own mind? They have great faith in your abilities, but they don't stretch to your ability to see your own future; you are not intelligent enough for that great leap of faith!! Oh well, so be it. Have you ever heard of a Playwright of the twentieth century called George Bernard Shaw? He said "The worse people to bring up children are parents". He was right. They have kids and embark on parenthood with no training whatsoever. The most important thing they will ever have to do, and they assume they know all about it. Well, I do hope it all works out well for you. It often does in spite of parents, not because of them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
