Grace360

Don't know what I'm feeling at the moment. I pulled a muscle in my arm yesterday, whatever. But now I'm in the car feeling breathless. Like I can't get enough air. Like the middle of my chest feels really tight. I don't know. Anxiety returning I guess.

Just got a new job on Sunday. Its a cleaning job for college units, and I'm getting paid by the unit. Happy about that. I'm getting some extra cash, really happy about that. I had a little hiccup today but I'm gonna stick it out. I hate authority, but I love money. My feet were hurting all day. I waited a bit later than usual to take my pill. Got dehydrated, hungry, emotional. But I fueled back up. Back home now, got here 3 hours ago. My arms feel.. so weird. I'm trying not to worry but I can't help it. I don't even know how to describe it. It's like noodles. No, more like my arms feel like lead. At certain turns or points, they hurt or ache real bad when I try to even just lift my covers. I can barely even lie down on my arms at this point. Not unbearable but very achy and uncomfortable. Just when they touch and move and ache. Only worried because I'm feeling the physical ache of it all. Wondering if I pulled something.

Specifically fentanyl. The deadliest and worst kind. I just took my anxiety medication that I should take in the morning.. oops. Keep forgetting. But here's the issue. I slept last night falling asleep to dance moms and my foot accidentally knocked my pill case over and it spilled. I only had one in there. I said I'd put it back in before I fell asleep, but I didn't and it was sitting open all night. I noticed it today and quickly closed it back. But who knows what could've happened in those hours. Someone could've swapped out my pill for something laced with fentanyl or something else deadly I don't even know about. I just took it but I'm so scared. I know I'm not alone but I've read it before. A mother and her sons. They overdosed and the ambulence got there fast. She begged them to give him that overdose reversing drug but it was too late even then. And some survive. But you don't are many of those, not at all.

I tried to just let this go but I'm currently freaking out right now due to some new symptoms I've been feeling. Currently it's having to do with my jaw. I noticed it yesterday night when I was watching something on my phone, trying to sleep. I tried to open my mouth to drink water and its like the right side of my jaw and mouth became stiff. Like the bones were clicking in a certain place and they wouldn't return back to normal. It was very uncomfortable because it felt like I couldn't extend my jaw fully without a bone breaking. So I had to wait. Move my jaw around only to find it still hurting. And then soon it got back to normal. But one wrong move would bring it back again. I'm just so worried. I tried to let it go, like the globus sensation I get in my throat sometimes. Can be chalked up to anxiety. But when it's so physical like this, I sorry to no end. My grandma told me to look it up and immediately it said cancers and tetanus and.. ugh. Of course all the scary stuff. Now I'm worried I have some neck cancer or that I have a strep infection that's gonna kill me. To just.. something. I just want answers. To see if anyone else experienced this before. I also get a clicking sound in my jaw if I move it certain ways.

Haven't felt the best lately. Mostly insecurities and lack of confidence. But.. I'm also not proud of myself. I had a panic attack yesterday for the first time in a while. I guess maybe stress along with ongoing hypocondriac. Also something I saw that I was perhaps thinking of too much. I still don't try to think too much about the stories or facts I read. But sometimes it sticks. Like this thing I read about heart disease, and how some peoples first symptoms is dying suddenly. They never knew but it just happened. Grandparents, parents. They didn't know but they never will. Just died. That scares me because anxiety usually is the reason for most of my ailments. I keep telling myself so but it still worried me. And then others. The brain eating ameoba. A case happened this summer I'm trying to not worry so much about. This man had a flesh eating bacteria in his arm from strep that traveled. All of these scenarios and feelings in my own body that worry me. Like my throat feeling like I have allergies even when I haven't been out. My head feeling light. Aches in random parts of my body. Stiffness. I'm trying to get through it. This plus everything else isn't a good recipe.

I just got back from a fairly fun summer camp. Five day, and it was nice enough. Though my fears still come back along with the comfort of my own home. I went to the pool during summer camp, mostly held up by floats. I stayed away from submerging myself or getting splashed too much at all costs. I know about brain eating ameoba. I was in the perfect situation to get one. Which was, summer camp, lots of kids, and watersports. There were times when either shower water or pool water didn't get forced up my nose but instead were near the bottom of my nose, and I tried to blow them out. But I get afraid I maybe pushed them in deeper, and its now festering in a wet spot in my nose, trying to crawl up and start to have a feast. And treating it is scary, considering the amount of deaths that have happened. The only reason the very few lived is because they were treated 24-72 hours after symptoms. Or got to a doctor, and quick. And the test to find out about this ameoba is a nightmare. Gets mistaken for meningitis and can only be found from a spinal tap that never happens fast enough. And the drug that works to try and cure this is a toss-up. Either it works, or it doesn't work hard enough. And then they die. Everything about that circumstance scares me to no end. I just don't know how I'm gonna stop thinking about it.

I've been feeling this.. odd feeling lately. I hope someone else experiences this so I can stop worrying so much about it. I've been feeling this tingling feeling. It's near the top of my head and sometimes its on other sides. Like when your finger tingles or something else. Except its on my scalp and it's just that feeling. Another celebrity had that symptom along with others, and it had him worrying he was really sick/would die. I believe it's called a nummular headache? Something like that. Just want to know. Maybe I can have some reassurenc

I just got back from my friends house for a few days. I saw stories. But I was for the most part carefree. Just having fun. Buuuuut. I get home and the worry comes in like a ton of bricks. Like I'm more conscious of my breathing now. I'm thinking about all those stories I heard. Of the guys who were found dead. One guy died sleeping because he was in pain the day before. Crutches. A soccer player found dead. Among others from mystery illnesses. I know it's media. It's made to scare me, to get shock value. But it's always within my mind. And it makes me worry all the time. The small feelings I get. Like my eyes feel odd. My breathing has been off since forever. My heart goes off beat sometimes. Among lots and lots more. I'm trying to calm down and get ready for summer camp in 3 days. First time going to summer camp. And I'm trying to get my anxiety under control.

Update because it's making my anxiety worse. I just overheard that the mans death had nothing to do with his diabetes appearently. He wasn't even sick. The only thing he has was a problem with his knee. And there he was, found dead. Autopsy pending because no one knows why and those stories get me the most. They aren't even old or frail. Most even young. And yet they just drop dead. Or found dead.

This one just really came about today. Mostly with the events of life. Diabetes runs in my family. Grandma, aunt, my grandma's dad, some other family. They all have diabetes. And my grandmas dad recently is old and he's having complications. Not doing really good. He's had it forever and he hasn't been taking care of himself. And someone else died just yesterday, someone also with diabetes. It worries me knowing that it's still in my blood, diabetes. Its a chance I could develop it. And its getting missed. And then complications. And.. terrible things. I'm terrified of diabetes. Yes cancer, anthrax, brain aneurysem. But diabetes.. also. Especially since it runs in the family. And I'm trying to prevent it. I don't want to be old that way and deteriorate because of those types of complications. So it terrifies me. And my breathing issue has been persistant lately. And just a few moments ago I felt like my breath was taken away momentarily. Like a marble came into my throat and stopped my breath for a bit. Or it wasn't as satisfying. Also hearing another young sports star. Just died. Found unconscious and died. And nobody knows why. Those stories always get me. So all of this together has made for a stressful day. Along with all of the errands I had to run today. Depression settling in because I'm sitting here all summer. All of the sorts.

Like yawning fot example. I just did a few times, or more so stretch my face a bit. And then I overanalyze those feelings into something else. Like it felt like something stretched on the right side of my head. Like of course I'm thinking a vein popped. Or I get a bit dizzy and I'm thinking blood loss, anthrax, ect ect. But mostly the yawning thing. I try to think if those symptoms of anxiety. What it most likely is. But it's hard for me, particularly with the media. I just saw today. A famous pitcher was just found unconcious. Just died, like that. Stories every single day, especially multiple. Those are the ones that worry me. The more unknown ones. Or mystery illnesses. Mystery that and this. My therapist suggested a media free day, which I feel would be good for me Just have to plan for that.

I noticed I used to click and grind my teeth. Not even knowing I did and it came with aches. Like small headaches. And then now.. it definitely makes sense.

For starters, don't pop it next time! I know its not too well known. Everyone still does it. But next time, don't pop the pimples. Secondly. Washing it is a good thing. At least your taking precaution. After all of this, I suggest to not touch it. Or if you touch it at all, need to scratch, anything, touch it with a sterilized cloth, cotton ball, swab, ect. Or clean hands if you absolutely need to. But I think your doing the right things and that you'll be fine as long as you don't keep picking at it, and you keep it clean. If you need to, put a small band-aid, circular patch over them so you don't get tempted. I'm basically just saying what I would do.

Once again. I was actually having a good day. This happened this morning. I was actually trying to force myself to ignore it for today. But it's happening more and worrying me. More and more. I move my jaw a certain way and it clicks or cracks. It's primarily on the right side of my face. And then I'm scared if my bone cracks there, it'll crack one of the things in my neck. Like a vein or artery. Or that it'll just..the worst thing will happen. My throat will get cut by said bone. That crack will end up being in my neck, and then will affect the cord in the back of my head and.. all of this. And my mind just spirals out of control. It doesn't help with the news stories I accidentally saw. Especially today. A women died of flesh eating bacteria. Just from a cut on the leg! A little kid.. so little. He died of an e coli infection. Just days after touching animals. And he even washed his hands. And yet.. and yet. A girl. Her sore throat was instead a malignant tumor. There's a big risk with even swimming because of fecal germs. That can be fatal. It makes me want to crawl in my house and stay there. The world is dangerous. It makes me want to live in a hazmat suit, shut my doors, clean my hands every hour, and stay in. Where its safe. No bugs. No infections. No tumors No.. nothing.

Here we go again. I took a break from working out for a while because of my legs and abdomen hurting. As in I quite literally couldn't flex or walk without my legs hurting. I got from the gym with my best friend. Going good and relaxing when I go uup to get cereal. My legs feel tired. Weak. Like strained. My mind is trying to think logically. "You biked 20 minutes of combined cardio. Of course your legs will hurt a little. Its fine. " My anxiety is saying: "Not just that. The top of your arms are a bit tingly. One of your feet tingles at a time. Also your arms are tired. Yea you were at the gym but.. its definitely something else. Your experiencing the same thing as that girl who died of that underlying infection. Oops. Sorry about that. " And that's where my head is at. Some girls were similar to her. Died of some sickness. Some unknown. Some they had intuition. Rare strep cases I've only read about three times, all separate years. From another forum, its only about 0.003% chance of happening to me. That should make me feel better. But of course it doesn't.